Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Flourishing Forward: Moving On



Thank you.

Thank you for letting me write my heart to you, and for accepting me as I am.

My time has come to an end as the blog leader, and I won't be staying with MOPS next year, as most of my kids are off to school and crushes and homework and body changes....

And that's all pretty awesome. Please God, let it be awesome. This new stage of parenting, I have to admit, is daunting.

I was all set and prepped to take on the blog next year, but one night, making dinner and dealing with 3rd grade girl drama, I realized I need to move on.

It's not my kids, it's me. I've tried to keep dealing with my kids as though they are still 3-year-olds, and because of that, discipline has been a struggle. Connecting with them has been a struggle. Discovering who they are again -- a struggle. And I've been stubborn.

I don't want things to change. I was just getting good at this parenting thing, and now it's changing, and I've resisted.

This is hard, you guys. Being a mom is hard.

Keep going. Don't give up. What you do, right now, when they are babies, this counts. Stay strong. Be brave. Keep flourishing and dancing to music in the kitchen, and setting up play dates, and enjoying their intense love for you.

Hopefully I will discover the equally amazing parts of this next stage.

I am handing the baton of "Blog Leader" to Summur Braley, and I know she will shine and love on you and share her heart and take this blog to a new and wonderful place.

Until then, keep flourishing in motherhood!

Blessings,

<3 char="" p="">
Char

Flourishing Together: Acceptance and the Last Meeting of the Year

At our last Mops meeting I sat and recorded my two oldest girls singing, or lip sinking their hearts out, to Every Move by David Crowder and I had an overwhelming feeling of joy. 

I just felt so thankful to be with you guys, all of you guys. Yes you, even you the ones I don't know from Adam. I may not know your name but I smile at you and you smile back. I strike up a conversation with you in the breakfast line and you laugh at my 12 year old humor. I admit to you I have no clue what I am doing at this motherhood thing and you say 'Amen'. We get each other, we accept each other we are there for each other. I love that. I love you guys and am so incredibly blessed by all of you and your personalities, strengths, even your weaknesses. Because they make us who we are. They show us that God fills in those gaps. He gave us each other to encourage one another and build each other up. We did a pretty great job of that this year Sisters. 

We did flourish fiercely! We let our light shine on one another and decided to be a place of acceptance instead of exclusion. So thank you for that, thank you for being my peeps, and thank you for letting me sit next to you.

~ Summur


Thursday, April 28, 2016

Flourishing Together: Finding Community in Motherhood

First of all, thank you to everyone who came up to me after IWFM and told me I should do stand-up comedy. It was completely unexpected, but sparked a hope in me that maybe I really am as funny as I think I am. Bless you. You spoke your truth and probably planted seeds that will blossom into something my husband will have to deal with at a later time. I'll need all of your phone numbers so he can call to thank you personally.

But on to the meeting today. 

I'm so proud to have been a part of this MOPS group for so long. The women who were brave enough to stand in front of you all prove once again that this group is full of strong, gifted, loving women who long for support and friendship and grace, and they found it here. That's a big deal. 

Amanda mesmerized us with her story of how she came from a teaching career, to the land of the SAHM; from how she grew as a mother and a friend, and continued to grow as a new believer in Christ. Hers is a very familiar story, I'm sure, to many other women in our group. As young moms, we are often faced with choices -- choices that seem like they will forever change the course of our lives. And at the root of those choices, is always our babies. Like Amanda, we make space for them, and often alter our course from what we always thought we wanted, to what we need to do. However that may look.

Amanda is MOPS. I can't help but say that. She embodies so much of what we are here. And her poem at the end. You guys. Well, you can find that posted on Facebook. It's for all of you, because the way she "moms" has changed dramatically because of this group of women.

   Amanda H.


Our next lovely speaker was Mallory, who isn't new to MOPS, but actually grew up as a Moppet, and then stayed in slavery as a MOPS junior worker, and then eventually left MOPS forever. Or so she thought.  

She denied her need for the women in this group for a very long time, in spite of her mother's nagging encouragement. She knew about MOPS. She had her fill of it. But life very often changes our plans, and we are guided to do things differently. Our needs change. And Mallory found herself right back where it all began.

