God Author of Forgiveness

     
   I don't know about y'all (forgive the Texas affectation), but it is easy for me to go down that familiar rabbit trail of holding on to all the wrongs that have ever been done to me. We all have past hurts. For me it's a mother's on going addiction, betrayal by friends, men that used me, and most recently, leaving a ministry that was spiritually abusive. Life can be HARD. But God has a way of gently reminding us that He is in control. This time HE used the lovely Julie Westfall to remind me of that truth.

( me holding onto bitterness)

           If you missed our MOPs meeting Tuesday we had a video before Julie shared with us. The video featured a couple who struggled with forgiveness, stemming from past infidelities and how they were able to overcome those issues. What struck me most was when the woman featured in the video, Trisha Davis, shared this: "True forgiveness you offer to a person regardless of their response. You win! You let go of bitterness. Every time you choose forgiveness, you choose healing. I'm not going to let this control my life anymore." After hearing this, the Lord showed me that not forgiving is a control issue. I think if I just hold on to this righteous anger I can control the situation so that this person can't hurt me anymore. But forgiveness is letting go and letting God take control. So freeing.

           After the video, Julie spoke and it was so encouraging! I just had to--embarrassment be darned--shout out 'Amen' at one point. My favorite part was when Julie shared from Matthew 18. We are called to limitless forgiveness. 7 x 70 times. This is not a mathematical equation, it's a call to ALWAYS forgive. God has it under control! She shared a K-LOVE quote, "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die". Wow! It is so true how bitterness and anger only hurts ourselves. As people we want justice and we want fairness, but we have to remember to trust Him. Our God is a god of righteousness.

            Let's face it, forgiveness can be hard, but when we start to focus on the things above instead of the things below it gets easier. The Bible states 'the wages of sin is death'. The wages of MY sin is MY eternal death. I do not deserve forgiveness. If Christ died so that I may live eternally with Him in heaven, can't I forgive another for smaller offenses?

  

"For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to Him through the death of His Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through His life!  Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation." Romans 5.10,11

          

          This Easter let's daily ask the Holy Spirit to help us keep our hearts focused on Him and not ourselves, remembering the price Christ paid for us. He is Risen!

It Works for ME! -- From the Hot Pink (Soma) & Light Pink (Dana) Table

Connie C - When you have an evening out at a friend's house, bring your kiddos' toothbrushes! They can brush their teeth before you leave, and then you don't have to worry about it when they fall asleep on the car ride home! 

Courtney V - Star charts for attitude checks, chores, and counting practice! She loves the chart by Melissa and Doug! Tip: Michael's carries many Melissa & Doug products & always has a weekly couple of 40-50% off a regular priced item. You can get your chart at a discounted rate! 

Soma D - Always carries a zip-up blanket in the trunk of her car. This works great for park play dates, Concert-in-the-Park, ect. Use a Bed, Bath, & Beyond coupon that always comes in the paper or mail to save $ on your purchase. 

Laura P - She keeps her kid's pajamas in a drawer in the bathroom, so they are ready to go after bath time!

Jessica D - She gives her kids cod liver oil (lemon flavored), vitamin D & C, & probiotics to stay healthy during the winter. She's a mom of 4, and she likes to steer clear of the doctor's office! 

Melissa B - Makes her bed every single day! This brings a sense of calm to her day, it inspires the kids to make their bed too, and if the rest of the house is a disaster...at least the bed is made! 

Della B - When your kids go to school, carpool! In 5 years of carpool, her kids have never been late to school because each carpool mom is accountable to each other! Also, if you run into a car emergency, one of the other moms can help you out! 

Katie - She keeps a journal on hand in her family room to write the funny things her kids say! 

Diane - She uses a sweater shelf to lay out a weeks worth of clothing for her kids!

Zelda - She uses a portable potty called the "Potette Plus!" It comes with disposable baggies liners, and it's great for road trips. It cost around $13 at Babies R Us! 

 

Caryn L - She wants to instill a love of reading into her daughter, so she found that the best time to reads books to her is after nap time while she's still waking up!

Christine C - She loves a clean house! She's found that an irobot vacuum cleaner and a Hurricane Spin Mop works for her! 

Megan O - She suggests making your own Moby wrap by purchasing 5 yards of fabric & cutting it lengthwise down the middle! Moby wraps = great bonding time.

