4 days 'till Christmas!

       I have really enjoyed getting those weekly texts from MOPS international, specially the very last one it said “Xmas is in 8 days. Pick your battles, say yes to cake for breakfast! Whatever does not get done, its OK. You’ve got this mama (aka Santa)!” Like it literally cracked me up because that day I remember trying to make Christmas cookies with my girls and it was complete chaos like flour battleship attack/forgot to add ingredients to the recipe chaos. I was about to quit and just throw away the stuff when I saw the smile on my girls with fingers full of raw cookie dough and my little one literally licking the mixer beaters ( I was not done mixing) straight off the bowl. That Is when memories are made when you stop and really breath in all those little “wonder faces” that will soon be gone.

    I love our mentor moms they bring so much raw wisdom to our meetings. Do what works for you this holiday season it will probably be different each year. Some you will feel like you are rocking it and some you won’t (probably most lol) but that is OK! So today is 4 days until Christmas and If the elf forgot to move itself last night its OK, bought cookies instead of making them its OK! (probably better anyway) if you didn’t get to do Christmas cards its OK, if you are not done Christmas shopping its OK, if your house is 50% gift wrap 50% clothes all over the place its OK, just remember you are not alone.  So with that said, I have officially lowered my expectations for this holiday season and the future ones coming of my role as “Santa” and will be more forgiving on myself of those disaster memory making attempts of traditions we often attempt to conquer remember your kids will love you anyway even if you did not get to finish marking everything off your list.

Disclaimer: If you got Christmas cookies from me this year I am sorry! ( just kidding they actually turned out pretty good to my surprise and don’t worry I did wash their hands and mixer beaters haha!)

~Alis~

What type of friend do you want to be?

         I have always admired the way little kids make friends.  I took my girls to the park the other day and there was this other mom at the park with 2 other little girls and in a matter of 10 minutes my girls had each made their new best friends. They were planning playdates and their next outing to the park, while their mom and I had only politely said hi to each-other. 

        Many of you know that I did not grow up in Modesto. I moved from Guatemala when I was 15 years old, right at the middle of me trying to “find myself and find my people,”  but even then friendships were hard. I was bullied most of my elementary years. Yes, I was that kid that ate her lunch inside of the restrooms because I wanted to just get away. Then boom! I moved hundreds of miles away from those toxic relationships to a foreign country and no friends. I pretended I did not speak English for the first year of high school. I used to say it was fun to pretend not to understand, but really I was just afraid of getting hurt. My second year of high school was some-what better, I was able to find 3 nice girls that were part of my high school years. In a blink of an eye we were seniors and we graduated high school and life changed! 

           When I got married, I didn’t even want to have bridesmaids just thinking of not having who to ask made me think, “friends suck!” can I just ask my mom to be my maid of honor? Because she is pretty amazing! Then as a new mom seeing all these put together moms at story time going in groups and talking, socializing with each other made me feel very sad like why can I keep a decent friend around for longer than a year? 

           Throughout these drastic life changes I came to realize that yes friendships do come in seasons, but it really is up to us to put the heart and time into our relationships. I truly believe mops helps you find those women who truly have your back! The kind that would totally stop what they are doing to listen to you, stop and pray if needed. I want to be that kind of friend. I started to focus less on the kind of friend I wanted to have but focusing more on the type of friend I want to be. I want to be able to give hugs without expecting one in return. Most importantly, I want my girls to see that person and for them to want to be that type of friend as they grow up. 

                The video we watched last week was like a big slap in the face, like I have been looking for a friend without first examining myself of the type of friend I have been. Yes, its true my life has had some crazy drastic life changes that have made it extremely difficult for me to keep friendships. I have also been around friendships that are toxic and better left to be a thing of the past, but if we are being totally honest, I think there have been stages in my friendship life that I could have tried harder, I could have kept trying, I could have hugged more, I could have been there more, or I could have said sorry and forgiven as well.  

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor “9Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: 10If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” Lets be the type of friend that lifts each other up. I want to be that friend that If you fall I fall and we get back up together. Lets all strive to have friendships to the full. 

