Blog Thing

Okay, so to be completely honest with you, I was looking for my notes to start writing this blog, and sadly I cannot find them anywhere. With that being said, I'm gonna try this off of memory, eek.

So first off, I just loved Deby's sense of humor! It was so fun to hear her speak. Thank you Deby for sharing your time with us.

Now to start this here blog thing...

There were a couple things that stood out to me from Deby's time of sharing that related to my life. The first one being that I can be just like Israel at times. I forget God. I end up trying to do life without Him. Then something happens and I'm running to Him for help. Once things are "okay" again for a bit, I start to get comfortable again and leave God behind. And the cycle repeats itself, and on and on it goes. I don't want it to be this way. I want to always, in every situation go to God first, not that that means I will. Deby said in her talk that "We are never stronger than when we are close to the Lord". I agree 100%. (I found my notes; see below, lol). This gives me the desire to grow closer to Him and know Him more.

The next thing that stood out to me was that we all have our own battles. You might know by now that the biggest battle that I face every day is anxiety. I overthink everything to a point that it just isn't healthy. Anxiety takes away so much of my time and energy that I could be using for the good of others and even myself. I'm gonna go ahead and say that anxiety is the "Sisera" in my life.  (Okay, I just got up for a minute to grab my notebook and start working on something else cuz I was drawing a blank, and when I grabbed my notebook, 'wah-la' there were my notes! Thank you Jesus!). Okay so back on track here... I keep wanting and praying that God would defeat this enemy of mine and take it away from me; I mean doesn't He know that I could be used in some amazing ways if I was healed!? C'mon God! But for what? So I can thank Him in the moment and forget about Him in the next?... (I don't believe this is why I'm not healed, I think I'm just being hard on myself).  More often than not though I think that maybe I'm not supposed to be healed... at least not yet. It's been easier for me to see God move in difficult times. If I didn't struggle, how would I know I need Jesus? I've had to lean into Him and His strength WAAAY more times than I can count because of my anxious thoughts. I'm so thankful He's there so I CAN lean into Him.  God is my Superhero. When I see the moments of peace He brings in the midst of my anxiety or other difficult times, I see Him helping me "fight Sisera" and it's fun to see the little mini battles and big battles He's helped me win.

2 Corinthians 12:7-9

... Therefore in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

This next verse I would cry and pray it to God over and over when I was going through some tough anxiety last year.

Psalm 25:16-17

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.

-Heidi M.

You Say ...

Testimony comes from the Latin word Testis, which means “a witness.” To give one’s testimony therefore for means to give one's witness of an event(s). What a crazy concept to think about, when we give our testimony, we are telling a story of something that we had happen to our own lives and we were a witness of it's level of impact in our lives.

Lauren Daigle has been on the Christian radio stations as well as main stream radio for several months now with her number one hit, You Say. I wanted to try a different approach to my last blog with using some of her words as I recount how truly amazing Ana, Rebecca, and Ruth's stories were last week. 

It is not an easy task to tell another individual about a struggle, hurt, sin, or rejection we have been through or are going through. Now it takes someone to be bold, brave, and truly remarkable to lay down their guard and tell us how amazing our GOD was through the tears, the pain, and how they witnessed first hand His grace at work. 

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know (ooh oh)

Ana went up on stage and shared her horrific encounter with violence in her own home. She stood in front of over 70 people and described how she would wake up in fear of what would happen today. How as a child she feared her parents and later in her teenage years her spouse. How as a mother she had to let her children go with this man who was supposed to protect them but instead brought them home harmed. She didn’t have a relationship with GOD at this time, but He still showed up. You see, our GOD is not a one-sided GOD, he doesn’t need our love and attention to give us HIS. HE is always present, always loving, always strong, always there to carry us, we just need to stop and see it. Looking back through this Hell, Ana can see God's fingerprints through her story. Things at the time she could not understand, could only be God now. The small things that became life changing things, like how one day her parents just stopped fighting…. One night her abusive husband just didn’t come back home…. How one phone call saying “I don’t want to have the girls over anymore, “ from a violent Dad…. Just how in all those moments of, “What happened, why did it all stop,” God was present without being asked to come in. How he took care of his sweet daughter with rent money, an outstanding new husband, a community of friends who have become family, and most importantly how he embraced her with open hands when her and her husband made a decision to be spirit led and started their intimate and loving relationship with him.

