It's pretty loud in
my house right now, so I have relaxing nature music on, on YouTube haha.
Annnyyyway, I'm really not sure where to start on this post. As I've been
thinking this week about what I might write, I haven't been able to get out of
my head that love has not been my loudest voice throughout my life. Irritation,
impatience, whining, selfishness… these are some of what my loudest voice has
been, and it hurts to be typing this. While it bothers me that I've lived like
that, it stirs in me the desire to keep seeking the Lord for help to keep
growing through it and past it. Oh, I'm so weak on my own.
In her testimony,
Love used the term "generational dysfunction" to describe unhealthy
repetitive patterns that are present in a family tree. I do not want to pass my
generational dysfunction on. I want it to stop with me, and I want a new (functioning)
pattern to start with my family.
Love is hard for me.
In my eyes, I'm hard to love, and it's hard for me to show love. Honestly, I
don't know why. But thankfully, I don't have to. What I do know, is Jesus loves
me and He is working on my heart and refining me day by day to be more like Him.
I struggle, but He meets me there and gives me the strength to try again. And
again. Him showing me love and grace is teaching me to show love and grace.
Something that has
been encouraging me is… when my little Abby was learning to walk, I would tell
her, "Stand up and walk, stand up and walk", and I remember God
teaching me through that, really the same thing; to "stand up and
walk". To trust Him and get out of my comfort zone and try things I've
wanted to try but never believed in myself enough to. That, if only I knew the
goodness that awaited me once I "started walking"; I would try. Being
her Mama, I knew Abby could do it and that once she did she woudn't stop. I
believe it's similar to having a relationship with God (with the exception that
I'm wee lil' me who doesn't know much, and He knows everything). He's the
Father, and He knows what goodness awaits for His children. I hope all that
makes sense!
Psalm 37:23-24 NIV
The Lord makes firm
the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not
fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.
Mark 10:27 NIV
Jesus looked at them
and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are
possible with God."
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
"For I know the
plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and
not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
-Heidi M.
No comments:
Post a Comment