Me and my BFF

This picture makes me smile.  It’s not the greatest picture of Jim, and you can hardly see the view that we had from the top of the mountain overlooking the hills and the ocean, but it reminds me of a great day and a beautiful gift from a loving Father.

Jim woke me up earlier than I would have liked on Saturday morning.  He handed me a coffee and instructed me to brush teeth and throw on some clothes—we were off to Coastanoa.  I rolled out of bed and we headed out on the two hour drive to our favorite hiking spot.

This time of year has always been a struggle for me.  The post-holiday let down followed by a month or two of cold, wet days leaves me feeling a little blue and not very motivated to do much.  I appreciated Susan’s talk about depression last week—it was so informative.  I’m not sure if my blues have ever turned into depression, but I do know that they have occasionally stolen my joy and made me lose all perspective.   With Ivey back at college, it seems that this year has been especially hard for me. 

We drove to Half Moon Bay and stopped at the local grocery market for a picnic lunch.  We have this down to a science after five years—fresh bread, smoked salmon, sliced cheese, and some fruit.  We got a warm juice and a wheatgrass shot for energy and drove to the trailhead.  As we parked and began our walk, I could feel the tension and sadness beginning to fall away.  After 2 hours uphill through grassland, and then thick forest, we reached the summit.  The sun was shining, the wind refreshing, the smell intoxicating, and the endorphins from the climb exhilarating.   I felt so free and energized for the first time in months.

However, the most beautiful thing about this day was not the view or the endorphins, but that my best friend knew just what I needed and he dropped everything to make it happen for me.   

He knows my limits and he saw me getting to the edge of them.  He also knows that I can breathe better surrounded by trees, and that sometimes I need a push to get me there.  He is patient and loving as I wake up from my sluggishness and begin to feel alive again.  He knows every part of me and he loves me anyway.  He always waits and hopes for the best me to show up again.  He draws me out and lifts my eyes back to Christ and the marvelous healing light He offers.  He makes me remember how grateful I really am.  He is a beautiful husband, a loving dad to my girls, and my very best friend.

We began our lives together as friends my first year of college.  We gradually grew from best friends to dating, and then marriage followed 4 years later.   I am so thankful that no matter what has happened in our lives, through all the stages we’ve gone through, we have found a way to nurture our friendship.   I’m not saying it’s always been easy and I’m not saying we haven’t had our struggles, but there has always been a clear vision of who we wanted to be for each other, and we have worked hard to make that a constant in our lives.   

I am not sharing this with you to brag or somehow say that our marriage is perfect.  It isn’t.  But it is real and it is strong.  We haven’t figured it all out, but as I pray for you and your marriages, I want to share what we have learned:

We have learned to put our guard down and be totally transparent, trusting each other to handle what we are given gently and with great care. 

We have committed to praying for each other and trusting as God works in our marriage to make us stronger and to help us love each other more.

We try to be slow to criticize and quick to find good. 

We try never to manipulate and we try never to assign motive or intention. We always hope for the best from each other.

These are our goals as we do life together and though we often fall short, we are constantly growing closer and closer to each other along the way.  Whether you are already there, or feeling like you don't know where to start to even become friends again, here are some practical tips that may help foster the friendship:

1.  PRAY PRAY PRAY for your spouse.  Prayer builds love and intimacy.  Never underestimate the power of prayer--especially for the ones that God has placed in your life.

2.  Can you remember a place or an activity that gave you the feeling of freedom and joy?  Even if it seems silly or impractical--go for it.  Share it with your husband and let him see that side of you again!

3.  Find some way everyday to encourage, support, or build up your husband without expecting anything in return.

4.  Hold hands whenever possible.

5.  If you have to talk about something difficult or challenging, talk while you walk and walk side by side. Refer to #4  :)

6.  Share something with your husband that he might not know about you, and ask him questions that let him share himself with you in the same way.  It could be something small like a favorite place, or something big like a dream that is growing in you.  Play top 3 (top 3 favorite desserts, top 3 favorite vacation spots, etc.) You never know—tastes change with time!

