Being Brave... To Not Compare

Chances are, more than one of us has had this inner dialogue...

"I wish I was that mom, the one over there with the pretty hair (does she blow dry it every day??) and the put-together outfit. She looks happy too, she's always smiling. She probably doesn't yell at her kids or lose her temper with her husband. Wow, and she works out too?? I really feel like a loser..."

We all do this, don't we? As kids we did it, as teens we did it, and now we do it as moms. We compare ourselves to others, and it's so divisive. It divides our friendships and damages our peace of mind.

As moms, we are over-worked and under-appreciated. We're tired, and often dealing with a plethora of emotions and stressors, and because of that, are propelled into a very insecure state. Once in this state, we are then surrounded by other moms, all with unique gifts and qualities, and we notice.

But then we forget something vital: we are also unique and gifted.

Forgetting our own individuality, we focus on the seeming perfection of others, and remind ourselves of our own failures. We convince ourselves that we are the only one who... fill in the blank here. We assume that another mom isn't dealing with our issues, because her outfit says otherwise. Her outfit.

It's silly, really. But it's not, because it's very real. When we ought to be supporting and encouraging each other in this Mom Role, we instead foster jealousy for others, all the while putting down ourselves.

My fellow Mom: be confident in you! You are uniquely made and placed on this earth at precisely this time in history with the exact kids God wants for you to parent.

A few years ago I had to come to terms with some things about myself. If I was going to parent confidently, without comparing or slipping into a depression because of my need for perfection, I had to be real and honest with myself and with others. Here are some truths about me (as an act of self-love, I challenge you to make your own list of truths - be honest):

• I hate the park. The idea of taking my kids to the park and sitting there while they play literally bores me right out of my friggin mind.
• I enjoy knitting, but I despise any other kind of craft, especially paper crafts. 
• I like Pinterest for pictures of food and finding recipes and storing recipes. I usually skip the craft stuff. But to each their own!
• I love to cook. It's just my thing. 
• I hate folding laundry. I do it, but I don't have to like it. I refuse to iron. 
• I can be obsessive. I have to monitor my "hobbies" as they can quickly become obsessions. 
• I yell at my kids when I'm frustrated (the first step to changing something about yourself is to admit it, so I admit this. I have yet to figure out another mode of venting, however)
• I very rarely allow paint and play dough to be played with in my house. 
• I enjoy being active, but I can't actually call it "exercise" or I won't do it.
• I love to sing, but I'm not good at it. I also can't seem to recall any songs that are appropriate to sing to a baby when I'm put in that position. 

Here's how this helps me to be a better mom; I look at this list, and realize what my weaknesses are, and that it's OK. When I accept that I'm not perfect, that I'm not my own idealized version of what a mom should be, then I am free. With my list (which is not exhaustive), I can redefine what it means to be a mom. I accept me as a unique woman created to be who I am right now to my kids.

So I don't like the park? So what? Instead of wallowing in my "failure" and comparing myself to moms who like to take their kids to the park, I do something different. I take my kids to the mall. I love the mall, and so do they! Or I take my kids to KidSpace, or to Costco, or to a friend's house to play. I can go all down this list, and instead of shaming myself for what I'm not, I look at what I am.

Moms, be you. Don't be me, and don't be that other girl. Chances are, she and I don't have it all together. Those areas where you are rocking life? Those are probably the areas I struggle in.

Have grace for that other girl, even if her hair is pretty. And have grace for yourself, even when you haven't showered for the third day in a row. We are all doing life, and life is hard. We are all trying to be brave, even when we don't feel like it. Instead of focusing on what we aren't, let's look at what we are, and celebrate it! When we love and appreciate who we are, we are so much better equipped to love someone else, without comparing.

Be CHRISTmas Bravely!

The Christmas Lesson

by: Cheryl Nydam

Objective: to "Be CHRISTmas Bravely" this year

Materials Needed: a Bible, a listening heart, time

Assignment: to study the people of the 1st Christmas Story

Herod: Represents the deceiver in the story. Our culture deceives us into believing that Christmas is about shopping.

Response: Simplify! You don't have to wait in long lines. It's okay to pay a bit more to gain time with your family! Store bought cookies are okay!

Idea: Keep it simple by buying a different Christmas wrapping paper for each member of the family! 

Caesar Augustus: Represents the circumstances that are beyond our control that bring us to Him. The census was beyond Mary & Joseph's control. 

Response: The unexpected will come up. Look for God's plan in the midst of the unexpected. 

Idea: Keep a Christmas journal that you write in every year. 

