Okay, so to be completely honest with you, I was looking for my notes to start writing this blog, and sadly I cannot find them anywhere. With that being said, I'm gonna try this off of memory, eek.
So first off, I just loved Deby's sense of humor! It was so fun to hear her speak. Thank you Deby for sharing your time with us.
Now to start this here blog thing...
There were a couple things that stood out to me from Deby's time of sharing that related to my life. The first one being that I can be just like Israel at times. I forget God. I end up trying to do life without Him. Then something happens and I'm running to Him for help. Once things are "okay" again for a bit, I start to get comfortable again and leave God behind. And the cycle repeats itself, and on and on it goes. I don't want it to be this way. I want to always, in every situation go to God first, not that that means I will. Deby said in her talk that "We are never stronger than when we are close to the Lord". I agree 100%. (I found my notes; see below, lol). This gives me the desire to grow closer to Him and know Him more.
The next thing that stood out to me was that we all have our own battles. You might know by now that the biggest battle that I face every day is anxiety. I overthink everything to a point that it just isn't healthy. Anxiety takes away so much of my time and energy that I could be using for the good of others and even myself. I'm gonna go ahead and say that anxiety is the "Sisera" in my life. (Okay, I just got up for a minute to grab my notebook and start working on something else cuz I was drawing a blank, and when I grabbed my notebook, 'wah-la' there were my notes! Thank you Jesus!). Okay so back on track here... I keep wanting and praying that God would defeat this enemy of mine and take it away from me; I mean doesn't He know that I could be used in some amazing ways if I was healed!? C'mon God! But for what? So I can thank Him in the moment and forget about Him in the next?... (I don't believe this is why I'm not healed, I think I'm just being hard on myself). More often than not though I think that maybe I'm not supposed to be healed... at least not yet. It's been easier for me to see God move in difficult times. If I didn't struggle, how would I know I need Jesus? I've had to lean into Him and His strength WAAAY more times than I can count because of my anxious thoughts. I'm so thankful He's there so I CAN lean into Him. God is my Superhero. When I see the moments of peace He brings in the midst of my anxiety or other difficult times, I see Him helping me "fight Sisera" and it's fun to see the little mini battles and big battles He's helped me win.
2 Corinthians 12:7-9
... Therefore in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
This next verse I would cry and pray it to God over and over when I was going through some tough anxiety last year.
Psalm 25:16-17
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.
-Heidi M.
