Dear You!

“How you think about being a parent DEEPLY shapes how your KIDS view the world.” Mandy Ariotos’ comment stopped me on my tracks while I was trying to eat my doughnut Tuesday morning.

Well, Game over! I am done for! I have complained, doubted my parenting ability, vented to my friends of how overwhelming this PARENTING job is. Surely this means my kids are going to complain, vent and feel overwhelmed with life! So, I am giving you all my 2-week notice. Please find a new mother for my children who loves motherhood 24 HOURS A DAY, one who will never complain or vent! She will be calm, patient, and joyful about motherhood. I desire my kids to be children/adults who love life, so please help me help them, by finding a better mother for them.

If it was only this simple.

Let’s hear that again, “How YOU think about being a PARENT DEEPLY shapes how your KIDS view the world.”

I am going to be super real with you all right now and tell you that at 38 weeks pregnant I found myself with this thought, “Would I love my child when I realized he/she was not perfect?” I mean really, when they were not sleeping, spitting up at me, pooping on me, talking back to me, you name it, would I still love them? Well, my fears were put to rest when she was born. I know you know this already, but you love that child so much when they are being charming and attentive, as well as when they are being punks, rude, and unkind. It is inside our soul to love them more than ourselves, to put ourselves second, third, or fourth on our own list, just to make sure they are well and taken care of.

Going back to the thought given to us by Mandy, “How YOU think about being a PARENT DEEPLY shapes how your KIDS view the world.” If this idea is true, and I love this child as much as my soul tells me I do, then I need to evaluate how I view parenting. Most would tell us, “Ok well, go open the best parenting book and start there.” Mandy had a different view on this; before you view your thoughts on parenting, view your thoughts on YOU! Who are you? How do you view You? Do you like yourself most days? Do you like the place you are at in life? What ignites your fire? What perks your interest?

If you don’t love yourself, if you are not taking care of yourself, if you aren’t fueling yourself, HOW can you love, care for, or fuel someone else? Say, What?! All of us are in different places in our lives with this concept of loving our self. Some of us are in the pit of hell, just trying to survive the day. Those moms may view this thought as “Absorb; one more thing to throw on your ‘to-do list’.” Others may have been in the pit, but someone already placed a ladder down to them, which helped navigate them out of this ugly place. These women may already be in the journey of learning to love herself.

Whatever place you are at, know these two truths; you are not alone, and you are loved so much by one amazing God. There is a way out if you’re in the pit, even when you do not see a ladder in sight. If you have been thrown a ladder already and have gotten out of it or are in the middle of your climb out, please remember to put a ladder back down for another momma to make her way out herself.

I believe with my entire heart, we can all emerge from this pit. Trust me, I was one of the women at the bottom. It starts with putting ourselves first on our to-do list. I also believe by doing so, we will be better human beings, better lovers, better mothers, and better friends. (Almost sounds like a 90’s rap song 😊).

In closing, here are three points to ponder or enact today:

1. Can you please stop what you’re doing right now and say, “I am going to learn to love myself, because I am worth loving!” Say it again, “I am going to learn to love myself, because I am worth loving!” Say this every day until you mean it and believe it! This will one day become “I love myself!” “I really love where I am at!” This concept is not cocky or conceited. If you can’t love yourself, it will be hard for you to put yourself first. Say it again, “I am going to learn to love myself, because I am worth loving!”
2. Look at your to-do list and replace three of your chores today and every day for the next thirty days with:
1. I will make my kids belly laugh every day.
2. I will take 30 min to myself and do whatever it takes to make myself feel fueled (this may mean waking up earlier or staying up a little later, or asking for help, just to get this time).
3. Do something to make you feel beautiful. Like maybe actually shower today, or put on a favorite lip shape, spray some perfume, or maybe just say, “you’re beautiful, darling!”
3. Ask, “What fueled me before motherhood, before wifehood? What made me get excited about life?” Write those things down and then try doing them again! Maybe it was singing, dancing, playing an instrument, running, cheering, meeting your friends after school/work, creating, acting, whatever fuels YOU!!! This is about YOU, not your husband or your child or your best friend.

So, start here, right here at MOPS this year. Let this be your ladder that helps you find your way out. Let this year be the year you find YOUR fire. This year is about fueling you and in return you will be able to fuel those around you.