But this time she stayed, not because her mom dragged her along, but because it was where she wanted and needed to be. Mallory is also MOPS. And M&M wouldn't be the same without her. It would just be "M." And that would be sad.

   Mallory H.

Our third speaker was the courageous Sophia, who gave us the gift of her story. She began in a place of solitude, distrust, and abuse; but when her mothering journey led her to MOPS at Big Valley Grace, what she found here was more than just hot breakfast and a chair to sit in. This was the place where she was able to share her struggles, and feel heard. She began to heal, by the grace of God, and because of authentic friendships with the women here, she has grown to be one of the most open, honest, and supportive women I know. 

    Sophia S.

I'm so thankful for this group, for these women; I'm so grateful for this experience of motherhood that breaks us into tiny pieces and strews us about in the most unfamiliar of places, and causes us to search for help, for hands, for eyes -- so together we can find our pieces and help eachother get back to being who we are at our core:

Strong, fun, creative, intelligent women who became moms.







Friday, March 25, 2016

Flourishing Friendships: Loving Through Brokenness

Before MOPs, if you asked me what my “home team” looked like, I’d tell you that I have never, and would never, have one. I’d tell you that friendships with other females were pointless – catty, painful, competitive, but never necessary or even worthwhile. I grew up not knowing Christ, believing that I would forever be worthless, and never seeing a single healthy relationship.

Fast forward two years, I can’t imagine my life without the women I’ve opened up to and learned to love. MOPs has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. If you were around for sharing my short MOPs testimony last year, you heard a bit of how important it was for me to be surrounded by God-fearing women through a tough part of my life. I’ve learned this year that the ‘tough’ part may be a season, but it never completely goes away. The enemy is relentless in his attempts to isolate us as moms and women.

I’m a people pleaser at heart. I absolutely want everyone to like me and it makes me sad and self-conscious if I feel excluded or insignificant. Because of this, I tread lightly. I’ll be honest if you ask me a straightforward question, but I live in fear that if I try to have a hard conversation with a friend and they disagree with me, we’ll be done with that friendship. Shauna Niequist talked about how friendships grow – tell the truth, share when your feelings get hurt, and show up when things get messy. There are women whose God given talent is to make and keep lifelong friends. I am not one of those women. I am scared of what it takes for a friendship to grow. I can tell the truth, but I’ve never been secure enough to be honest about my hurt feelings. I can show up for others when their life gets messy, but I’m scared to have expectations (or ask) for anyone to be there for me. I have lived life so isolated for so long that I’m terrified of shattering any fragile acquaintanceship I’ve built. 

I can’t tell everyone how to be the best friend to every single person – that takes personal time and effort. You have to make an intentional effort to know and love someone. Shauna says friendship is evidence of God’s love. Think about how you treat your friends versus how God has loved you. Do you speak life-giving and soul shaping words to them? Do you show everyone you say you "pray" for, God’s generous and unconditional love? Or do you (consciously or otherwise) compete with them? Do you make your friends feel insecure? Do you actually know what kind of struggles they face on a daily basis? If you were to have a hard conversation, are you scared that they’ll leave or are you sure that they’ll be there and your bond will grow? What about God? How has He loved you? How does He make you feel?

Even in all our brokenness, we can still love. Jesus was tattered and torn, beaten and bruised. Jesus was pushed so far to His limits – to His death – yet He still loved us. 


There are so many pressures and expectations on us as moms and as women. You don’t have to be perfect, God never called us to be perfect. Shauna said “When something goes wrong in a friendship, it’s normal, we’re human” and I think that’s a statement that can be applied in every aspect of our lives. I’ve never needed perfect friends; just friends that love a perfect Savior and encourage me to find my worth in Him

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Being Prepared for More than a Blow Out


One vital thing that I learned being a mother, was to be prepared. Always. For anything. My diaper bags were always packed for every occasion or mishap. First aid, extra clothes, diversion toys and extra flip flops were always on hand. Sure there were days where I forgot something, but worst case scenario, we could easily live for a week on the Gold Fish crackers under the seats of my car. But that’s just it, I’ve always been ready for the small case scenarios. A child just peed all over himself and you? No worries, I have extra clothes. That crack that jumped out and scraped your knee? I’ve got a bandaid. Oh, sure we can go inside that super nice restaurant for lunch with our 3 small tired children because I have iPads educational toys and snacks!



