Seek Wisdom in Finances

You know that feeling where you just want to burst out a happy dance even if there is no music to dance to? Yea that is the feeling I have right now as I send my very last payment to one of the biggest loans my husband and I had! Yes ladies we just payed off my husband’s student loan and it feels amazing!!

Let’s back up a bit to 4 years ago when my husband and I were about to celebrate our daughter’s 1st birthday. We were new parents and we had just moved into our own home and we had a lot of debt. From home mortgage, student loan, car payment, a few credit cards, and very little investment or savings. We were living paycheck to paycheck and felt like there was always a cord around our neck that we couldn’t move forward.

We heard about a Navigating your Finances class through Big Valley and we thought, “Well, we don’t really have anything to lose”. So, we signed up honestly to get some education about how to maybe get a better hold of our finances. We finished the course just like any other couple, very encouraged and motivated to get out of debt. We were in a good place to start with only one car payment that we were almost done paying so we thought “Hey, let’s start there!”. And then boom! My husband’s car kept breaking down to the point of it’s better to just sell it for parts, and I got into a car accident that completely totaled my car 2 months shy of paying it off!!  Talk about set back, we needed our cars for work commutes. No cars meant no work. No work meant not getting out of debt! I was very disappointed. We knew we didn’t have any money saved to even consider buying a new car, let alone two!

We got some money from my accident, but it was really just enough for a down payment for one car so there we were trying to get out of debt, yet we had just signed about 25k dollar debt for car loans. Where was my emergency fund when I needed it?! Where was my car fund when I needed it?!?!

I tell you this story to encourage and tell you that it is possible to have a hold of your finances even if it seems like you are in a deep hole and unable to get out. We will have setbacks, emergencies happen, the question is how prepared are you for those setbacks? Believe me, they will happen that is just life. I love how Tarah called it “budget meeting”. That meeting ladies is so important! Don’t miss that meeting and most importantly do not reschedule it! Today is the day to start. We must be open to talk about the place where we are right at this moment if we truly want to make a change and set an example for our children and teach them a valuable lesson on how to manage our finances in a God pleasing way.

Today my husband and I are still working towards gaining financial freedom! It won’t happen overnight but believe it or not we are closer than we were 4 years ago. We paid off one of the cars pretty quickly and the second car we will pay off God willing later this year. So, I leave you with this as I click send on my very last payment to an over 30k debt. The Bible’s consistent message in regards to money is to be wise. God wants you to seek wisdom when it comes to your finances. He wants you to pay off your debt, read Proverbs 22:7. He wants you to save money but not hoard it read (1 Timothy 6:6-11). Give to the Lord joyfully for God loves a cheerful giver (2nd Corinthians 9:6-7). Most importantly Believe that God is our ultimate provider and he will fulfill every need you have (Philippians 4:19). Jesus wants us to be free and that includes our finances as well. -Alis

Finding Friends

Happy VERY belated galentines ladies! Sorry I am late on the blog, life caught up with me and to be honest I had forgotten. Mom brain is real guys!

During our valentines meeting we celebrated GALentines and had the chance to mingle and relax. Two of my very favorite things. Having the chance to do this made me reflect on the friendships that MOPS has blessed me with. MOPS gave me the gift of 3 am friends.

Have you ever heard of a 3 am friend? I heard it at a MOPS meeting from a speaker once and I don’t remember who said it but I never imagined having one. A 3 am friend, is a friend that will be there for you no matter the time. We all need that person that we can call to celebrate with or cry with or sit and eat snacks while the kids tear up the house with. Husbands are awesome but when you’re in the trenches and he is busy with work or maybe you guys are not seeing eye to eye you need your 3 am friend. They can pray with you, cry with you, laugh with you, or if you are lucky like me they will feed you. I pray all the time that all of you moms that come here in search of friendship find your 3 am friend. I don’t know about you but I held myself back for so long from friendships out of fear of not being “good enough”.  I would have never had my friends if they had not talked to me first. I know it can be a bit uncomfortable to talk to someone new. I totally feel that finding friends is just like dating. It is sometimes awkward, and you can get nervous, and there is even an app you can download now where you can swipe through matches! I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone next meeting and be a friend to someone. Ask for their number or a playdate! If it feels weird come say hi to me, I’ll be the slightly awkward but smiling mom at the back table ready to give you a squeeze and chat. Let’s make the most of MOPS and let there be no mom alone. Love all of you GALS and shout out to my 3 am friends! Thank you for being a gift to my life and shoulder to cry on when I need it!

Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ - Galatians 6:2

A friend loves at all times - Proverbs 17:17

-Ana

Don't Stoppe Believing!

