I
feel like Mandy has been somehow spying on my during this season of my
life. How else would she know that it's mostly all admin (phone calls,
paperwork, appointments, sports practices, homework, grocery shopping),
making food (oh I detest the 3 times daily making of the food) and
checking things off my to-do-list (ok, I do love a good crossed out
checklist). If I'm honest, playing with my kids and having fun with my
husband has been ranking a big fat last on my hierarchy of priorities--
and acknowledging that really stings.
When I look back
at my childhood, I remember pretty much nothing about our day to day
routine. But here's what I do remember... I remember my mom baking
cookies with me all the time (even though I'm sure I made it so much
harder for her and spilled flour everywhere). I remember my dad
building us tree houses, taking us camping and reading us stories with
all the crazy voices. My brother somehow rigging his super soaker to
spray me when I opened my bedroom door (who does that?). My grandpa paper-clipping dollar bills to his hat and a bunch of random places
around his house for my brother and I to find. We thought we were
rich! And when I think of my relationship with my husband, I think about
how we drove across the country together when we were engaged. How he
sang "You've Lost That Loving Feeling" to me at our wedding. How our
boys adore him because he is "the fun one".
I want to
bring more of that good stuff into my adult life that has so easily
become overrun by mundane tasks and just getting through the day. I
want to enjoy the moment and replace foreboding joy with things that
will help me live with joy to the full. To show people that I love them
in a big way, and to know that I am loved by a good God. I want to be
healthier, more confident, more accomplished, and lead a more
fulfilling life. I want to adapt easily when things go wrong. So what
can living with joy to the full actually look like in my everyday life?
Well first, it can look like letting go of the need to control.
This is something that I, and so many women struggle with. It all
starts with me acknowledging that there is very little in my life which
is in my control, and therefore not sweating the small stuff. When a
wrench gets thrown in our plans, I can say to my kids, "No biggie.
Let's make a plan B. Sometimes stuff happens!" This shows them that
there is no need to freak out. With my husband it can look like biting
my tongue and taking a minute to reassess before saying something I'll
regret (I'm working on this every single day).
Living
with joy to the full can look like truly enjoying the moment that we're
in. So many times in my life I have been too busy focusing on the
future or filled with anxiety, that I was never able to truly just
appreciate the moment while I was living it. That always leads to
regret and wishing I had just enjoyed what I had when I had it. I
really try to stop and just notice things that are so beautiful. The
sunshine streaming through the windows. The vibrant color of the
flowers in my yard. The round soft cheeks of my children who are older
every second.
Living with joy to the full can look like
"doing it anyway." Ohhhh, but getting the family ready for that day trip
will take so much prep work. The snacks, clothes, drinks, that I'll
have to pack. The driving I'll have to do. I should just stay home and
catch up on housework. It's not worth it. But that's just the
thing....it's ALWAYS worth it. Seeing new places, time spent together,
glimpsing nature and smells and sounds, memories created. It's worth it
to me every single time (even if I have to block out the memories of
meltdowns, which I have gotten really good at doing).
Living with joy to the full can look like being more playful with
my kids. My husband definitely gets the credit for playing with our
kids and will spend hours Lego building or tossing the ball with them.
But if I'm being honest, playing with my kids is not really my thing. I
just don't enjoy getting on the floor and playing trains or making
play-doh creations with them. (Sorry, not sorry). But what I do enjoy
is being playful with them. One of the tasks on my boys' morning
routine chart is brushing their hair. I always help them with this and
the tears and screaming from having their hair combed was
making us all just straight up miserable. So one day, I turned my
bathroom into "Kate's Salon". I pretended like they were getting their
hair styled by a professional and asked them all kids of questions about
their lives while I did it. And you know what.... they can't wait to
visit Kate's Salon every single morning now....and I only take payment
in kisses. Their chore of taking out all the garbage on Sundays used to
result in tears, yelling, and dramatic worries that no one will ever,
ever hire them when they grow up. So I turned it into a competition to
see if they could beat their time from last week to take all the trash
out. If they do, they get to watch America's Funniest Home videos that
evening. No more whining, no more crying, and they have so much fun
being playful. Everyone in a bad mood or just driving me crazy? I
crank up the "Call Me Maybe" station on Pandora and everyone dances
until they're sweating and on the floor giggling.
Living
with joy to the full can look like just taking the time to have true
conversation with my children and my husband. This sounds so obvious,
but I find myself saying, "Mmmm hmmm, yeah, ok," as I try to just get
things done without having to hear about the latest Nerf Blaster and all
50 attachments that come with it. Before bed the other night, I was
laying with my oldest son and just taking the time to really talk. He
was telling me all about the latest book he's been reading, and casually
mentioned that the name of the band the characters are in is called
"Explosive Diaper". Oh my word, I lost it. I just started hysterically
laughing, and then he started hysterically laughing, and then we just
couldn't stop, and it reminded me that I love my son so much, (and 8
year old teeth when they're laughing are the best). With my husband, it
can look like taking the time to go on dates. To get the babysitter,
even if it's expensive or inconvenient. Or to put the kids to bed and
arrange a date at home (so many of those when we had newborns). It can
be so easy to turn into roommates when the kids are so little and needy,
but it's so very important to remember why we chose one another in the
first place-- and it's probably because we thought that person was a
whole lot of fun.
Living with joy to the full can look
like taking the time to invest in friendships. When I was in high
school and college, friends were my world. Now I'm lucky if I get to
see one a week:( I try to really make it a priority to call up a friend
and say, "Hey, let's go to the movies this week, I need a break!" or
"Let's try a new restaurant, I'm craving sushi." I love the app Marco
Polo for keeping in touch with my girlfriends who are far away, and what
would I do without the occasional McDonald's play date to regain my
sanity? Adult friendships take work, and they take putting yourself out
there over and over, but the reward is so worth the effort.
Being a mom and an adult is hard, but you can have joy to the full, if
you make the choice by letting go of control and relying on a good God
who loves you. Take a step back and look at the big picture-- what do
you would want your kids and your husband to remember years down the
road? What do you want to remember about this phase of your life? Will
you choose the path of striving, struggling, fighting and resisting? Or
will make small steps to choose the singing, running and dancing?
Maybe just start with the dinosaur costume at the bus stop and let me
know how that goes ;)
~Kate~
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