But when it comes to the large scary worst case scenarios, I’ve always had the mindset of “Yes, fire safety and all that is important. We’ll get to it one day and plus it’ll never happen to us.” But then all it takes is that one time and you're suddenly a part of the “It happened to us” club. When it's simply a trip down to the hardware store and a totally fun family meeting, and you’re prepared to save lives! Yeah, ok. I get it. I’ve been lazy. Thank you Father God that the worst we have had to handle was a few choking incidents, and those were easily solved with a swooping of the throat and a little baby back slapping!

Fast forward a couple years, and our family decides that we are going to start our adoption journey. As I read through our requirements and household safety regulations, I become panicked. How have my children survived thus far without knowing how to properly do CPR, chemical cupboard locks, special detectors and a fire extinguisher!? We are a living time bomb for disaster! As we have gone through the classes and paperwork, I realize that these truly are simple things to invest in. A Saturday afternoon of prep and my family can rest easy, knowing they are safe. My husband and I are now certified CPR super heros, we are working on our family escape route, buying a fire extinguisher, replacing all the detector batteries, teaching the kids the correct time to call 911 and praying to our heavenly Father that none of it has to be used!
Why not as mothers do everything we can (in a sane and acceptable way...don’t bubble wrap your child) to be completely prepared to keep our families safe and alive! I pray that Dale’s talk didn’t fall on deaf ears and that we all went home and at least thought about what we would do in case of an emergency.




Motherhood. It is not for the faint of heart.

Friday, February 26, 2016

Noticing Goodness: When There's No Happily Ever After




Ginny Thomas, mentor mom and "mom" to many, shared her story with us at Tuesday's meeting.

She started her story by reminding us that God was present in it; and although it was not necessarily a "happily ever after," hers was a story of hope.

Ginny took care in her life to do what was right; to marry the "right" person, to go to church, to be a good mother and wife to the best of her abilities. But as she soon realized, doing all the right things didn't necessarily equal a perfect outcome.

She was involved in church, Bible study, and had two beautiful children. She was happy in her marriage, loved God, and was thankful for her blessings.

But her world came crashing down when after more than one affair, her husband left their family. She was on her own at that point. It was devastating.

But God was near.

But, God. He was everywhere in her life, from the very beginning. 

I think what struck me most about her story, wasn't the affairs, or the financial stress, or the three jobs she needed to take to support her family...

What struck me was that she actually did Notice Goodness through it.

The impression of her heart over the beat of the story, was that God is good. Always.

The story told was that we are loved. He loves to not only meet our needs and feed our souls, but He longs to bring us joy.

And when Ginny was gifted an anonymous $500 left on her car one day, she saw it as a gift a husband would give to his wife. She said it was like God was saying, "Buy yourself something pretty."

She saw it as an "I love you."

This was the point where my emotions overwhelmed me. 

How often do I interpret life circumstances as inconsistency in God's character? As bad things happen and people hurt me, when those I love abandon me, how often do I assume this is how God must be?

Instead of reflecting feelings of abandon upon God, Ginny gave herself with abandon to Him. 

Ginny's story, though she may not see it as a happily ever after, is actually a narrative of True Love.

Because God.

At the end of her talk, Ginny left us with the lyrics to Blessings by Laura Story, and so I leave this with you as well:

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

And what if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can't satisfy?

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?







Thursday, January 28, 2016

Simplify. Organize. Beautify.