The Amazing Rhonda Stoppe spoke this morning and she, like always, blew my socks off. I have been wondering what to be when I grow up as I hit 40 and now I know I want to be Rhonda when I grow up. I want to be that fired up, to have that spark she has. She is such a beautiful soul and the Lord has always spoken to me through her.

She dove into Moses' and Davids’ Mothers this morning. I never usually think about their moms. It's funny, we tend to look at the stars of these stories and not at the influential people in their lives. Their Mamas had huge impacts on making them into the godly heroes of the Bible we look up to. Our roles as Mamas are huge. Rhonda spoke about the number one thing that makes Christian kids walk away from God is having hypocritical parents; and if you tell a kid of 2 crack heads about a God who loves them they are more open to the truth. This is so true!! My husband comes from a home of Christians whose family looked great at church, but at home it was a whole other ball game. Matt walked away from the Lord as a young adult. Thankfully God pulled him back into the fold. I grew up in a non believing home and as soon as I learned about Jesus I instantly knew He was real.

Rhonda's talk was good and encouraging and I was really enjoying it until it hit a little too close to home. I have major Mommy issues. My mom has had addiction issues that led to abuse in our home. I have never felt nurtured by my mother, let alone liked or even loved. So when Rhonda spoke about "if you have Mama issues you will push other women out because you can't trust them" huge alarm bells went off for me. I have always had a lot of friends but when the chance to go deep and really trust another woman comes in, I run. I find something to nitpick about their behavior and make an excuse for why they can't be in my life anymore. Right now I am asking God to forgive me for resentment, bitterness and an unforgiving heart. I am asking Him to help me to love and trust other women. I know it won't be an overnight healing but I trust that He will help me to heal.

Wow I had no idea this morning was going to go this way and I am so thankful that it did. He is so good to have Rhonda share one sentence that I know was specifically for me.

Mamas, let's do what Rhonda said and fight for Joy in our homes. Let us let love and joy fill our homes. For me that means working on my hang ups so anger and resentment will no longer take a hold of my heart. What does that look like for you and your home? Let's think of one thing we can do today to show our kids a joy filled home that has a Mommy who, yes makes mistakes, but who loves Jesus! I love you Mamas and I am praying right now for you, that when you read this you will be encouraged to trust Him and may the Joy of the Lord be your strength.

Summur

Surrender Daringly

Have you heard of enneagrams? For those of you who aren’t familiar, enneagrams are a system of classifying personality types where each of the numbers 1-9 represent a personality type and its psychological motivations. Participants strive to use the enneagram to become more aware of their own psychological fixations, spiritual problems, patterns of behavior, and as a way of relating to other people. I had heard about them before but just recently dove into finding out what my number was. Long story short, I’m an 8 which is often referred to as “The Challenger”. A major part of an 8’s personality is the strong desire to control their environment; especially people. Certainly it’s not my favorite part of my personality, but, oh boy, is it a very LARGE part of who I am.

I have struggled my entire life with seeking to gain control. I have had a life where things have been very unpredictable. I’ve experienced a lot of loss and sadness related to things so far out of my control while enduring a lot of physical, emotional, and spiritual pain. There’s this part of me that thinks, “If I can just control this aspect, things will be better.” Abusive father, parents’ divorce, single mother raising me, brother battling cancer, tumultuous family relationships, friendships abruptly ending, abusive relationships with boyfriends, miscarriages, battles with mental illness, brother dying, autoimmune disease, children with health issues... all these things I have ZERO control over. But, that doesn’t mean that at most times I didn’t fight tooth and nail to gain control in nearly all these situations.

I grew up in a Christian household, accepted Christ at a very young age, went to church, went to Christian schools, was involved in church activities and missions. I grew up knowing God was in control, but I always had trouble giving up my control to Him. I had no problem giving Him my prayer requests and my praises, but I couldn’t give up control. WHY?! Do I know better or do I think I can do better than God, just because I think my circumstances “should” be different or that “I don’t deserve this”? I used to question why these things kept happening. Hadn't I been through enough?! I had this expectation that I deserved a break from the hardships. After my brother’s death, I began to accept that God was using these moments to teach me, shape me, grow me, or use me for his greater good. Well, at least I thought I did. I know that in my heart of hearts because the Holy Spirit is screaming it to me, but I still struggle daily with seeking to control.

Surrendering to God is the ultimate act of faith and the most daring and brave thing you can do in your walk with Him. Think of the freedom of not feeling the burden or pressure to control every situation. To let yourself off the hook from thinking everything is up to you. God asks us to cast our cares and burdens upon him. What are we missing out on by distracting ourselves with what we think we can/should be able to control? Where could that energy be better spent? What message are we missing when our focus is on unhelpful expectations and the need to control?