Now imagine how your view of parenting might be able to change with a healthy you!

The phrase “How you think about being a parent DEEPLY shapes how your KIDS view the world,” may just not sound so negative anymore, when you are the best version of you!

Much Love,

Yessie J.

MOPS is Back

MOPS is back! MOPS is back! Who else did a happy dance when they woke up that Tuesday morning? Hot coffee, donuts (with no sharing required), and adult conversation are going to be a regular part of your life ladies! WOOHOO! This year is going to be so fun! I promise.

I hope everyone had a blast at our first meeting. If you missed it, don’t worry, there is a lot more MOPS awesomeness coming your way this year. I hope you know that every one of you is not here by accident. You have been prayed for all summer long and that isn’t stopping now. I hope that you allow yourself to step out of your comfort zone and soak in everything that MOPS has to offer you. Here you will find your tribe, a safe place to laugh or cry, and a break that you deserve. You do so much for others mama; you deserve this.

I feel like we all remember that first day feeling. I remember walking in my first day and feeling a bit overwhelmed. Thoughts like, what if no one likes me or what if I say something dumb were running through my mind. Those worries quickly disappeared once I started meeting these sweet moms!  They made me want to come back. My first year I held back a bit, and my second I came back determined to get the most out of MOPS. I have made the greatest friends I have ever had here. Friends that will say, “Come to my house now and I’ll feed you.” Food is my love language, okay! Friends that will let me vent and not judge me. Friends that will stop me mid-sentence and say, "We are going to pray about this RIGHT NOW." I want all of these things for each and every one of you! Welcome to your mom tribe ladies. This is the year that you find what sparks you! Don’t hold back.

-Ana

Flawed but Free

Oh MOPs, how I’ve grown to love you. I never would have thought I’d be part of a “mom group”, but now I can’t imagine my life and motherhood without it.

I’ve loved so much about this year’s theme Free Indeed.

I have moments when I’m gutsy, and moments when I hold back. I have moments when I let love be the loudest voice, and moments when I don’t. I have moments when I go first, and moments when I don’t go at all.

All that is okay. Even if you haven’t ‘Gone First’, ‘Let Love be the Loudest Voice’, or ‘Been Gutsy’ yet, you still can! We may be starting a new theme next year, or even a new adventure, but we can still take away from this year.

I may not be free from what I consider are my difficulties and flaws, but I can be free from tearing myself down about them. They’re there and it is what it is right now. I get to choose to be kind to myself and move forward. Whatever circumstance I’m in or ‘problem’ I’m having, God can use it to transform my heart. My attitude towards my life has a huge impact on how my day goes. No lie, it’s hard to have an attitude of glad-itude over an attitude of mad-itude sometimes; it can be hard to just have a positive attitude over a negative one. But for me, when I have a negative attitude, it makes everything worse and no good comes from it. It doesn’t help to tear myself down. It helps to build myself up in Jesus and in who He says I am. That brings me freedom; that yes I’m flawed because of sin, but I’m a child of God and He loves me, He created me for a purpose, and He’s going to continue refining me until I’m home with Him. I can embrace the good qualities I’ve been given and work with what I’ve got.

I really loved Racquel’s idea of writing out the unhelpful lies we believe about ourselves and things that are true of us and TEARIN’ up them lies!

I wrote something like:

I AM WORTHLESS AND DON’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT

Then I wrote:

I AM FUNNY

I AM KIND

I AM TEACHABLE

Sometimes I see myself becoming beautiful in different ways, even where I would’ve never thought I was beautiful before. Of course then in moments when I fall, I see parts where I’m still flawed. But that always just takes me back to my need for Jesus. Oh how needy I am for Him and how thankful I am to have Him in my life!

I also loved Dana’s analogy…. It was an analogy, right?... Lol. Anyway, whatever it’s called, here goes my paraphrase… I loved the analogy of the $20 being crumpled up and torn but people still wanting to use it. We can see ourselves as broken, worthless, or hopeless, but God sees us as His beautiful children He created. We are loved. And we are wanted.

