To Be or Not to Be, That is the Question

Anxious.  I am anxious.  I know the expectations for my first blog and know I am capable of writing from the heart, but being vulnerable is not an easy task.  This morning at Mops I was reminded many times in various ways to be authentic and get real.  I thought I could get away with just writing a poem on what I learned about friendship (which I did below) and call it a day, but inside I knew I needed to open up and connect.

Sitting down and listening to Jen Hatmaker describe her experience with meaningful friendships, especially during the early childhood stage, was familar.  As a young mom, she was lonely and knew she needed friends.  She entered new friendships insecure and wanted to be well-received.   At first, she was inauthentic and more focused on impressing her friends instead of connecting with them.  But found out by opening up and being vulnerable, the frienships became more meaningful to both parties.  Her testimony showed me that being real is necessary if you want meaningful friendships and I do.

Reflecting on my friendships, I realize I am a different stage in each one.  Being a mom of younger children, I have been working diligently on making new friends.  Making friends has never been difficult for me, but sustaining them is.  Now, I am starting to see why.  Jen Hatmaker made it clear that sharing the worst moments can make friendships stronger.  I am self-deprecating by nature and have to work daily to stay positive.  I enjoy laughing at myself and will tell a friend exactly why I am a mess.  Although I dislike this trait, it may be a part of why my friendships are meaningful.  I am not afraid to be real about me or my life even at the first interaction.

The part that is a challenge for me is getting through the confrontations.  I agree with what Jen Hatmaker says about friendship and ultimately facing bumps in the road.  We will have tension in our relationships, but how we handle it can lift friendships to the next level.  According to Jen Hatmaker, by speaking up and letting your friend know you are wounded, you are letting her know you care about the relationship and are not willing to let the problem disintegrate the relationship.  

Confrontation is out of my comfort zone and I would do anything to avoid it.  Learning today that confrontation is necessary is a game changer in my life.  I dislike the idea of having to tell a friend what offended me, but if it is going to make the relationship more authentic and real, then it needs to happen.  I've decided taking the cowardly way out and being passive aggressive or defensive is no longer allowed in my life.  I have been taught a lesson today and I intend on growing and making more of my relationships meaningful friendships.

Meaningful Friendships according to Jen Hatmaker:

M. Mops brings us together, but the next step in making meaningful friendships is up to us.
E.  Every mom could use meaningful and consistent friendships especially during the early childhood years.
A.  Alone is how motherhood sometimes feels, but friends can help immensely.
N.  New moms may feel the need to be inauthentic.
I.  Instead of impressing our friends we should connect.
N.  No, it is not always easy and hitting a bump in the road is normal.
G.  Get real with your friends.
F.  Friendships that share the worst moments become stronger.
U.  Useful to take the risk and share what is going on in your heart and mind.
L.  Learn to be transparent and sincere around friends.

F.  Fork in the road in friendships are bound to happen
R.  Rough patches and tension are a part of all friendships.
I.  Insist on talking about hard times with your friend,
E.  Even if it means having to confront the problem.
N.  Necessary to speak up and be genuine.
D.  Defensive is not ideal in a confrontation; instead listen, show you care and learn what can be done to fix the problem.
S.  Saying what hurt you in a relationship will make it more meaningful.
H.  Healthy relationships will set an example for the kids. 
I.  Important that kids see meaningful friendships in your life.
P.  Put yourself out there and let your friend love and know you.

-Amanda

What's Blog Got to Do, Got to Do with it?

Hi Y'all, I'm Summur the resident blog lady. This morning's MOPS meeting was so fun and exhilarating. It was awesome to see so many new faces. If we haven't met yet come find me and say hello, I love love love meeting new people!

I thought I'd take advantage of the first blog post to introduce you to the blog and our new blog team.

The blog team is made up of four regular Mama's who all have different backgrounds and perspectives; Amanda, Ginny, Mallory, and me. The goal of the blog is for the writer to just share from their heart. Sharing what God showed them that morning, or is teaching them currently. It's not to say 'this is what you should get out of this meeting' at all. My hope is that it will be an encouragement to you. 

The blog is all about reflecting on the last MOPS meeting with a post coming up within a few days after each meeting. We also have tabs on top of the blog.

Home...for the posts.

Leadership.....bios and pictures of those who serve you.

Meeting Dates & Registration...MOPS dates and dues info.