Being a mother is the hardest job. You wear many hats as a mother. You love so fiercely. You experience 257 emotions every day. The second you become a mother, you are transformed. It is no longer about you. Everything you do is for your child. Their needs surpass your own. You would do anything for your child. You are exhausted. You struggle with the dreaded mom guilt, feeling like you are constantly falling short. You are being tested each and every day by these little blessings that make you want to cry and pull your hair out while simultaneously making your heart melt. But God chose YOU to be the mother to your child. Motherhood is the perfect lesson in control. That is, you have very little control over your child. You can do all the right things, but your little human is a being with free will. You can provide the perfect sleeping environment, but it’s up to your child to sleep. You can provide all the right foods, but it’s up to your child to eat. You can teach them and train them in ways that they should go, but it’s up to them to make the right choices. You are not in control of your child’s life. That statement can be terrifying. Your child is your heart walking around outside of your body and it can be tremendously difficult to see them experience pain or difficulties or struggles. I say all this, not to discourage or be a bummer. I say all of this because I feel motherhood is the ultimate lesson and tool that God uses to refine us. We need not worry or fear because He is in control.

Motherhood has brought me to my knees more times than in my entire life before having children. I have given my concerns, my worries, my anxiety, my fears, my struggles, my transgressions, my pleas, my desires... I have laid them all before him. But why do I still struggle with feeling like I still need to control everything? Maybe it’s just part of my personality- that strong willed, controlling 8. I still hold onto a piece of those things I lay before Him. I struggle with full surrender. But God continues to work in my life. He continues to use the daily struggles of life and motherhood to refine me. He brought me MOPS. He brought me to the blog team. He brought me this message. He is using the Holy Spirit to scream at me that I need to not just give him my worries and strife, but truly and fully surrender them to Him. I need to let them go... *cue Frozen sing along!* When I truly surrender, He brings me encouragement and restores my soul. There are so many challenges in motherhood, I don’t want my worries and constant need to control to add to the difficulties. I don’t need my load to be any greater. I need that weight lifted off my shoulders and to let things go when I give them to God. I need to be bold, be daring, and daringly surrender. I want to be still knowing that my God is bigger than any problem or worry I have. He is always in control. I need only be still and listen and trust that when I surrender to him, He has me exactly where he wants me to be and will guide me through this thing we call life.

-Heather G.

RESPECT

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Well my Christmas Décor is packed away; the New Year is among us. It seems most people are saying goodbye to the “bad” of 2018 and embracing the hope for 2019. As I take a moment today to reflect on the last 365 days, I can not help and feel contentment.

Personally, I know how devastating this year has been for some of my closest friends. Some have lost loved ones after a long battle with health issues, others have separated from long relationships/marriages, another handful lost the heartbeat of the child they have not yet met but loved so dearly, additional individuals lost jobs, homes, along with hopes and dreams that they had anticipated for 2018.

I know how hard some years can be, some years where you hope desperately, they leave behind all the darkness that year held. I remember having, what seemed to be year after year of devastation. I recall frantically having an DNC the last week of 2012 after learning I had lost my child earlier that month. 2012 had already brought Mom’s cancer and losing a child, was just the icing 2012 needed, so I made sure all the “bad” would stay that year. 2014 Mom died on December 23rd and I was not going to let 2015 have her burial, so we begged and pleaded for us to bury her before the year ended… I know hard years and wanting to leave them behind, so with that I will give myself permission to continue this post.

2018 has brought contentment. Everything was not perfect and rosy, but it was not devastating either. I think for the first time in my life, I have given myself permission to look at the good the year brought, instead of focusing on the bad I was leaving behind.

Our speaker on our last meeting had so many great moments on stage and even though it seemed to be two different areas she spoke about, for me it all undertone one word, RESPECT.

RESPECT- A FEELING OF DEEP ADMIRATION FOR SOMEONE OR SOMETHING ELICITED BY THEIR ABILITIES, QUALITIES, OR ACHIEVEMENTS.

Respect for others is extremely important and not to be taken lightly. I think when we think of this word, we usually associate it with how we respond to someone else. Wendee focused on the word internally; to RESPECT oneself. To allow one permission to put one first and give your being the respect it deserved. All over the Bible, self-respect is talked about.

“I am fearfully and wonderfully made”- would I not respect something that is made wonderfully by God?

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” – would I not respect something God created in HIS own image? 

Why don’t we give ourselves the respect we deserve? Why do we sacrifice and to the point DISRESPECT ourselves, to make someone else happy?

Wendee referenced a line from the book titled 7 Things Every Healthy relationship Needs, “Respect Yourself. Respect is crucial to relational health. And again, you can’t respect anyone else if you don’t first respect yourself.” 