7.  Never stop finding the humor in daily life and share it with each other.  There is nothing more fun than laughing.  Well, almost nothing...

"Love is patient and kind, not jealous, not boastful, not proud, rude or selfish, not easily angered,and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not gloat over other people’s sins
but takes its delight in the truth.  Love always bears up, always trusts, always hopes, always endures."  1 Cor. 13:4-7

"His words are sweetness itself; he is altogether desirable. This is my darling, and this is my friend..."  Song of Solomon 5:16

"Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel."  Prov. 27:9

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” James 1:17

Depression

God is so ironic, don't you think? Today's my day to "blog" and the topic is depression. You'll get why that's funny as you continue reading.

Our speaker, Susan Leonard, asked what it is we think of when we think of "Depression," whether it be ourselves or others, and we were told to write something down.

Having personally dealt with depression, medication, and some super-fun therapy and psychological evaluations, this is what I wrote:

"Failure."

I literally feel like I've failed most days. Don't worry, this doesn't get me down like it used to, praise God for Zoloft; however, it's startling even to me that I still feel like I've let everyone (including myself) down.

At the age of 20, my first major depression struck. It was mostly caused by some relationship issues and a lot of unresolved feelings and anger. I didn't seek help at that time, but I pushed through, and I was eventually able to finish college, get married and have 2 beautiful girls before my next "episode" at the age of 28.

According to Ms. Leonard, a "Melancholy" personality can potentially contribute to depression. Well, that's me. I'm creative, perfectionistic, blah blah blah, all those things. I also am genetically predisposed. Yay me.

Anyway, when I was 28, I'd had my second daughter, had the baby blues, and never quite recovered. In fact, it got much worse, and I knew I had only two choices: seek professional help, or become a blob.

Realizing that blobs don't make very good mothers, I decided to get help. I was diagnosed with Bipolar type 2, began anti-depressants, and starting seeing a lovely therapist who helped me to battle some pesky demons from the past. And I got better -- MUCH better. I felt happy again, I enjoyed my kids and my husband again, and I rediscovered my creative side. I taught myself to knit and starting writing again as well.

So meds are great (when needed), but Susan is so right when she said that a major key in your depression journey is RELATIONSHIP. If not for my dear husband who encouraged me to get help, and hugged me when I was feeling so unlovable, and for my friend who went with me to my first doctor appointment, and for my other friends for suggesting I contact my therapist.... Well I don't know where I'd be, but it wouldn't be good.

I don't know what you needed to hear today, but I really needed to hear (again), that it's not my fault. That I'm not a failure. In fact, I'm a hero. Depression felt like a big giant was sitting on me, and I fought that giant. So...

Ask for help, tell a friend, do the work. I promise it's all worth it.

Mom of the Month!

Heather Buffa

Kids:

I have 3 kids and one on the way J Alexys is 13, Grey is 10 and Vin is 20 months. 

 

What is your favorite FREE activity to do with your family?

Riding bikes

 

What are your 10 favorite things?:

1. Family

2. Friends

3. Books

4. Reese Peanut Butter Cups

5. Wing Stop

6. Lavender

7. BBQ chicken pizza

8. Hot showers

9. The Bachelor/ Bachelorette TV show

10. Sleep

 

If you could learn to do anything, what would it be?:

Hair. Sounds strange I know, but having a teenage daughter, I wish I knew how to do all the trendy hair styles so I could help her do them.

 

What is your first memory of being really excited?:

That’s a hard one. I guess I would say, when I got my first Cabbage Patch Kids dolls for Christmas. I had to be around the age of 5 or 6. They were Twins which made it even more exciting, I remember one of them was named Tabitha and they were wearing blue velvet suits. J

 

What was your first job?:

I worked as an office aid at a company my older sister worked for. I spent all day putting together 500 page product binders L It wasn’t very fun but I still loved having a job. 