Magi/Wisemen: They were men on a mission! They followed the star, found Jesus, and presented gifts to Him! 

Response: Give to others. 

Ideas: Pack a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child. Participate in the "Angel Tree" ministry by buying a gift for a child who's parent is incarcerated. 

Question: What will be your mission?

Joseph: Represents waiting and anticipating Jesus!

Response: Prepare your heart for Christmas! Anticipate Him! 

Ideas: Watch "The Nativity Story" as a family, read Christmas books with your children (The 25 Days of Christmas)

Angels: Represents peace through God's son, Jesus! The closer it gets to Christmas, the more frantic people become. When you're too busy, you do not experience peace. 

Question: Where will you look for peace? 

Idea: Play Christmas music & turn off all the lights in the house except for the ones on your Christmas tree! 

Shepherds: They spread the word of Jesus' birth. They glorified Him, and told everyone they came in contact with about Jesus.

Ideas: Have a birthday party for Jesus with the neighbors. Share the Christmas story or a Christmas movie about the birth of Jesus.

Question: Who can you share Him with? 

Innkeeper: Represents making room for Jesus!

Question: Where is He is your Christmas celebration? 

Mary: Represents a BRAVE mom who pondered and treasured the events of Jesus' life.

Response: Tuck away special moments in your heart. It's not about the gifts, it's about the people.

Question: What traditions would you like to start in your family?

Jesus: Represents the center! All eyes were on Him!

Response: He is the reason for the season. Don't put Him "away" after Christmas. Let him be your focus everyday & all year long! 

Scripture Refernces: 2 Timothy 3:16-17, Matthew 1:18-25, Luke 2:1-20, Matthew 2:1-12, John 16:33

Being Brave...To Become the Mom You'd Always Hoped You'd Be

As our speaker this week took the stage, she casually removed her wedge booties, able to move about the stage freely. A few sentences in, she removed her blazer and confessed it was from Forever21. She's 53 and shops at Forever21; can I be her when I grow up?

But jackets bought at trendy mall stores and the coolness of removing her shoes on stage were soon overshadowed by Rhonda Stoppe's obvious gift for speaking. With passion and faith, she didn't just give a talk, she gave a sermon.

She began by reminding us of the importance of our work as mothers: we are architects of the next generation. Our children are our mission field. What we do, and how we do it, will change the world. Will we remember that our children are the thing we are here for? Or will we get caught up in the nonsense that the world tells us we need in order to be a good mom?

The fear set in here. With panic, I wonder if I've been preparing for my role in my children's lives. Or if instead I've been caught up in other things, reacting instead of having a plan. Why have I not studied more when I felt I was lacking, or sought guidance when I didn't know what to do? Instead, I let the night come, and another rushed morning go by, and my life is now a series of nonsensical sound bites.

 I am not alone.

We say in unison, and maybe some of us believe it.

I admit, sometimes I feel alone. The reality is that motherhood is a breeding ground for isolation. Or at least it is in our culture. But in the Church, it just should not be.

I am not alone.

We say it again, and I think we begin to see the truth in it.

Did you feel alone when you were struggling to get out the door for MOPS? When your 2 year old refused her breakfast, or your baby spit up all over the only clean and presentable outfit you could find in your closet? Did you feel alone when your husband asked you to make his coffee and you felt like you could just explode if one more person demanded one more thing from you?

The truth is, we all feel this way. And you are not alone. I am not alone.

Not only do we have friends (you really do!) who are ready and aching to help, but we serve and love a God who is full of grace and power, and He longs to help us when we feel like we're on the battlefield facing a giant.

He is there. He is with us.

I know this, don't I? Why don't I often feel the truth of it?

Because motherhood can isolate us, drain us of our rest, mess with our minds, and break down even the strongest of relationships bit by bit.... If we allow it. Or we can claim he truth.

I am not alone.

And instead of believing the lie that you are without help and without hope, call out for it. Find your brave and call a friend. Pray to the One who has the strength when you do not.

I am at a place in my life where I feel very alone. I feel lost, and I'm not sure how to navigate the terrain before me. It's a scary place to stand, especially when you have little eyes (and future mothers) looking at you, waiting for you to guide them. Waiting to see what you do.

And with each passing day, I only seem to tally more failures than successes, and discouragement threatens to take me down to that dreaded place and a trip to the doctor for a Zoloft prescription.

And then I go to MOPS during Thanksgiving week, feeling stressed by my dirty bathrooms, but ready to forget that life isn't super cool right now for just these two hours.