To respect oneself, is not conceded or unloving to another, it is a healthy way to learn to be a better individual. It will teach you how to love others better if you love and respect yourself. If you put you and your family first. She mentions how she leaves for Christmas to allow herself the time she needs to focus on the holiday and respect her external family needs to build their own traditions and not feel the pressure and fear the holidays can bring. This is one of the ways she has helped herself and her family. This may not be for everyone and I know her well enough to know she is not saying to everyone to ditch their extended family on the Holidays. I do believe what she was saying is give yourself the permission to respect your needs and wants during this season and in life in general.

So, I am RESPECTING myself enough to look at 2018 and focus on the good. I am not going to look at what failed, for it is so easy for me to pick on myself and what I could have done better. I am respecting myself enough to say, “Yessie, it was a good year.”

So, what happened to me in 2018, well I grew as a woman. I learned to love harder and seek friendships. We paid off a lot of debt by budgeting and working super hard. I made the decision to close some doors with unhealthy relationships in order for the “possibility” of them to be opened again in a healthier and much deeper way, or for them to remain closed as they might have been toxic. I started to blog and write more, to allow all my thoughts to be put into words and actions. Finally, I allowed 2018 not to dictate me but for me to dictate it!

I recently heard a quote from Gisele Bundchen. “The mind is an instrument, don’t let it play you, you play the instrument!”

What a great reminder of how much we can control our mind and perspective.

So Happy New Year, embrace whatever 2018 had written for you and prepare yourself for 2019.

Let’s start off with embracing this definition of RESPECT.

RESPECT- A FEELING OF DEEP ADMIRATION FOR YOURSELF ELICITED BY YOUR ABILITIES, QUALITIES, OR ACHIEVEMENTS. 

Much Love and Respect,

Yessie J. 

A Precious Gift

Erin from the Modesto Pregnancy Center joined us at our last meeting. The pregnancy center provides pregnancy testing, classes, and they even have a boutique that moms can shop in with baby bucks earned by attending classes. Besides these things, and in my opinion one of the greatest gifts they give, is the knowledge that they are loved by God and so are the babies that they are growing.

It is a place that is near to my heart because 10 years ago I walked into a pregnancy center scared and nervous. The kind people at the pregnancy center helped me confirm that I was  pregnant and asked if they could pray for me and my baby. I walked out of that office afraid of what was to come but comforted by that prayer. As my pregnancy progressed I would receive calls from the pregnancy center workers to check on me and pray for me. It was touching and something I will never forget.

I ended up having a beautiful baby girl, Leilani Jae. That tiny baby that rocked my world and made me a mommy turns 10 tomorrow. It is the most bittersweet feeling in the world. I am so proud of her and I love seeing who she is becoming, but I wish I could make the single digit years start over. She is mature, funny, and so smart. She loves to be on stage and is the sweetest big sister ever. I am in awe EVERY SINGLE DAY by this gift that the Lord gave me. I am so grateful to be her mom and I sit here crying happy tears as I remember the nerves I felt and how I had no idea how I was going to do this. I am forever grateful for the women that told me I would be alright and prayed over us. That support meant the world to me and I love how the Pregnancy Center gives hope to moms that need it. -Ana

Made with Love

Alrighty let’s see. Our last meeting was the Market and Mingle. How fun was that!? It was so cool to see Mamas talking with other Mamas and to see different gifts and talents people have.

So I thought I would share something that I thought about after I made something a few months ago.

I made a sign that says “made with love” on it to put in my kitchen. After I hung it up, I was thinking about how I made that sign with love and I loved what I had made. The sign is to say that the food I make is made with love, but that’s not what this is about. It just made me think about how we were all made by God and He made us with love and He loves what He made. We are His masterpieces. He chose our smiles, our eyes, our hair-color, our voices, the gifts we have, and everything else about who we are.

It just amazes me that the God who created the universe, gravity, snow, fire, day, night, and everything else, created me. And He created you. 

It makes me think about my babies and how I don’t have the ability to choose anything about them. God made them one of a kind and from day one they’ve surprised me as they grow and I learn more about them; and they’ll continue too. Shiminy, I surprise myself sometimes too, haha.

And that brings me to me. It’s amazing to me that I have this body I live in but sometimes I have no idea what’s going on with it. I was born with it and yet I still have to learn more about it and get to know it better, though I won’t ever know it fully.

I’m so thankful that God knows me fully and I can rest knowing He’s got my life in His hands.

All that to say... you were made by God Himself and you are loved and valued.

So I took a little detour to try writing a poem and this is what resulted:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We are all makers

Makers of something

It may seem great

It may seem like nothing

God has gifted us in different ways

To be a hand or a toe

Makes no difference you know

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Psalm 139:14 - I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

1 Corinthians 12:14 - Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

1 Corinthians 12:25 - .. , so that there should be no division in the body, but that it's parts should have equal concern for each other.

Psalm 25:1 - In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.

-Heidi M.