DeAndra T -  Changed her attitude from serving her family to serving the Lord. 

Dana D - While she makes dinner, her boys each get a special activity! The older brother gets to play with kinetic self-sticking sand (from Brookstone), while the younger brother plays with an empty/clean Parmesan cheese container & q-tips! This keeps them entertained for a bit while she makes dinner. The sand isn't messy, and the youngest enjoys putting the q-tips in the container over...and over again! 

Being Brave To... Raise Responsible Kids

Yesterday we were joined by speaker, author and educator, Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, and her talk was on "Responsibilities for Young Children."

I know a lot of moms couldn't make this meeting; there are so many sick kids right now, and that, along with the time change, sure makes it hard to leave the house.

Literally, the only reason I was able to come to MOPS was because my husband was home and offered to stay with all 4 of my kids. Mine have spring break this week, so it was pretty heroic of him.

Anyway, on to the topic at hand.

Dr. Fritzemeier joined my table for breakfast. She's a smart, educated woman, with a lot of ideas. I mentioned that I was probably late to the game, as I'm only just starting to give my 7 year old more household chores. And she agreed, I was a little late; but better late than never.

The whole premise behind her talk (dare I say, lecture?), was that if you start giving your young children responsibilities in the form of chores around the age of 2, they will learn that this is just what you do in a family, and that taking care of ourselves and contributing to the work load is part of life.

Waiting until school age can become a bit more challenging, as by the time they are maybe 7, they understand that chores are work, and aren't so eager to join in on the "fun."

But it's more than just chores and chore-charts, said our speaker. It's about raising self-sufficient and responsible people. Chores tend to be a path toward helping our kids to problem-solve, think creatively, and think critically.

They also can help our children become more independent, and increase their self-esteem.

Here's the conundrum for a lot of us moms of preschoolers: We are low on time, low on energy, and low on patience. Is it just me? Because my life doesn't allow for a lot of direction and instruction for my toddlers.

I'm literally struggling to get them to eat their dinner and get to bed on time.

But here are some things I have been able to initiate in my home, as far as chores and responsibilities are concerned:

My 7, 6 and 5 year olds must keep their rooms basically clean, especially before leaving the house or doing something "fun" (i.e. watching tv, playing games, going on play dates, etc.).

I do not make them clean up or make their beds in the morning before school in the morning. And that's ok with me. It works for our family this way, because the room-cleaning takes place usually at night before bed, or when they are home on the weekend. I've had to evaluate when I as the mother and supervisor have the most time and energy to devote to the process of that whole room-cleaning deal. And this is with my school age kids. It might look differently with a 2 and 3 year old, but it really depends on your life, activities and family structure.

Some other tasks my kids are responsible for are: cleaning their place when done with a meal, cleaning up a spill when they are at fault (usually a drink at dinner), and putting their laundry away.

According to Dr. Fritzemeier, I'm probably giving my school-age kids the responsibilities of a 2-4 year old.

Here's why: I'm a perfectionist. I take over a lot of the time, and have difficulty allowing my kids to do things when I know it won't get done the when or how I want it. (I'm a work in progress)

But you know what? I feel like I'm far from failing. I know my kids, and I know myself, and believe me when I say, what chores I give them stretches all of us.

And it should. Learning to be responsible (for a kid) or to give responsibly (for a parent) is no easy task. When one task is mastered, we move on to another. We are consistently challenging ourselves, even if the tasks we're doing aren't at a certain level or place on a list.

Another big part of the discussion yesterday was giving young children choices, or limited choices. This helps to foster decision-making ability, and may make your everyday tasks a little less chaotic.

For example, instead of asking your child "Do you want to get dressed?" We say, "What do you want to wear, your blue shirt or your green shirt?" Therefore, taking the element of "no" or a battle out of the equation.

But for those of you (me) with "threenagers" this may not apply, or you must break out your creative thinking skills because those kids will always find a third option.

Preschoolers. Amiright? Seriously.

So, I will leave you with a statement for thought and reflection in light of this whole topic: "Rarely do things for your children that they can do for themselves."

However this may look in your home, with your kids, and the stage you are at (in your perfectionism recovery, maybe), I hope you are able to continue or begin or whatever in helping your kids to grow into confident, thoughtful, and responsible adults.