Lord, sometimes I think You have Your work cut out for You with me and my issues, but then I remember that You’re God and nothing is impossible for You; not even me. Thank You for Your grace and for loving me while I’m a continual work in progress on this earth. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

-Heidi

Encourage One Another

Last MOPS was my favorite meeting of the year. Three Brave and beautiful mamas got up on that huge stage with those bright, shiny, sweaty lights, and stood in front of over 100 women and poured out their hearts for us. I love these three gals so very much and I am blessed to call them all friends.

When I think of these gals it reminds me of what brought me to MOPS 4 years ago. It was to find some friends. My husband, 3 little girls and myself had just left a ministry we were working at in TX after finding out that it was corrupt. We left quickly and moved back to Modesto without a home or a job for Matt.
We started back up at our old church but I wasn't able to click with the women there.

One morning I woke up feeling very sad and alone, my heart ached for some girl friends...even just one. I read my devotional and it just so happened to be about friendships. I got the girls out of my brother and sister in laws house, where we were staying at the time, and took them to the local McDonald's. Took a book with me because it was 11am  and it would probably be slow. I was looking forward to some quiet time.... afterall it was a Tuesday. We walked in and the play area at the Pelandale McDonald’s was brimming with toddlers and some intimidating mothers who seemed to all know each other. I told myself to just sit in the corner and keep my head down. After some play time, Riette had to pee and ran to the bathroom barefooted. I chased her in there and a Mama of twins was also in there. She asked if I was a part of MOPS....
"Umm no, is that some sort of government program?" I naively replied.
Regina ignored my stupidity and brought me back to the group introducing me to some amazing Mamas...Heather, Amy, and Melanie were so kind and they invited me to MOPS. Amy even knew my husband and we all knew many of the same people so I thought maybe it wouldn't  be so bad.

My first MOPS meeting I walked in blown away by all the perfect looking Mamas and felt a bit uneasy..but Jennifer spoke to me in the breakfast line and put me at ease. My table just happened to have one of my friends from church and a sweet gal named Sarah there too. There was only a few meetings left that year but I kept going...I had feelings of not belonging and awkwardness but every meeting someone would suggest to keep going and not give up.

So the next year I came back, Amy was my table leader and she was such an amazing support for me. She listened to me at a time I felt like no one would. She allowed me to feel like a normal mom and not the label I was putting on myself as a "Failure Missionary". I came for friends and I got healing.

Gosh you guys, I could go on and on about all the things that MOPS has done for me. Provided friends, given me a place to serve and feel appreciated, and my orange table holding me up during Postpartum Depression.

I am in total agreement with Amanda, Riane, and Caryn when they shared that they didn't know before they joined MOPS why they needed it..but y'all know who knew! Our mighty savior Jesus! He knows what we need, He knows how to use us in each other's lives to be His hands and feet. I bet all the ladies whom I mentioned above do not remember these conversations they had with me, or never thought that what they said to me on those days had such an impact. But God knew I needed to hear those things.

I'm so thankful for each and everyone of you at MOPS! Thank you for coming and being real. Thank you for smiling at a Mama you don't know. Thank you for leaving your house when you feel a little depressed. Thank you for being brave enough to say I need help, I need prayer. Thank you for being Jesus in the flesh to one another.

Encourage one another and build each other up.
1 Thessalonians 5:11

-Summur

Raising Salt and Light

        Our last meeting was one of my favorites. Rhonda Stoppe spent the morning with us and came in to share on a talk titled "Mentor Me to be Free" and ended up sharing from her heart. Her words were words that I know I needed and I hope they touched you ladies as much as they did me. It took me many nights of prayer and starting over to get this blog written because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to share in a way that I felt would do our time with her justice. So, I am going to keep it real and do my best.

         Rhonda talked about keeping it real being more than being blunt. It is being vulnerable and allowing others to come alongside of us. I am going to be vulnerable with you ladies. I feel like I am not enough. My husband is working long hours daily and I have 4 little girls that all want an equal piece of mommy. We have what feels like 5 million things to do and a laundry mountain has eaten my couch. I know that some of you momma’s have it way worse and I hope that some of you can relate. Mom life can be so busy and sometimes overwhelming. I made it my intention this year to not end my day counting down to bedtime and I was failing miserably.

