Freedom in Recovery

When Heidi reminded me that morning that it was my turn to write the blog, I was super stoked! Then I realized the topic was recovery, not a light hearted topic to sit with, let alone write a blog about.   

It’s now a week later and I’m still sitting in front of my computer wondering what in the world to type out. I’ve prayed asking God to give me words, to show me which direction I should go in. So I decided to do a little word vomiting....I apologize in advance. 

You see, for the first time in my life, the recovery process has become a very personal and very real part in my life, in my husbands life, and in our marriage.  

In the beginning, It was my husband who needed recovery and to be part of a community who understood and could support him. Then we’d go to counseling together and hash out all the hard stuff, trying to get ahold of our life. Then God started pointing out areas in my own life that needed grace and some light shone into the darkened areas I had been avoiding in myself.  

God showed me that I couldn’t control my husband’s behaviors and I definitely couldn’t change him. That man of mine, I had to leave him in God’s hands. But He did expose some areas in my life that I could be allowing Him to work on and walk me through. 

The first step to recovery is that moment when you come face to face with your own struggles and hurts and weakness and knowing you can no longer keep up the facade that you are “okay”.  Not an easy thing to admit or sit with, especially if you are a mom. This world has created this idea that moms have to have it all together; do all the things, be all the things, and never stop being strong for your family, for your children. 

To sit in a moment and admit defeat, who has time for that?! Who has the mental energy to sit with someone you trust and ask for help? When the world demands so much from us, how can we completely reprioritize our lives to fix what we thought was perfectly hidden and contained?

Oh, dear Mama, we NEED to make that time. The time to sit in our struggles, time to look deep down into the heartbreak and pour our hearts out to Christ. Allowing the Creator of the heavens and earth to heal our hurts before they are passed down to our precious next generations. I want to do everything I can to encourage my children to be the best version of themselves and bloom where God has planted them! That means starting with myself, digging deep to understand my own perceptions and expectations both good and bad; slowing down and giving thought to my words and actions, and living my life for Christ! 

Then, we need to be courageous and step out and ask for help from those fellow women who want to come around you, encourage you, keep you accountable and be there with a hot cup of coffee and quiet companionship when you have no more tears or words left to share.  

I beg you mama, not to take your hurts, your secrets, your burdens lightly. This comes from a mama who recently had to come face to face with my own broken heart, fears and weaknesses. I came to the end of my strength and all that was left was Christ, and it was a beautifully difficult place to be. Facing my need for recovery, my need to let others into my hurt, was and still is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But, oh friend, it is so worth it.  

Thank you Suzi for being brave and transparent in sharing your story with us and opening the door to recovery. 

-Mallory