    Today, as I have been reflecting on my friendships I can for sure say I am in a different season. Mops has been a great part of that, and only time will tell where these friendships blossom but I do feel more prepared to be a better friend. I can tell you that I am still “finding my people” so far I have been able to meet a great group of ladies that love Jesus, they encourage me, and challenge me to be a better friend and I want to be part of that. I encourage you today to be a bolder friend, a more loving friend, a friend that is just simply there.

~Alis~

Jesus Always Shows Up

Hi fellow MOPS Mamas!

I just got home from our Make & Mingle Meeting and fed my toddler toast for lunch, that's where we're at in her development if you were wondering. She eats only what she wants so I give in for breakfast and lunch, although she did eat about 12 orange slices so I call that a win!

This morning I did not want to get out of bed and when I went to wake up 4 sleeping girls at 7am none of them wanted to get up. I heard "can we just stay in bed today?" and "it's too cold to get out of bed and go to school!" And you know what I totally agreed with them, in fact I just really wanted to stay home today and have a lazy day. But we all piled in the mini van and made it to school on time.

Holiday, my toddler, and I made it to Mops on time and I sent her sassy pants to class and sat at my table ready to relax. Well it turned out our table had childcare duty. 

I knew I hadn't done it yet, so when I was asked if I wanted to do it I must admit I really didn't want to and I even used this blog as an excuse. Instantly I felt the Holy Spirit nudge my heart and I knew I needed to go. I headed over to the infant room and all the babies seemed pretty happy, but there was one who was clearly not. He was pretty upset and I really just thought that he should go be with his Mama. Ms. Avenila handed him right to me and said " Hold him, he will like you, you look like his Mom." Sure enough we settled into the rocking chair and he was soon quiet and very cuddly. It was a very sweet time of rocking a baby that my kids have outgrown. Just to sit there and rock this precious boy was exactly what I needed. Turns out it was exactly what he needed too. After my 40 minutes were up, he popped up and was ready for snack and ready to be social again. Same for me!

  These are the little treasures God gives us. He is showing us in the smallest ways He is caring for us and He knows exactly what we need. I am amazed at His love for me and His gentle reminders that He's got us. He knew I needed some respite before heading into that meeting and I didn't.

After returning to the meeting I was refreshed and ready to chat. It was a great meeting to craft, outbid each other and connect. I won a beautiful casserole carrier and Amy's coveted olives! Score!

I'll leave you all with this reminder....

The Eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.

Deuteronomy 33:27

Hope you take some moments to breathe today and notice Him, because Jesus always shows up. Even if we don't want to get out of bed.

~Summur ~

Fear vs. Faith Based Parenting

At our Last meeting we had the pleasure of having Jeff and Regina Cleek speak about faith-based parenting vs. fear-based parenting. Jeff and Regina Cleek teach the Growing Kids God’s Way class here at Big Valley Grace. It was a pleasure to have them and glean some Godly wisdom!

I am going to copy some of the notes for those of you who missed and so that we have a nice concise list to review and reflect on.

What does fear-based parenting look like?

1. When we are fearful we tend to over punish or under punish for behaviors.
2. When we are fearful we look o the world’s humanistic solutions and worldly philosophies.
3. When we are fearful we are more concerned with correcting external behavior to the neglect of their eternal heart.
4. When we are fearful we are concerned that they will reject us.
5. When we are fearful we tend to push them to please us rather than God.

What does faith-based parenting look like?

1. We are to go to God’s Word for wisdom and instruction. 

2. We are to instruct, appeal, and train to the heart of our children. 

3. We are to parent within the funnel. 

4. We are to recognize we are disciplining our children to the Glory of God. 


Honestly, friends, before we can even talk about parenting, we have to address something else. All of the parenting wisdom comes straight from the Bible. So, with that being said, we are going to have a hard time modeling and training our kids up to love the Lord if we ourselves do not know God’s word and how to apply it. We have got to be intentional about spending time with the Lord in prayer and in the Bible. God’s word is God’s will. If we want to know God’s will for our lives and God’s instructions for training our kids, we have got to dig into God’s word.