And God brings a speaker (preacher) like Rhonda, who makes you want to fall in love with Jesus, because He is our help. Our love for Him transcends our list of fails and wins we have tallied in our heads, and He offers us grace, and the power to offer grace to our children.

As you head into the holidays, I wish you overflowing love, buckets of grace, and big moments of brave.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and corageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

I AM MOM! By Megan Ostlind

Jenny Dean Schmidt hit the nail on the head when she said media and society have put a lot of "false lights" in the spotlight. The image of motherhood has gone from one of significance to an image of boring and useless. Well, I and Jenny Dean Schmidt vehemently disagree. As Jenny said, society is so blinded by who they hold in roles of importance that they miss the significance of mothers raising the next generation. The real issue is not that society is like this, but that moms look for their self-worth through society and the media.

As a mom who most of my interaction with the outside world is achieved via internet, I know how easy and heartbreaking it is to get caught up in what I "should" be. I SHOULD be a size 2. I SHOULD be a working mom. I SHOULD go back to school. But I'm not any of those things because they don't work for me. Then I thought, who's picture would I be fitting into if I did all these things? If I had done what society says to do when you find out about a surprise pregnancy at 19, I would not be a mother. Society says that motherhood isn't worth it at 19, that there's no way I'd be a good mother. Well, I'm glad my God is bigger than society, and I'm glad he instilled a desire for mothering in me when I was young. So, when most 19 year olds think an unplanned baby is a travesty, I knew she was a blessing. (...children are a gift from the Lord... Psalm 127:3)

Motherhood is not the good for nothing job society makes it out to be. No, God made women to bear and raise children for a reason. Nothing society says or does can negate that. I especially loved how Jenny put it: "the world would fall apart without moms!" How true is that?! What we do as moms is so significant and so worthwhile.

Our God, the Creator of the universe, the Maker of all things good, made you a mom. He knew what He was doing when He gave you your child(ren). Regardless of what society says, I believe God thinks our jobs are so very important. He chose us, He entrusted us with the future.

"...see, I have you inscribed on the palms of My hands..." Isaiah 49:16. THAT'S how important you are and that's where you find your self-worth.

I want to thank all you lovely ladies for taking the time to read my very first blog post! I was so nervous for a week about this and I want to thank you for letting me open my heart to you. For those of you who don't know me, I'm (I think) the youngest mom in MOPS. I'm a whopping 21 years old, married to my best friend, Ben, and mother to our beautiful 16 month old, Catalia (ask me about the name in person if you're interested). I've lived in Modesto and attended BVG for about two and a half years. My interests include writing, instagram, and Batman. I also love to read but I can't even find the time to read my emails! Anyway, I might not have many years on me, but I do have quite a few ridiculous life experiences. I'm an open book and I love to chat!

Kicking the Clutter to the Curb!

This week, Cheri Gregory came to our MOPS group to talk about getting rid of the clutter in our lives. With a title like, “50 Ways to Leave Your Clutter: Go On and Ditch that Lyin’ Cheatin’ Back-Stabbin’ Stuff for Good,” I knew our MOPS group was in for a great morning. I was expecting to hear some interesting organizational tips on how to tidy up, but it was so much more. Not only did Cheri give us great tips on de-cluttering, but she also gave our hearts a deep cleaning by getting to the root of letting stuff go.

There were so many great things I learned from Cheri, but the one thing that resonated with me the most was when she asked us to finish the sentence:

            “I have so many/much ____ in my house/garage that ______.”

Then she asked us to finish: “With more open space, I could…”

I have a tendency to create piles. The piles consist of pictures my kids have drawn, papers from kindergarten, and catalogs/mail I think I’ll look at in the future. Sometimes it’s a laundry basket of clothes that won’t get folded for a really loooong time. My husband is very neat and tidy, and every now and then he politely hates on my tower of junk. Now, I could claim to really, really be embracing our MOPS theme and hand him the lovely laminated card, complete with our theme verse that Cheri gave us, but that would be kind of lame. The truth is, I would love a house with less clutter.

So, to fill in the blanks of Cheri’s sentence, I would say: I have so many piles of junk in my house that it makes my husband (and myself) miserable.

After our MOPS meeting, I was wired (thanks to the rockin’ coffee from the hospitality team)& inspired to conquer the pile of papers that took up a third of my dining room table. It’s been there since Christmas. I realized this when I found the left over Christmas cards at the bottom of the pile.