March Mom of the Month (M.O.M.)!

March Mom of the Month:

Lisa L!!!!

1.) Who's in your family?
Me, my loving husband, and my 2&1/2 year old daughter!



2.) What is your favorite thing about MOPS?
The yummy breakfast from the moms!



3.) What is your favorite activity to do with your daughter?
Dancing with her and watching her dance to music!



4.) If you had a day all to yourself, what would you do?
Sleep........



5.) What is your favorite sweet treat?
Almond marzipan cake or moist chocolate cake!



6.) Describe a fun childhood memory?
Going to the beach and swimming with my family!



7.) What is one piece of advice that you can offer to the moms in our group?
Have patience with your spouse, kid(s), and yourself!

Being Brave... To Be Intimate (The Sex Talk)

                      

I've been trying to decide what to blog on this topic, you guys. It doesn't seem like enough to just give you a summary. Miriam Deuel gave a fabulous talk about marriage and sexuality and keeping the fire alive with our husbands. It was good stuff. I took a lot of notes. And there was a list of resources with several amazing books to help us along on this journey.

I'm not really going to say more on that, because she said it, and hopefully you were there and heard it. So what I'm going to do is just say some stuff and things, and hopefully you will nod along; and if you don't, that's ok too. 

I want to start with something honest about myself. I was not a virgin before I got married. And my husband was not my "first." 

There is a lot of stress involved in that for me. I grew up in a Christian home, so maybe it surprises you, but I hope it doesn't. Because more often than not I find it's not something as uncommon as it is unspoken. I'm surrounded now by a church family and close friends to whom I don't speak openly on this topic. Partly it's embarrassment, but mostly it's just that my past sexual experiences differ from theirs.

And that's ok. Life is complicated, and sex is too. The search for what is ideal and good is a wonderful thing, but that we ever can reach or attain God's idea of perfection is just never going to happen here on earth. We are flawed. We are sinful. We rebel. And I have a feeling no matter what your state of virgin-ness was when you got married, having sex with your husband wasn't as simple a thing as you anticipated. 

Fast forward to my own marriage. Were there struggles? Are there struggles? Absolutely. Marriage is hard. Sex is a challenge, but it's also the best gift we've been given. I've had to rethink what sex means to me and it's role in my marriage. I've had to reexamine my sexuality as a wife and as a woman. It's a process, but like Miriam challenged us to do, I fought for it. Please fight for this. Because however sex began for you, for better or for worse, it should end well, shouldn't it? God made it for us, and it's something we can and should do often in a healthy marriage.

And we should enjoy it.

Ladies, imagine that for a little while, you literally forget you have several kids and a mortgage. You forget that 2 hours prior all you felt like was a mommy or a servant. You put aside the stress, and all the stuff that's on your mental to-do list, and you let yourself enjoy sex, darn it! Whether it's for 3 minutes or 30 minutes, you are his lady and he is your man. 

Which leads me to something else I'd like to say: don't get caught in the wife-trap. I'm talking about the trap where you put all of the sexual needs on your husband and forget that you have needs too. It's really easy, because men "need it more" than we do, right? 

First, I wonder if that's really always the case. We get distracted, yes, but our needs remain constant. I really do have to be honest with myself, and admit that I am not thinking about love making on a daily basis. I probably think more about feeding my baby, planning my day, getting my kids to school on time, etc, than I do about my husband. But this doesn't mean I don't need sex too, just that I need reminders. Good thing husbands are great at reminding... But I digress.

Secondly, is it fair (to him) to compartmentalize sexual needs in our marriages? Is it fair for me say his need is greater, therefore I do it for him? Or that he needs it more, so I must do it more? I doubt men want us to be intimate with them per an obligation. A good man doesn't want obligatory sex; he want to make love with his wife. He wants you to enjoy having sex with him. I've had to have a few awkward conversations with my husband to really understand what he and I both need. It's not always comfortable, but it's worth it because I really love my husband and our marriage. 

I choose good sex. Can I do that? Yes, I can. You can too. I allow it. 

Just kidding. Sorry I've delved into an awkward space and I'm getting silly. But seriously, you do almost have to give yourself permission to love sex. Especially since we have experiences that may not have allowed that before. Give it all you have. Don't hold back. Do it for your husband, yes, because he loves it and you. 