I am constantly asking God to work in my heart to mold me and shape my behavior to be useful to Him. I want to glorify God in all that I do. Colossians 3:23 says, “Whatever you do, work at it with your whole heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” Then you take that and apply it to this. It’s like a double whammy! “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (Col 3:12-14)
 
That always hits the nail on the head for me. If I am not seeing the behaviors in my children that I desire, it is pretty easy to figure out why. I have not modeled it to them. Ouch. This usually leads me deeper into God’s word and into prayer. My attitude changes pretty quickly and so do the attitudes of my dear little stinkers.
But seriously, I struggle with patience and grace all the time. Homeschooling must be God’s answer to this prayer. Lol. He’s like, here! This’ll give you plenty of opportunities to work on that grace and patience you are constantly praying for!

There was one thing that Jeff and Regina didn’t speak specifically about but I am going to take a little liberty to share with you. Being generally fearful as a parent. I know it’s not specifically tied to parenting but I want you to see how God can work when we switch from fear to faith. I don’t get too caught up in fear of rejection or teaching my kids worldly philosophies. I get caught up in fear for my children’s health and safety. It has led me to realize that I like to control things. HA! Me?! Never! I was always praying that God would help me give my children up to Him and stop living in fear. Want to know how God has helped me to grow in this area? He allowed my kids to get sick. All of them. This year. 

At the beginning of the year we realized that our youngest daughter had a lump in her arm. Man, I couldn’t have the cause diagnosed quickly enough. I couldn’t diagnose it myself. Does my baby have cancer? I had to wait for the test. And then the next test. And then to see a doctor out of town so that we could schedule the next test. I couldn’t do anything to make it go faster. We eventually learned that it wasn’t cancer and that it was something called an intramuscular lipoma but that this mass was positioned precariously around the blood supply and nerves of her arm. It was unlikely that the doctor would be able to completely remove it and it could come back if not completely removed. Thankfully, it wasn’t causing any issues so that plan was to watch and wait. The best news!

As a result of the pain and unknown that my family faced in the waiting for tests and appointments, he gave me friends that prayed over my girl and over me. He gave me deeper relationships with my friends. He gave me peace that He loved my daughter more than I did. He gave me understanding that God uses bad things for good. He gave me more empathy for families facing a hard diagnosis and many trips to doctors and hospitals. I believe that this situation will give my sweet girl a peculiar empathy and compassion for children with lumps, bumps, and other physical abnormalities.  

At the same time, we had to begin treating our middle daughter for asthma. Again, something I couldn’t make go away. I was blessed to have a friend tip me off to the symptoms that I had been overlooking. I was blessed to have a doctor for our family that was diligent with care of both of our girls. I realized just how blessed we are to have access to healthcare. I realized just how blessed we have been because we have applied of God’s wisdom on finances to our family. 

Shortly after this all happened, our oldest daughter got sick. She literally got sick over night and ended up so short of breath that I actually feared for her life. She had come down with pneumonia and had an asthmatic response. The team that cared for her got it under control and, during her hospital stay, I got to see my daughter’s sweet, gentle, and brave heart bless the hospital staff. The hospital staff greatly blessed us too. They were all so kind and joyfully served our family. I got time to bond with and care for my daughter. Again, I saw just how great of friends I had. They cared for my girl. They brought presents and visited and played cards with us. Once she got to go home, I had a dear friend, in the midst of her own hectic life, travel across town to bring me a meal. Again, I saw just how great a family doctor we had. I saw just how much my children loved and cared for each other. 

God uses the hard stuff for good. I wouldn’t choose these things for my kids but I can now more clearly understand how God uses the hard stuff to draw us into deeper relationship with Him. He never leaves us. He never forsakes us. Proverbs 3:25-26 says, “Have no fear of sudden disaster...for the Lord will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared.” John 16:33 says, “In this world you will have trouble. But take Heart! I have overcome the world.” John10:10 says, “The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that you may have life and have it to the full.”

Dear friends, if you are facing fear in your parenting or in general, rest assured that God is in control. Give God your troubles and rest in His goodness. His plans are far better than ours. We can’t even begin to understand the good plans He has for us. Lean in to Him. Commit your children to the Lord. He has a good plan.