As I went through all the little papers on my dining room table, Cheri’s questions ran through my mind. Why do I still have this? Ulta catalog with expired coupon…chuck it. Am I hanging on to this because of guilt? I love you, sweet son, but this 40^th drawing of Sonic the Hedgehog has to go. Am I really a _______er? Couponer? No. Goodbye Redplum coupon book. Has that season of my life passed? Old Christmas cards? Yes, Christmas passed 3 months ago. Into the garbage you go!

The final result was beautiful! Check it out:

I forgot to take a before picture, but if you must know…it looked something like this:

Now, the dining room table was my warm-up. My husband and I are starting to feel like our family is complete. My youngest son will be 4 in June. We have a garage full of baby stuff we’ll no longer need, and it’s tempting to hang on to the things my boys used during their first precious years of life. BUT, how awesome would it be to have a clean garage? So, now I can ask myself, “Am I holding on to make my life the way it used to be?” “Am I hanging on to this because of what it once cost me?” & “Has this season of my life passed?” I am ready to take on the baby stuff, and I will remind myself that I am not feeling empty; I am feeling spacious.

For more information on Cheri Gregory, check out: 

www.cherigregory.com

www.50waystoleaveyourclutter.com

www.facebook.com/cheri.gregory.author

Keep Your Eye on the Big Picture

Wanna know a secret?  I've attempted to write and rewrite (and rewrite again) this blog post a million times over the last week.

I'll admit that it may have a little something to do with my perfectionist tendencies.  However, I believe that the real reason I wasn't comfortable publishing anything I tried to put together has more to do with what God was trying to teach me in the meantime... more on that in a minute.

We learned a bit about having a financial vision for our family from our speaker, Christy Erickson.  Preparing for your family's future by having a spending plan (a term that's a little easier to swallow than "budget") is counter-cultural nowadays.  So many people are up to their ears in credit card debt because of our generation's "you deserve it" attitude, but it doesn't have to be that way!  Meal planning, couponing, gardening, and simplifying life in general are all great ways to cut back on spending and cut down on debt.  

We also heard from Pastor Robert Gelinas (via video), a husband and father of six who presented at the MOPs Convention last October.  He shared about how his family has created a plan - or "blueprint" - that encompasses`each family member's mind, body, and spirit.  They regularly pray about how to edit their blueprint, get the kids involved in the process, and refer to it often in their daily interactions.  They even created an acronym using their last name to help them remember who they are as a family.

Pastor Gelinas explained that by having (and using) a vision for your family, everyone can easily refocus and keep the big picture in mind when life gets a little muddy.  He said, "Don't let the immediate distract you from the ultimate."

Don't let the immediate distract you from the ultimate.

Easier said than done, eh?

God reminded me of this message all week long, tweaking it to fit the situation at hand, and whispering it into my heart:

"Don't let your the newest Facebook news distract you from playing just one more round of Candyland with your boys."
"Don't let that one little temper tantrum steal the joyful memories you made at the park this morning."
"Don't let the fact that your husband came home later than expected keep you from enjoying what little time you get to spend together."  
"Don't let a silly blog post get in the way of an important spiritual lesson."

Whether it's drafting a will, working on a spending plan, writing a family vision statement or something entirely different, let me encourage you as I've been encouraged this week... Plan for tomorrow, and then act on your plans, so that you can be present for today.    

Life is What Happens When We're Busy Making Other Plans

It's been a looooong three weeks since our last meeting, and it was so nice to spend time together!  As much as I was looking forward to hanging out, I knew the topic would be heavy, and could bring up some painful personal experiences for many of us (myself included).

If you've read the most recent post on my personal blog, you learned from Kathi Lipp that it's not enough to just share your story with someone else.  You must take it one step further and share what God has done with that story because that is where ministry happens.  She noted that "the thing that nearly killed you can be used to save someone else's life."

That's exactly the kind of ministry Bridgette Eilers shared with us.

While most cannot directly relate to her personal cancer diagnosis, I'd be shocked if there was a single woman in the Venue on Tuesday who hasn't been touched in some way by infertility, miscarriage, cancer or some other form of loss or chronic illness.  However, I'm confident that we can all relate to thinking we have our lives under control.  We've all been lulled into believing that our plans will come to fruition exactly as we imagined without a single bump in the road, even if it has nothing to do with anything major.

BUT... God says, "I know what I'm doing - I have it all planned out.  Plans to take care of you, not to abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." (Jeremiah 20:11, The Message)

We've all run into something we couldn't fix - something we had no control over.  That's not the important part.  What really matters is how we respond to our trials.  Do we continue to battle with God over control, only to end up frustrated and exhausted?  Or do we offer our lives to Him, submitting to His will, even if it doesn't fall in line with what we thought our lives would look like?  Do we desperately search for peace in the world only to fall short and remain desperate?  Or do we fall into the loving arms of the only one who can deliver true peace?