         Rhonda reminded me that my peace shouldn’t be coming from how the kids behaved or what my circumstances are. My peace is in Jesus and that He’s got me! I had to remember that there are little eyes that are watching and little people that I am helping to mold. Rhonda described mothers as the architects of the next generation. WOW! We are raising the salt and light of the earth ladies! How cool is that?!

        She also talked about raising kids that are not just good people but that are passionate Christ followers. I often worry that when I’m gone that my girls won’t get together or be there for each other. All the fighting right now makes me wonder if they like each other some days. Rhonda shared with us a story about her children. She was on a cruise with her husband and when they got back to port, and she turned her phone on, she had tons of text messages. Her daughter had a miscarriage and her children had come together to help her. She said that moment made her realize that they didn’t need her anymore. Ladies, I was in tears hearing that. That is my dream that my girls will offer prayer to each other and rush to be together when life gets rough. 

        We can be so tough on ourselves, especially when it feels like our struggles are too hard. We have to remember that we are warriors raising warriors. You were chosen for this position and for these babies. You are doing an amazing job! Thank you, Rhonda, for reminding this mom that I can handle this and I am exactly where I am meant to be!

-Ana

Going First

I don’t know about you gals, but I truly enjoyed this morning! Like a lot! The casual atmosphere in the room, the laughter, activities, and blessed flow of coffee! There are not many MOPs mornings where you get the chance to chat with ladies from all over the room (and walks of life), so this morning was refreshing! 

Racquel, our fearless leader, full of grace and humility, showed true courage by stepping on stage and sharing her heart and struggles with making friends. Thank you Mama for going first! 

Now, don’t take this the wrong way, but women can be mean. Then you throw being a fierce mama bear in the ring and the mud can fly! Women have always been bombarded with contradicting messages and agendas; how we should raise our kids, maintain our homes, what we should wear, how our body should look, to vaccinate or not to vaccinate, even down to how our life “in the bedroom” should look. It’s exhausting and discouraging and then we finally think we have it figured out and we think we have to find other moms with exactly the same way of life to make friendships. 

Makes you want to crawl into a closet somewhere.

But don’t be discouraged, BE BRAVE! GO FIRST! 

Be first, to look at your life and be okay with how you are doing, because Mama, you are KILLIN’ IT! Then turn to the mom next to you and give her a pat on the back, because guess what....She’s KILLIN’ it too! You both may be on completely opposite sides of the motherhood spectrum and could very easily be disagreeing on everything there is to argue about, but instead you can let it go and watch an awesome friendship flourish! 

I have this awesomely awkward ability to strike up a conversation usually with anyone who comes within 10 feet of me. Sitting at the DMV, I’ve had some hysterical conversations with persons of wild character and we pleasantly passed the time in bored comradery. That old lady in the grocery store watching my kid throw her shoe across the aisle always has the best advice. And yes, I see you super awkward teen boy with your headphones on in line at Taco Bell, we gunna talk and you ARE going to respond. Awkward meet awkward. Are my conversations always met well? Nope, but that’s okay because I was brave and went first! 

Now, striking up conversations with strangers throughout your day may not be your thing. And that’s okay! But, maybe there are things that you could share with those friends and acquaintances in your circle that maybe are difficult to share, but would beautifully deepen your relationships. When you step out in faith, knowing that yes, you could get burned, you are being courageous! You are taking a chance, and dear friend, the God who knows every hair on your head, knows your every fear, but also exactly what you need.  

There are a couple very precious women in my life, who if I hadn’t taken the chance on them and went first, our friendship wouldn’t have left that moment and I would be out a couple very dear friendships.  

Thinking about going first and being brave and making friends reminded me of a blog I wrote 4 years ago where I laid out a bunch of mom confessions in name of being authentic and “Going First,” and the list really hasn’t changed 🤦‍♀️

So I thought it beard repeating. 

“I've read a lot of blog posts, Facebook comments and heard many fellow moms talk recently about the desire, no, the DESPERATE NEED to connect and be real with other moms who are in the same boat as themselves. I strongly agree! It's hard enough keeping our tired unwashed heads above water without feeling like we should be walking on it to! That's Christ's job.

So, I thought I'd "keep it real" by posting some good old fashion mommy confessions...