Breakfast...some video recipes, and quick ideas.

Contact Us...where to send your friends who want to join.

Well that's that about the blog. I'm ready for a nap now, ready to see some stars, Ha! I'll leave you with my favorite verses.

"The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face to shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face towards you and give you peace." Numbers 6: 24-26

-Summur

We Are The Starry Eyed

Who's ready for MOPS to start back up? I know I am.
If you are new to MOPS - Welcome! I can't wait to meet you!
I have a lot of hopes and dreams for this year. Last year was a bit rough for me personally, so I am totally ready to dive into a new year full of new possibilities!
At first I was not quite "getting" this years' theme, but now I am completely on board!
Starry Eyed means we choose... Hope, Wonder & Kindness!! Doesn't that sound so refreshing?
Here is a great video explaining 'We Are The Starry Eyed'.....

Flourishing Forward: Moving On

Thank you.

Thank you for letting me write my heart to you, and for accepting me as I am.

My time has come to an end as the blog leader, and I won't be staying with MOPS next year, as most of my kids are off to school and crushes and homework and body changes....

And that's all pretty awesome. Please God, let it be awesome. This new stage of parenting, I have to admit, is daunting.

I was all set and prepped to take on the blog next year, but one night, making dinner and dealing with 3rd grade girl drama, I realized I need to move on.

It's not my kids, it's me. I've tried to keep dealing with my kids as though they are still 3-year-olds, and because of that, discipline has been a struggle. Connecting with them has been a struggle. Discovering who they are again -- a struggle. And I've been stubborn.

I don't want things to change. I was just getting good at this parenting thing, and now it's changing, and I've resisted.

This is hard, you guys. Being a mom is hard.

Keep going. Don't give up. What you do, right now, when they are babies, this counts. Stay strong. Be brave. Keep flourishing and dancing to music in the kitchen, and setting up play dates, and enjoying their intense love for you.

Hopefully I will discover the equally amazing parts of this next stage.

I am handing the baton of "Blog Leader" to Summur Braley, and I know she will shine and love on you and share her heart and take this blog to a new and wonderful place.

Until then, keep flourishing in motherhood!

Blessings,

<3 char="" p="">
Char

Flourishing Together: Acceptance and the Last Meeting of the Year

At our last Mops meeting I sat and recorded my two oldest girls singing, or lip sinking their hearts out, to Every Move by David Crowder and I had an overwhelming feeling of joy. 

I just felt so thankful to be with you guys, all of you guys. Yes you, even you the ones I don't know from Adam. I may not know your name but I smile at you and you smile back. I strike up a conversation with you in the breakfast line and you laugh at my 12 year old humor. I admit to you I have no clue what I am doing at this motherhood thing and you say 'Amen'. We get each other, we accept each other we are there for each other. I love that. I love you guys and am so incredibly blessed by all of you and your personalities, strengths, even your weaknesses. Because they make us who we are. They show us that God fills in those gaps. He gave us each other to encourage one another and build each other up. We did a pretty great job of that this year Sisters. 

We did flourish fiercely! We let our light shine on one another and decided to be a place of acceptance instead of exclusion. So thank you for that, thank you for being my peeps, and thank you for letting me sit next to you.

~ Summur

Flourishing Together: Finding Community in Motherhood

First of all, thank you to everyone who came up to me after IWFM and told me I should do stand-up comedy. It was completely unexpected, but sparked a hope in me that maybe I really am as funny as I think I am. Bless you. You spoke your truth and probably planted seeds that will blossom into something my husband will have to deal with at a later time. I'll need all of your phone numbers so he can call to thank you personally.

But on to the meeting today. 

I'm so proud to have been a part of this MOPS group for so long. The women who were brave enough to stand in front of you all prove once again that this group is full of strong, gifted, loving women who long for support and friendship and grace, and they found it here. That's a big deal. 

Amanda mesmerized us with her story of how she came from a teaching career, to the land of the SAHM; from how she grew as a mother and a friend, and continued to grow as a new believer in Christ. Hers is a very familiar story, I'm sure, to many other women in our group. As young moms, we are often faced with choices -- choices that seem like they will forever change the course of our lives. And at the root of those choices, is always our babies. Like Amanda, we make space for them, and often alter our course from what we always thought we wanted, to what we need to do. However that may look.