 

One piece of advice or encouragement you have for other moms...:

Have a date night with each of your kids as often as you can. Family time is really important but building a personal relationship with each of them individually is too. I find that my time spent alone with each of them is when we really get to know each other.

Praying & Playtime = Learning Time

Praying

Over the last few weeks I have heard the same prayer suggestion multiple times. Pray about the little things in your life along with the big things in your life, and be specific. I was reminded during Gayle's Mentor Moment that we have such a great opportunity in our daily activities with our little ones to teach them how to pray, and to pray often. Being with my children throughout the day provides me with many moments to teach them that God loves them and cares about their daily joys and struggles. So today was a good reminder for me to also pray during the day and try to be a good model for them. It doesn't take more than a moment or two to sit down and pray or have a conversation with God.

Playtime = Learning Time

Erin Keeney was a great speaker today and gave us lots of very useful information and tips to help our children along in learning new words and how to communicate. My very favorite quote from Erin came right as she started her presentation... "Motherhood is the hardest job I'll ever love." This quote struck me because I've never heard it put that well before. At the end of the day, I love being a mom and wouldn't change it; however there are also the parts of the day when you are being pulled in 8 different directions and are exhausted. Motherhood is a very hard job, but there is no job more rewarding that when you see the sweet smiles on your kids faces, or they come up and give you a great big hug.


Instead of trying to recap all of the specific speech information that was given today (hopefully you picked up the flyers on the back table), I thought I would include some of the tips, tricks and other tidbits that were shared today:

 

 

 

Places to take your children that have many opportunities for learning:

*Library - look at books, learning the rules of being in a library, story time
*Pet Store - learning names of animals, sounds, what they eat & where they would normally live
*Cover's Apple Ranch http://coversappleranch.com/
*Micke Grove Zoo http://www.mgzoo.com/zoo/micke-grove/default.htm
*Fresno Chaffee Zoo http://www.fresnochaffeezoo.org/
*Oakland Zoo http://www.oaklandzoo.org/

Ideas for playtime:

*Rotate toys - child can focus on one toy and not be overwhelmed by all the other toys spread across the room, new excitement when toy is brought back out, less toys to clutter house

*Suggested toys - avoid electronics(batteries are expensive), Mr. Potato Head, Legos, blocks, Play Dough

*Another resource suggested by Angie - http://filefolderfun.com/

*Teaching words in categories: for example - farm animals, people, sports, bath time, bed time

Praying we were all encouraged today!

Cyndi

We Are All Missionaries!

I wrote this devotion when my kids were young, and thought you ladies might like it! FYI three years after I wrote this I found myself living in Kisumu, Kenya as an overseas missionary.... the moral to this story is God has a sense of humor :)

 

We have certain phrases in the Christian church that everyone says and few understand. “We’re all missionaries” is one of those phrases. When I hear a statement like this, it makes me sweat. I’m not talking about a slight glistening that makes you look healthy and strong. I’m talking about dripping, disturbing, get-everything-wet, man sweat. Why would one have such a reaction to a relatively insignificant phrase? Could it be when I think of myself as a missionary, I imagine myself in the bush, thousands of miles from civilization, where the food is what you shoot, and let’s just say I’m not a good shot. It’s a place where you bathe in and drink the same water, only before you drink it you put it through a filter and pronounce it clean. So there I am, out in the middle of nowhere dirty, hungry, and more than likely a host to many of the parasites my water filter gave the rite of passage. In my imaginings I’m very hot, swatting at biting flies, and riding a camel I’m allergic to.
 

What about telling lost souls about Jesus and leading new people into the kingdom? In my dreams I never get that far, I snap back to reality as soon as the flies start to bite, and try not to go back. Missions isn’t exactly an adventure I want to sign up for. I’m not talking about short term, go-out and come-home missions. I’m talking about sell-the- farm and buy-the-camel sort of missions. My prayers have been, “Lord help them to do a good job so that I don’t have to go”.
 