"I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart.  And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give.  So don't be troubled or afraid."  (John 14:27)  Also, 2nd Corinthians 1:3-4 reminds us that God is the source of our comfort, and The Message version adds "He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us."

So I guess MOPs is on to something this year... Share your story.  Be authentic.  And show how God has used your situation to minister to someone else.

After my first (very public) miscarriage, I was shocked at the number of women who came to me and admitted - with darting glances and hushed voices - that they'd lost babies as well.  My first thought was, "Why didn't anybody tell me this could happen?  Why is it such a big shameful secret?"  Our silence simply perpetuates the toxic lie that starry-eyed brides are led to believe - that pregnancy is plannable (is that a word?) and easy and glamorous.  And for some, it is.  But for those who have struggled or lost or dealt with a tough diagnosis, I believe we have a responsibility to be honest about our struggles - if for no other reason than to bring glory to the One who brought us through the junk, offering comfort and peace.

This doesn't mean that our meager words will fix or prevent someone else's problems.  But we can provide some hope.  We can use our personal experiences to assure our fellow sufferers that they won't be left to muddle through the hard stuff alone.

Bridgette used the "thing that nearly killed her" to provide comfort in someone else's life by developing a non-profit organization called The Chemo Crew.  This group offers help and hope to cancer patients and their families by assembling and distributing Chemo Crew Kits filled with books and informational resources as well as comfort items like hard candy (to help with metal mouth) and hot/cold rice packs (to soothe sore spots) and water bottles.  Visit their website to find out how you can donate items for these kits, or volunteer in another capacity.

You don't have to start a full-fledged organization to offer support to someone.  You can bring them a meal, or meet for coffee and let them cry on your shoulder, or rake their leaves, or send them an encouraging card in the mail, or pray with them.

You can share your story... and use it to demonstrate God's love.

Whether we're dealing with cancer or the terrible two's, the truth is that we're not alone.  Turn your sob-story into a testimony, and be a part of God's plan for someone else's life by showing them that they're not alone either.

Finding Balance - Photographically Speaking

Picture this... 
You and your little one are hanging out at home, and she does something particularly adorable.  You run away briefly and return with your fancy camera, trying everything in your power to get her to be adorable again so you can capture the moment and savor it over and over again.  The problem is, your tiny tot is no longer in the mood to perform, and now everyone's frustrated.

Or perhaps you've forgotten the aforementioned camera on a once-in-a-lifetime trip and now you'll never forgive yourself for not being able to zoom in just so to create the clearest, most detailed picture of your children the world has ever seen.

Jerad Hill, our speaker at today's meeting, encouraged us to forget about perfection (because there are apps for that!), and stop lugging our giant camera bags around because "The best camera is the one that's with you."

With the advent of social networking, our culture is bent on preserving every detail of our lives in photographs.  But how much are we really able to experience - in living color - if we're focused on viewing our lives through the camera lens?  And what are we teaching our children?    

I loved hearing Jerad's thoughts because he has the experience of a professional photographer, but also the perspective of a loving father who wants to participate in his young boys' lives.  He challenged us to find a balance between capturing memories and taking part in them.  

Save the editing for when the kids are in bed.  The world can wait to see your son's newest trophy till morning, but your son wants to see the pride on your face - not the camera that's covering it up.  Your daughter wants to see that her dances delight you, even when the camera is safely stowed in your purse.

And let me encourage you to also remember to include yourself in some of these photos.  As moms, we tend to do most of the photography, and our children's scrapbooks are filled with photos of everyone but us.  

By using your smart phone and a few easy-to-use apps, it's possible to effectively capture snippets of your family's adventures, and then tuck it away so that you can really engage in what's going on.  Jerad introduced us to Camera Genius, which is a photo-taking app, and several photo editors including SnapSeed, Diptic PDQ, Photo Editor by Aviary, Afterlight, and Visco Cam.  And he suggested using Animoto.com as an easy way to turn your photos into a slideshow.

If you're interested in learning more from Jerad, make sure you follow him on Facebook (facebook.com/jeradhillphotographer) and Twitter (@jeradhill) and visit his website (jeradhillphoto.com).  Also, if you do like to use a "giant" camera, learn how to get more out of it by taking his online course called Ditch Auto (ditchauto.com) for FREE and stay tuned for a smart phone version as well.