Oh, how I love to organize. My childhood bedroom was a minefield of stuff, the floor so messy that only I knew the secret passageway to avoid a booby trap. Yet my closet was impeccably organized into matching labeled boxes, clothes organized by spectrum. There was no danger of falling boxes teetering precariously atop an over-packed shelf. Cleaning my room was a task I did begrudgingly, but I had a system. Clothes and shoes first. Books and papers second. By that point, my room was mostly presentable with only a few miscellaneous items left without a home. 
Simplify.
Throughout my life, I’ve read dozens of books, blogs, and articles about organization. My organization style has changed a lot over the years. What I’ve learned more in recent years is how much better it is to declutter and discard. My big ah-ha moment occurred when I read (somewhere I can’t recall now) that clutter always costs something
It costs space – Garages so full we can’t park our cars inside? Attics or closets where we “cram and slam”? Clutter costs the space we have in our homes. 
It costs money – As if our homes aren’t crammed enough, how many of us have extra storage units to house all of our clutter? That costs money. Aren’t most of us constantly buying all the little add-ons and impulse buys (Target dollar spot anyone??). All those Pinterest-worthy knickknacks are only adding to our clutter and taking away from our wallets.
It costs energy – Isn’t it funny how when it comes time to move houses, all of a sudden we realize how much stuff we have? Where does it come from? Does clutter breed while we sleep? (I think it must.) All that energy is spent just moving clutter from one place to another without ever actually dealing with it. 
One book that has really opened my eyes to the idea of only keeping what I truly love is The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying-Up by Marie Kondo. If you were at morning MOPS, you heard me describe the methods recommended in this book.




This book was a revelation to me. The funny thing is, my method of tidying as a child goes right along with this. Instead of location, it instructs you work by category, starting with the least sentimental and working to the most sentimental. What I forgot to mention was the funky “woo woo” part where you thank your possessions as you get rid of them. Yes, that’s right. It’s weird. Why would I do that as a Christian? I thought about it, and what I got was this – As Christians, we need to thank God for all He has given us. We’re called to be wise stewards of our money. Part of why things are difficult to let go is because we spent some of that money that God gave us on these items. Sometimes letting go means we weren’t the wisest with our God’s money. By letting go, and thanking God for His provision of what has become clutter, we can move forward and make wiser decisions in the future. 
Organize.
A cluttered home is a sign of a cluttered mind. Isn’t that so true? For me, if I see a sink full of dirty dishes and I can’t see the kitchen counters, my mind cannot handle the idea of making a healthy meal. I’ll reach for the cookies or the Cheetos and stress eat instead of throwing together a salad kit. Call me crazy, but clutter stresses me out so much that it affects my mind in ways I can’t explain. By taming the clutter and keeping things organized (as much as life allows), I can think more clearly and make better decisions. As women, we’re called to be the managers of our homes. I think sometimes we don’t see how easily our attitudes and frantic behaviors can affect the atmosphere of the entire household. How we manage our homes has a direct and profound influence on our families.
“She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” – Proverbs 31:27
This is our God-given responsibility as women, wives, mothers… to be the managers of our homes and not to be idle. Idleness, in this verse, does not mean we never sit down or rest (although it might feel that way at times). It simply means not to be lazy. It’s hard work to manage a home! But we are called to point our families to Christ. If our homes are cluttered, crazy messy, and overwhelmed all the time, how will that point our families to Christ?


What if you HATE organizing? Give yourself grace. Give yourself time. Go back to step one. The more you simplify, the less stuff you’ll have to organize. If you’d like more encouragement on Gospel-centered home management, I highly recommend checking out The Homemaking Foundations podcast on iTunes
Beautify.
This is the fun part! After all that hard work of clearing out clutter and organizing what we love, we get to beautify our homes for our families and guests. Make your home a haven. Let it be a place where your family wants to be. A place where they can feel refreshed. Consider playing worship music in the background instead of letting the TV drone on in the background. Create quiet and restful places where your family can retreat to read the Bible and pray. We don’t need to have the Pinterest-perfect house to have a beautiful home. If decorating isn’t your thing, ask someone to help you! I know several MOPS moms that DO love to decorate and would LOVE to help you out (I’m looking at you, Mallory). 


It is important to note that many homemakers are motivated by pride. “I know that when I enter someone’s beautiful house it’s easy to let envy and pride take over my heart. I think that decorating your house can be for God’s glory but it all depends on your heart attitude. Be motivated by humility to serve those who come into your house rather than pridefully showing it off. Try and cultivate humility in your thoughts and actions and this will come out in your homemaking.” – Jami Balmet

Make your home a place where your family can flourish fiercely.