P.S. Our church has been doing a series about suffering. It is based in Job. If you have a chance, listen to the sermons. You will be blessed.
Also, here is the link to the music video played in the sermons. It’s an incredible piece. Though You Slay Me by Shane and Shane 

~Tarah~

Call To Creativity

First all, Thank you to Julia for reminding us that we are wonderfully created by an amazingly creative God! That we are called to create to reflect His glory and in the process bring joy to our lives!

I needed last weeks talk.  I needed God’s truth, and Julia’s reminder that it’s not about perfection, or comparison or even having to build something more out of my creative moments than the simple enjoyment while bringing glory to God!

I have always loved being creative! Before having all these sweet little blessings we call children, I had a whole room dedicated to me being crafty and creative! Well, as most of you can understand, with each new babe, my creative space and time got smaller and smaller.  It’s a rare occasion when I can bust out my glue gun or paint brush and make something. This has been a big frustration to me as I truly miss being creative.  But this past Tuesday’s meeting reminded me that I AM creative in so many different areas of my life...and so are you! 

I created dinner out of the almost nothing food that was in my pantry.

Helping my son creatively think of a way to present his book report.

You may have figured out a new way to save your family money this month!

I picked up a paint brush for the first time in a long time with my daughter and we just started mixing colors and smearing them on the canvas. 

You may have found a creative way to convince your child to put their pants back on or get them buckled into their car seat. 

I let the creative juices flow and figured out a way to rearrange an area of my home that needed help.

You are able to keep a musical beat and choreographed a dance with your kids.

Those leaves we found on our walk around the block turned into a beautiful centerpiece.

You can somehow make flour and water and sugar into something delicious! 

God has placed a creative bone in each and everyone of us! Yours may be in your arm, hers in a cheekbone and mine in my big toe! 1 Corinthians 12:14 says, “Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.”  Thank you Jesus, we are all not earlobes.  Go ahead and ask your 5 year old to draw a picture of a person made up entirely of ears.  Just as our beautiful, wondrous bodies are made up of so many different pieces, each with a specific function, so is the many different creative gifts through out human kind. 

I used to still struggle when my creative niches don’t turn out like “hers.”  Or I would create something and it wouldn’t be nearly as perfect as I pictured it in my head; and then because it didn’t turn out 100% I abandoned it all together.  Definitely not a character trait I want to pass on to my children.  I love this quote from Leeana Tankersley: “The focus is on the process, the participation, not the product. Ever.” 

What if I allowed myself to be mediocre at a bunch of things I enjoy!? Getting rid of the pressure to create something the world can give me a gold star for, and instead simply create for Gods Glory and my own enjoyment.  

Whenever I start to feel myself slipping down this slippery slope of comparison and discontent in my creativity, I will remind myself of the 5 truths Julia shared with us:

God is who He says He is

God can do what He says He can do

I am who God says I am

I can do what God says I can do

His word is alive and active in me

After you have repeated those truths to yourself, give yourself the freedom and permission to explore what inspires or intrigues you! 

One of the gals at our table mentioned that she had recently made a list of all the things she was interested in trying.  It was her year to be courageous and experience new things.  This got me to thinking about what creative venture I wanted to try, but haven’t out of fear of failure. 

Acrylic painting immediately came to mind.  I love a good piece of abstract art.  So, right after MOPs I stopped by Joann’s for a bit of paint and bought Emmy and I each a small canvas to play with.  Slapping paint here and there, and smearing colors in no particular order with her was so good for my soul.  No expectations, no pressured finished product.  

Now it’s your turn.  YOU ARE CREATIVE.  It will look different than mine, or hers and even what yours was yesterday, but have the courage to step forward and figure it out!

Take a class.  On anything you find interesting! Cooking, botany, mechanics or bug dissecting!

Visit a museum, beach or art gallery.

See a show, concert or open mic night!

Adventure into your back yard with a magnifying glass. 

Sit on your roof, stare at the stars and create a new constellation.

Wander the arts and craft store until you stumble upon something that strikes your fancy! Use the coupon and forget about how messy it will be!

Have your children help you write a story filled with whatever comes to mind...you may create the next NY Times Best Seller!