Now that I have bared my soul and you see the wickedness in my heart, you’re probably wondering where I’m going with this. The Lord just recently took this self-absorbed 30-year-old mother of four and taught her something she won’t easily forget. This is her story….
 

 It had been a long morning. All my children were in rare form due to an upcoming waterside trip. I kicked myself for mentioning it a day in advance, the next 24 hours were going to be rather stressful due to all the excitement. I heard a child screaming my name; I stayed where was, thinking if it was important enough, they would come looking for me. My wish was granted, an almost three year old child is at my side explaining the injustice she has experienced at the hand her older brother. I looked down at her, gave my most empathetic expression, and put into words some very wise and insightful advice. She gladly ran off to instruct her older brother. I felt a since of pride well up in me as I had handled the situation so calmly.  A distant scream indicated the advice wasn’t well received by the man-child. I ran to the back of the house to find my darling three-year-old repeatedly hitting her brother. The since of pride I had felt earlier vanished and my blood pressure spiked. I pulled the young child off her brother, took a deep breath, and explained Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” For reasons unknown to myself, I looked down at the child and ask  if she understood. She looked at me with a blank stare and shook her head no. Feigning patience I waxed eloquent on the importance of kindness. After my speech I left the small child’s room and wonder if she understood a word I said. I seriously start to doubt myself as a mother when I heard her stomp into her brother’s room for round number two. I felt as though I repeated myself every five minutes throughout the day to no avail. A few hours later I gathered up my children to go run errands. As I turned to lock the front door, my three-year-old skipped by me singing, “A soft answer turns away wrath.” My heart swelled with joy as I realized that somehow she heard what I had been saying. And  all of the sudden it hit me, the phrase which I had such a disturbing physical reaction to earlier is true.
 

My job isn’t glamorous, and most wouldn’t consider it adventurous. I take hot showers, and drink clean water, my days are routine and scheduled, I prefer cars to camels and have pest control to take care of biting bug problems. But four young children watch my life and I want them to see Jesus. I am a life that can be used by God to impact those in my day to day; in other words, I AM A MISSIONARY!
 

Ladies, I just wanted to encourage you, what you are doing everyday with your children is having an eternal impact. Keep up the good work :)

We made our first annual Birthday cake for Jesus last night - everyone having their hand in decorating with all together too many sprinkles...This is something that I've meant to do with the girls for a few years, but somehow the busy-ness of December always has gotten my best intentions lost. But this year, my girls suggested that we make Jesus a birthday cake (proud mom :)) and so we did! Had a little party complete with song and gift....my oldest had brought home a birthday gift she made at Pioneer Girls (wednesday night kids' club at church). I had no idea what was inside and convinced her to open it with us tonight since we had the birthday cake -- inside was a "gift card" from her to Jesus and it said "I will give you everything about the Bible." What a sweet girl...giving Jesus back what was His creation to begin with. I guess she knew he would like it :) 

Jesus' Birthday Cake....lots of sprinkles and Peeps christmas trees :)

This made me think about how my girls could give me anything at all, even something that I'd already made and given to them, and when given back to me with love like that, how it would bring me such joy - because it's a gift from my child! And this is just how God loves us....we are His children and I have nothing on my own to give back to Him that wasn't His to begin with. It's the heart behind the gift that any parent really cares about. Parenthood is the most incredible tool in keeping my eyes focused on Jesus...I am constantly understanding just a little bit more and more of how He loves me through experiencing the love I have for my children. I'm thankful for that kind of love...it truly does surpass all understanding.  Merry Christmas!  Love, Heather

Next week is our one and only December MOPS meeting - it's Christmas at MOPS!  Don't forget to bring your $5 Christmas ornament/decor gift for our gift exchange game, and if your kiddos have class in Ohana Island, they should dress in Christmas-y clothes.  We will hear a message from Connie Grover and have a great morning together!  See you soon!  Love, Heather