But in the midst of giving, I hope you truly get it. 

Really.

Get it, girl.

P.S. The 3 Days Rule is a real thing. Science. Biology. I haven't found any scientific studies to back this one up, but I think it's fairly accurate.

P.P.S. You should ask your husband for his input on this topic. Have an awkward conversation about the 3 Days Rule, about his needs, about how sex is an emotional release/need for him. Not all men are the same, so ask about his individual thoughts here. He will love it.

P.P.P.S. Happy Valentine's Day!

February Mom of the Month!!!

Our February Mom of the Month (M.O.M) is:

Laura P.

1.) Who's in your family?
My husband Dean, my daughters Adrianna (15) & Eleni (5) & son Andoni (3)


2.) What's your favorite childhood memory?
My favorite childhood memory would be of staying with my Grandma who was so loving to us and would bring us white bread toasted with butter, cinnamon & sugar & and make me strawberry milk & she would cover me with a blanket while I ate with my feet up. Granted I wasn't sick, just loved to spoil me..Also, she would keep baked good such as pies & cookies in her bedroom in an old porta crib under a towel away from all uncles to be sure I would get some. Also, I was the only grandkid that was allowed to sleep in her bed with her.


3.) What's the nicest thing someone's ever done for you?
The nicest thing anyone has every done for me would be when I went on vacation for 10 days & when I came home there was flowers in my kitchen, home made soup in my fridge and milk and fruit and vegetables and a welcome home sign all from my neighbor that we had only known a few months. She had used her key and did all that on her own


4.) Describe your dream vacation.
My dream vacation would be going someplace tropical that I haven't been & relaxing in the sun & swimming.


5.) What is your favorite "me time" activity?
My favorite me time activity is shopping or getting a massage.


6.) What's your favorite thing about MOPS?
I think it's fun when we play games.


7.) What is one piece of advice you can give to our MOPS moms?
My one piece of advice is "things happen for a reason" & also " God won't give you more then you can handle"...

Decisions, Decisions!

 

     Tuesday's MOPs meeting, when four wonderful educators came to visit our group, blew me out of the water. I mean, at first when I learned we would be hearing from an "education panel" I was cringing on the inside. When it comes to education either you really, really know what you want to do, or you at least really, really know what you don't want to do. But God ... (say it with me now), “But God', our Awesome God, has a way of showing up and revealing things to us we never even expected.

       These four amazingly wise, wonderful women were so full of grace and love that they totally blew me away, and God convicted me real fast. It was very apparent that Michelle, Sharon, Suzi and Ali have huge hearts for kiddos and for the Lord.

        There was a lot of awesome info about public, charter, private and home schooling. All of it was so good and encouraging to hear. I thank God that we live in a country where we can choose what to do with our littles. Can I get an “Amen!”?

I learned a lot, but these were the main points I kept on hearing over and over and over again...

1) We want our kids to be Christ followers.

Whichever school we choose for our sweet babies, the number one goal is to have them love Jesus. 

Train up a child in the way he should go; when he is old he will not depart from this. Proverbs 22.6

2) We want our kids to be lifelong learners. 

Let's not just look at kindergarten but toward the future as well. We need a school, and homes, that will foster this. Our children need to be encouraged to ask questions, so that they can discover truths about life.

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness. Timothy 3.16

3) Pray, pray and pray some more!

It is so hard to wait. But if we don't know what to do, seek Him. Tuesday’s panel showed me how many options I have never even considered before, and it was wonderful. Options mean choices, and choices can be hard. But if you ask, HE will guide you. Our God always shows up for us!

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3: 5-6

4) God made you their mama for a reason!

This one is my most favorite and all of our panelists seemed to echo this throughout the meeting. You were made to be this child's parent for a reason. He chose you to care for them. Trust that He will guide you and equip you with everything you need to raise a Jesus follower! 

To this he called you through our gospel, so that you may obtain the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Thessalonians 2:14

Even though each year, let alone each day, brings about surprises, it is encouraging to be reminded by some pretty cool Titus 2 women, that He will provide a way! You can make this decision. The Holy Spirit will help you.

And don’t forget to trust that mama gut!