Whatever it is you choose to do, start somewhere.  Figure out where God placed that creative bone inside your stunningly creative body and have fun! 

No rules, no expectations, no comparisons. 

Just you and the creative God who made you.  

~Mallory~

Have More Fun

I had the pleasure of watching this video about having more fun from the comfort of my home.  While it was playing at our meeting I was taking my wailing two year old home-- apparently he hasn't yet embraced this year's theme...have more fun and find your people Clay!

     I feel like Mandy has been somehow spying on my during this season of my life. How else would she know that it's mostly all admin (phone calls, paperwork, appointments, sports practices, homework, grocery shopping), making food (oh I detest the 3 times daily  making of the food) and checking things off my to-do-list (ok, I do love a good crossed out checklist).  If I'm honest, playing with my kids and having fun with my husband has been ranking a big fat last on my hierarchy of priorities-- and acknowledging that really stings. 

 

     When I look back at my childhood, I remember pretty much nothing about our day to day routine.  But here's what I do remember... I remember my mom baking cookies with me all the time (even though I'm sure I made it so much harder for her and spilled flour everywhere).  I remember my dad building us tree houses, taking us camping and reading us stories with all the crazy voices.  My brother somehow rigging his super soaker to spray me when I opened my bedroom door (who does that?). My grandpa paper-clipping dollar bills to his hat and a bunch of random places around his house for my brother and I to find.  We thought we were rich!  And when I think of my relationship with my husband, I think about how we drove across the country together when we were engaged.  How he sang "You've Lost That Loving Feeling" to me at our wedding.  How our boys adore him because he is "the fun one".

 

    I want to bring more of that good stuff into my adult life that has so easily become overrun by mundane tasks and just getting through the day.  I want to enjoy the moment and replace foreboding joy with things that will help me live with joy to the full.  To show people that I love them in a big way, and to know that I am loved by a good God.  I want to be healthier, more confident,  more accomplished, and lead a more fulfilling life.  I want to adapt easily when things go wrong.  So what can living with joy to the full actually look like in my everyday life? 

 

     Well first, it can look like letting go of the need to control.  This is something that I, and so many women struggle with.  It all starts with me acknowledging that there is very little in my life which is in my control, and therefore not sweating the small stuff.  When a wrench gets thrown in our plans, I can say to my kids, "No biggie.  Let's make a plan B.  Sometimes stuff happens!"  This shows them that there is no need to freak out.  With my husband it can look like biting my tongue and taking a minute to reassess before saying something I'll regret (I'm working on this every single day).

 

      Living with joy to the full can look like truly enjoying the moment that we're in.  So many times in my life I have been too busy focusing on the future or filled with anxiety, that I was never able to truly just appreciate the moment while I was living it.  That always leads to regret and wishing I had just enjoyed what I had when I had it.  I really try to stop and just notice things that are so beautiful.  The sunshine streaming through the windows.  The vibrant color of the flowers in my yard.  The round soft cheeks of my children who are older every second.

 

    Living with joy to the full can look like "doing it anyway."  Ohhhh, but getting the family ready for that day trip will take so much prep work.  The snacks, clothes, drinks, that I'll have to pack.  The driving I'll have to do.  I should just stay home and catch up on housework.  It's not worth it.  But that's just the thing....it's ALWAYS worth it.  Seeing new places, time spent together, glimpsing nature and smells and sounds, memories created.  It's worth it to me every single time (even if I have to block out the memories of meltdowns, which I have gotten really good at doing).