Amanda is MOPS. I can't help but say that. She embodies so much of what we are here. And her poem at the end. You guys. Well, you can find that posted on Facebook. It's for all of you, because the way she "moms" has changed dramatically because of this group of women.

   Amanda H.

Our next lovely speaker was Mallory, who isn't new to MOPS, but actually grew up as a Moppet, and then stayed in slavery as a MOPS junior worker, and then eventually left MOPS forever. Or so she thought.  

She denied her need for the women in this group for a very long time, in spite of her mother's nagging encouragement. She knew about MOPS. She had her fill of it. But life very often changes our plans, and we are guided to do things differently. Our needs change. And Mallory found herself right back where it all began.

But this time she stayed, not because her mom dragged her along, but because it was where she wanted and needed to be. Mallory is also MOPS. And M&M wouldn't be the same without her. It would just be "M." And that would be sad.

   Mallory H.

Our third speaker was the courageous Sophia, who gave us the gift of her story. She began in a place of solitude, distrust, and abuse; but when her mothering journey led her to MOPS at Big Valley Grace, what she found here was more than just hot breakfast and a chair to sit in. This was the place where she was able to share her struggles, and feel heard. She began to heal, by the grace of God, and because of authentic friendships with the women here, she has grown to be one of the most open, honest, and supportive women I know. 

    Sophia S.

I'm so thankful for this group, for these women; I'm so grateful for this experience of motherhood that breaks us into tiny pieces and strews us about in the most unfamiliar of places, and causes us to search for help, for hands, for eyes -- so together we can find our pieces and help eachother get back to being who we are at our core:

Strong, fun, creative, intelligent women who became moms.

Flourishing Friendships: Loving Through Brokenness

Before MOPs, if you asked me what my “home team” looked like, I’d tell you that I have never, and would never, have one. I’d tell you that friendships with other females were pointless – catty, painful, competitive, but never necessary or even worthwhile. I grew up not knowing Christ, believing that I would forever be worthless, and never seeing a single healthy relationship.

Fast forward two years, I can’t imagine my life without the women I’ve opened up to and learned to love. MOPs has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. If you were around for sharing my short MOPs testimony last year, you heard a bit of how important it was for me to be surrounded by God-fearing women through a tough part of my life. I’ve learned this year that the ‘tough’ part may be a season, but it never completely goes away. The enemy is relentless in his attempts to isolate us as moms and women.

I’m a people pleaser at heart. I absolutely want everyone to like me and it makes me sad and self-conscious if I feel excluded or insignificant. Because of this, I tread lightly. I’ll be honest if you ask me a straightforward question, but I live in fear that if I try to have a hard conversation with a friend and they disagree with me, we’ll be done with that friendship. Shauna Niequist talked about how friendships grow – tell the truth, share when your feelings get hurt, and show up when things get messy. There are women whose God given talent is to make and keep lifelong friends. I am not one of those women. I am scared of what it takes for a friendship to grow. I can tell the truth, but I’ve never been secure enough to be honest about my hurt feelings. I can show up for others when their life gets messy, but I’m scared to have expectations (or ask) for anyone to be there for me. I have lived life so isolated for so long that I’m terrified of shattering any fragile acquaintanceship I’ve built. 

I can’t tell everyone how to be the best friend to every single person – that takes personal time and effort. You have to make an intentional effort to know and love someone. Shauna says friendship is evidence of God’s love. Think about how you treat your friends versus how God has loved you. Do you speak life-giving and soul shaping words to them? Do you show everyone you say you "pray" for, God’s generous and unconditional love? Or do you (consciously or otherwise) compete with them? Do you make your friends feel insecure? Do you actually know what kind of struggles they face on a daily basis? If you were to have a hard conversation, are you scared that they’ll leave or are you sure that they’ll be there and your bond will grow? What about God? How has He loved you? How does He make you feel?

Even in all our brokenness, we can still love. Jesus was tattered and torn, beaten and bruised. Jesus was pushed so far to His limits – to His death – yet He still loved us. 

There are so many pressures and expectations on us as moms and as women. You don’t have to be perfect, God never called us to be perfect. Shauna said “When something goes wrong in a friendship, it’s normal, we’re human” and I think that’s a statement that can be applied in every aspect of our lives. I’ve never needed perfect friends; just friends that love a perfect Savior and encourage me to find my worth in Him.