Fear vs. Faith Based Parenting

At our Last meeting we had the pleasure of having Jeff and Regina Cleek speak about faith-based parenting vs. fear-based parenting. Jeff and Regina Cleek teach the Growing Kids God’s Way class here at Big Valley Grace. It was a pleasure to have them and glean some Godly wisdom!

I am going to copy some of the notes for those of you who missed and so that we have a nice concise list to review and reflect on.

What does fear-based parenting look like?

1. When we are fearful we tend to over punish or under punish for behaviors.
2. When we are fearful we look o the world’s humanistic solutions and worldly philosophies.
3. When we are fearful we are more concerned with correcting external behavior to the neglect of their eternal heart.
4. When we are fearful we are concerned that they will reject us.
5. When we are fearful we tend to push them to please us rather than God.

What does faith-based parenting look like?

1. We are to go to God’s Word for wisdom and instruction. 

2. We are to instruct, appeal, and train to the heart of our children. 

3. We are to parent within the funnel. 

4. We are to recognize we are disciplining our children to the Glory of God. 


Honestly, friends, before we can even talk about parenting, we have to address something else. All of the parenting wisdom comes straight from the Bible. So, with that being said, we are going to have a hard time modeling and training our kids up to love the Lord if we ourselves do not know God’s word and how to apply it. We have got to be intentional about spending time with the Lord in prayer and in the Bible. God’s word is God’s will. If we want to know God’s will for our lives and God’s instructions for training our kids, we have got to dig into God’s word.

I am constantly asking God to work in my heart to mold me and shape my behavior to be useful to Him. I want to glorify God in all that I do. Colossians 3:23 says, “Whatever you do, work at it with your whole heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” Then you take that and apply it to this. It’s like a double whammy! “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (Col 3:12-14)
 
That always hits the nail on the head for me. If I am not seeing the behaviors in my children that I desire, it is pretty easy to figure out why. I have not modeled it to them. Ouch. This usually leads me deeper into God’s word and into prayer. My attitude changes pretty quickly and so do the attitudes of my dear little stinkers.
But seriously, I struggle with patience and grace all the time. Homeschooling must be God’s answer to this prayer. Lol. He’s like, here! This’ll give you plenty of opportunities to work on that grace and patience you are constantly praying for!

There was one thing that Jeff and Regina didn’t speak specifically about but I am going to take a little liberty to share with you. Being generally fearful as a parent. I know it’s not specifically tied to parenting but I want you to see how God can work when we switch from fear to faith. I don’t get too caught up in fear of rejection or teaching my kids worldly philosophies. I get caught up in fear for my children’s health and safety. It has led me to realize that I like to control things. HA! Me?! Never! I was always praying that God would help me give my children up to Him and stop living in fear. Want to know how God has helped me to grow in this area? He allowed my kids to get sick. All of them. This year. 

At the beginning of the year we realized that our youngest daughter had a lump in her arm. Man, I couldn’t have the cause diagnosed quickly enough. I couldn’t diagnose it myself. Does my baby have cancer? I had to wait for the test. And then the next test. And then to see a doctor out of town so that we could schedule the next test. I couldn’t do anything to make it go faster. We eventually learned that it wasn’t cancer and that it was something called an intramuscular lipoma but that this mass was positioned precariously around the blood supply and nerves of her arm. It was unlikely that the doctor would be able to completely remove it and it could come back if not completely removed. Thankfully, it wasn’t causing any issues so that plan was to watch and wait. The best news!

As a result of the pain and unknown that my family faced in the waiting for tests and appointments, he gave me friends that prayed over my girl and over me. He gave me deeper relationships with my friends. He gave me peace that He loved my daughter more than I did. He gave me understanding that God uses bad things for good. He gave me more empathy for families facing a hard diagnosis and many trips to doctors and hospitals. I believe that this situation will give my sweet girl a peculiar empathy and compassion for children with lumps, bumps, and other physical abnormalities.  

At the same time, we had to begin treating our middle daughter for asthma. Again, something I couldn’t make go away. I was blessed to have a friend tip me off to the symptoms that I had been overlooking. I was blessed to have a doctor for our family that was diligent with care of both of our girls. I realized just how blessed we are to have access to healthcare. I realized just how blessed we have been because we have applied of God’s wisdom on finances to our family. 

Shortly after this all happened, our oldest daughter got sick. She literally got sick over night and ended up so short of breath that I actually feared for her life. She had come down with pneumonia and had an asthmatic response. The team that cared for her got it under control and, during her hospital stay, I got to see my daughter’s sweet, gentle, and brave heart bless the hospital staff. The hospital staff greatly blessed us too. They were all so kind and joyfully served our family. I got time to bond with and care for my daughter. Again, I saw just how great of friends I had. They cared for my girl. They brought presents and visited and played cards with us. Once she got to go home, I had a dear friend, in the midst of her own hectic life, travel across town to bring me a meal. Again, I saw just how great a family doctor we had. I saw just how much my children loved and cared for each other. 

God uses the hard stuff for good. I wouldn’t choose these things for my kids but I can now more clearly understand how God uses the hard stuff to draw us into deeper relationship with Him. He never leaves us. He never forsakes us. Proverbs 3:25-26 says, “Have no fear of sudden disaster...for the Lord will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared.” John 16:33 says, “In this world you will have trouble. But take Heart! I have overcome the world.” John10:10 says, “The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that you may have life and have it to the full.”

Dear friends, if you are facing fear in your parenting or in general, rest assured that God is in control. Give God your troubles and rest in His goodness. His plans are far better than ours. We can’t even begin to understand the good plans He has for us. Lean in to Him. Commit your children to the Lord. He has a good plan.

P.S. Our church has been doing a series about suffering. It is based in Job. If you have a chance, listen to the sermons. You will be blessed.
Also, here is the link to the music video played in the sermons. It’s an incredible piece. Though You Slay Me by Shane and Shane 

~Tarah~