1. I rarely, if ever give my children vitamins

2. Instead of gathering and drying everyone off, I've peed in a pool

3. My boys have had frozen chicken nuggets 3 meals in a row

4. There are days I don't brush my teeth...Coffee & gum works wonders

5. While potting training, instead of washing the poo filled undies, I throw them out

6. I have left Target on more than one occasion and have no idea how much I spent.

7. I have continued scrolling Facebook even as my boys are beating the tar out of each other.

8. I've never made my own baby food

9. Goldfish crackers and chocolate granola bars make great dinners

10. I've spanked out of anger

11. I didn't say anything as my child continually licked water off the park playground

12. I nap. A lot.

13. One vaginal birth was enough for me. I loved my C-section, and I haven't heard any complaints from either child.

14. I've be very prideful when I win the "my baby weighed this much" battle

15. I've probably forgotten your birthday

16. While running errands I think bribery in the form of candy or Hotwheels is totally acceptable

17. I've passed gas and blamed it on my son

18. We watch a lot of TV

19. While cuddling with my boys, everything else can wait (even the forgotten boiling pot of pasta)

20. I have played the Mommy Battle game, both winning and loosing and I am truly sorry

Here's to ending the battles and instead lending a helping hand, a fresh cup of strong coffee and a friendly compassionate and GENUINE smile to your fellow Mommy whose just trying to make sure her kids turn out "ok" too.”

SO, confessed I have.  Now it’s your turn to GO FIRST and step out in the name of friendship! Let a little bit of your wall down, share a bit of awkwardness and watch a friendship grow!

You won’t regret it! 

Love you, dear Mamas! 

-Mallory

Freedom in Recovery

When Heidi reminded me that morning that it was my turn to write the blog, I was super stoked! Then I realized the topic was recovery, not a light hearted topic to sit with, let alone write a blog about.   

It’s now a week later and I’m still sitting in front of my computer wondering what in the world to type out. I’ve prayed asking God to give me words, to show me which direction I should go in. So I decided to do a little word vomiting....I apologize in advance. 

You see, for the first time in my life, the recovery process has become a very personal and very real part in my life, in my husbands life, and in our marriage.  

In the beginning, It was my husband who needed recovery and to be part of a community who understood and could support him. Then we’d go to counseling together and hash out all the hard stuff, trying to get ahold of our life. Then God started pointing out areas in my own life that needed grace and some light shone into the darkened areas I had been avoiding in myself.  

God showed me that I couldn’t control my husband’s behaviors and I definitely couldn’t change him. That man of mine, I had to leave him in God’s hands. But He did expose some areas in my life that I could be allowing Him to work on and walk me through. 

The first step to recovery is that moment when you come face to face with your own struggles and hurts and weakness and knowing you can no longer keep up the facade that you are “okay”.  Not an easy thing to admit or sit with, especially if you are a mom. This world has created this idea that moms have to have it all together; do all the things, be all the things, and never stop being strong for your family, for your children. 

To sit in a moment and admit defeat, who has time for that?! Who has the mental energy to sit with someone you trust and ask for help? When the world demands so much from us, how can we completely reprioritize our lives to fix what we thought was perfectly hidden and contained?

Oh, dear Mama, we NEED to make that time. The time to sit in our struggles, time to look deep down into the heartbreak and pour our hearts out to Christ. Allowing the Creator of the heavens and earth to heal our hurts before they are passed down to our precious next generations. I want to do everything I can to encourage my children to be the best version of themselves and bloom where God has planted them! That means starting with myself, digging deep to understand my own perceptions and expectations both good and bad; slowing down and giving thought to my words and actions, and living my life for Christ! 

Then, we need to be courageous and step out and ask for help from those fellow women who want to come around you, encourage you, keep you accountable and be there with a hot cup of coffee and quiet companionship when you have no more tears or words left to share.  

I beg you mama, not to take your hurts, your secrets, your burdens lightly. This comes from a mama who recently had to come face to face with my own broken heart, fears and weaknesses. I came to the end of my strength and all that was left was Christ, and it was a beautifully difficult place to be. Facing my need for recovery, my need to let others into my hurt, was and still is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But, oh friend, it is so worth it.  

Thank you Suzi for being brave and transparent in sharing your story with us and opening the door to recovery. 

-Mallory