 

        Living with joy to the full can look like being more playful with my kids.  My husband definitely gets the credit for playing with our kids and will spend hours Lego building or tossing the ball with them.  But if I'm being honest, playing with my kids is not really my thing.  I just don't enjoy getting on the floor and playing trains or making play-doh creations with them.  (Sorry, not sorry). But what I do enjoy is being playful with them.  One of the tasks on my boys' morning routine chart is brushing their hair.  I always help them with this and the tears and screaming from having their hair combed was making us all just straight up miserable.  So one day, I turned my bathroom into "Kate's Salon".  I pretended like they were getting their hair styled by a professional and asked them all kids of questions about their lives while I did it.  And you know what.... they can't wait to visit Kate's Salon every single morning now....and I only take payment in kisses.  Their chore of taking out all the garbage on Sundays used to result in tears, yelling, and dramatic worries that no one will ever, ever hire them when they grow up. So I turned it into a competition to see if they could beat their time from last week to take all the trash out.  If they do, they get to watch America's Funniest Home videos that evening.  No more whining, no more crying, and they have so much fun being playful.   Everyone in a bad mood or just driving me crazy?  I crank up the "Call Me Maybe" station on Pandora and everyone dances until they're sweating and on the floor giggling.

 

     Living with joy to the full can look like just taking the time to have true conversation with my children and my husband.  This sounds so obvious, but I find myself saying, "Mmmm hmmm, yeah, ok," as I try to just get things done without having to hear about the latest Nerf Blaster and all 50 attachments that come with it.  Before bed the other night, I was laying with my oldest son and just taking the time to really talk.  He was telling me all about the latest book he's been reading, and casually mentioned that the name of the band the characters are in is called "Explosive Diaper".  Oh my word, I lost it.  I just started hysterically laughing, and then he started hysterically laughing, and then we just couldn't stop, and it reminded me that I love my son so much, (and 8 year old teeth when they're laughing are the best).  With my husband, it can look like taking the time to go on dates.  To get the babysitter, even if it's expensive or inconvenient.  Or to put the kids to bed and arrange a date at home (so many of those when we had newborns).  It can be so easy to turn into roommates when the kids are so little and needy, but it's so very important to remember why we chose one another in the first place-- and it's probably because we thought that person was a whole lot of fun.  

 

    Living with joy to the full can look like taking the time to invest in friendships.   When I was in high school and college, friends were my world.  Now I'm lucky if I get to see one a week:(  I try to really make it a priority to call up a friend and say, "Hey, let's go to the movies this week, I need a break!"  or "Let's try a new restaurant, I'm craving sushi."  I love the app Marco Polo for keeping in touch with my girlfriends who are far away, and what would I do without the occasional McDonald's play date to regain my sanity? Adult friendships take work, and they take putting yourself out there over and over, but the reward is so worth the effort.

 

    Being a mom and an adult is hard, but you can have joy to the full, if you make the choice by letting go of control and relying on a good God who loves you.  Take a step back and look at the big picture-- what do you would want your kids and your husband to remember years down the road? What do you want to remember about this phase of your life? Will you choose the path of striving, struggling, fighting and resisting?  Or will make small steps to choose the singing, running and dancing?  Maybe just start with the dinosaur costume at the bus stop and let me know how that goes ;)

 

~Kate~

Welcome Back Mops!

Yay! Mops is back! Although I truly enjoyed my summer with my kids I am so happy that Mops is back because lets be honest most of us probably have not had a decent breakfast since we last met in May! But besides the awesome breakfast we all share I can’t wait to explore what this new year will bring to each and everyone of you. To share laughter, tears, joy, coffee and maybe a few too many donuts.

I remember my first Mops meeting. I felt afraid, lost, and overwhelmed as I pushed myself out of the car. See, I hesitated to join mops for a full year! I remember contacting someone to register the year prior and never followed up to join because I was too afraid to put myself out there.  I saw all this beautiful ladies so well put together and I thought to myself man I don’t fit in! Then I started to see past the make up and beautifully matched outfits and saw them as what we are Moms! I want you to know You are not alone! And yes, being a mom is HARD we ALL struggle! And we need each other! This is why Mops was created so we can find each other in the midst of motherhood. I hope you come with an open heart and truly immerse yourself and discover what it is to be a mom, wife, woman or a friend “to the full” and have more fun while we are at it! Remember we are all here for a reason and is not an accident you decided this year to either continue or join mops for the first time. I am glad YOU came.

I hope that you truly felt welcomed and loved whether it was your first time at Mops or you are a veteran Mops mama! We have prepared and prayed for weeks coming to this date for YOU! and our encouragement for you today is that you truly find the One who has come so that you may live a life “To The Full.”

John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it TO THE FULL”