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe

My Mother committed suicide, were the words uttered out of the lips of Rebecca. I recently read a blog from a woman who had lost her mother as well, and she described the feeling of one losing a mother, in the best way I have ever heard, so I want to share what she said. She said when you lose your mother you lose a part of you. A part of you that for the remainder of your life you keep searching for. You look for your mother in a crowd, you look for her in the sky, and you try to find her most impossible places she could be in. You are always searching, like Rebecca I am as well always searching and, in a way, feeling lost without my mother here. I love how Rebecca did not paint this perfect picture of her and her mother’s relationship, but still her heart misses her mother. Misses those moments she has missed: like her engagement several weeks after she took her life, her two little girls being born and taking the most adorable butt cheek picture ever.. those moments that bring Rebecca joy now and sorrow, her mother has missed. The one thing I will always remember about Rebecca’s Testimony was her line “when your monies become your Testimony"! WOW! I believe this is the moment we allow GOD to start healing our MONIES and allows us to WITNESS our TESTIMONY. Rebecca you are brave, you are strong because you know who is holding you up. Thank you for my hug too! 

The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me
In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity, (ooh oh)
You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
Oh, I believe

One thing I have learned in my 7 years in MOPS is never say never. Don’t judge, don’t think your invisible, don’t think it will not happen to you. Ruth, I have known for a while now, and she is strong, loving, and the last person I could imagine being in the battle of her life when she found out she was expecting her third child. Seeing her go through this literally broke my heart. I was scared for my friend. She had to ask for help when she no longer could help herself. Medication, Doctors, Counselors, and Psychologist had to come to her side to help her body and mind heal. When she was not with another adult her children had to be taken care of by someone else. She was fighting to survive, but she was not alone. For Ruth's story, what stood out to me was how she struggled to believe in a loving GOD she grew up knowing. There are times we connect and are vulnerable enough in our life that we can finally share with our loved ones thoughts that come into our head. Ruth through this battle was able to share with her father, her struggle with believing or understanding how this all works, speaking about GOD. This conversation is not an easy one to have with a father who has brought you up telling you God is good through it all. In her vulnerability she found compassion from her father, love from her father, understanding from her father. He understood her. Our mountains in life bring out so much beauty, one thing for Ruth it brought a deeper connection with her father. For when we feel not alone, we allow ourselves to be more open to one another. We don’t feel judged. 

Taking all I have and now I'm laying it at Your feet
You have every failure God, and You'll have every victory, (ooh oh)
You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe

As I say good-bye to this ministry I love and have poured into for so many years, I hear these stories and remember my “Why” for this ministry. All these testimonies ended with the same ending…. “Because of the ladies I have met through MOPS, I am OK! They brought meals, shared their own stories, called me or texted me, they pushed me to be brave, they held me up, they became my family"!

As I walk out of those Venue doors, 7 years after I walked through them, I look back at my MOPS journey as well and I am so thankful. Big Valley MOPS was GOD'S vessel that carried me through my MOM'S diagnoses with breast cancer, my miscarriage, a new “surprise” pregnancy, my mother’s death, delivering a baby girl 6 weeks after burying my mother, another “surprise” pregnancy 8 months later, a restored marriage, a career change, and now saying good-bye to a ministry my heart loves.  I am a better person because of my MOPS home, I have built friendships that have become family. I have learned about working with women (one thing I honestly thought I could never do), being a better leader, a better friend, a better listener, and knowing when to keep my mouth shut (well learning this one still). 

Thank you MOPS for allowing women to come and share WITNESS to their MONIES. For giving women an arena to be strong and bold; while being humble, tired, and not having it all together. Thank you for allowing us to be brave, when we know our story will change someone elses. Thank you MOPS for being our safe place. 

Oh I believe (I), yes I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
Oh I believe (oh)

With all my Love,

Yessie Jamison (and Lauren Daigle)

Seek Wisdom in Finances

You know that feeling where you just want to burst out a happy dance even if there is no music to dance to? Yea that is the feeling I have right now as I send my very last payment to one of the biggest loans my husband and I had! Yes ladies we just payed off my husband’s student loan and it feels amazing!!

Let’s back up a bit to 4 years ago when my husband and I were about to celebrate our daughter’s 1st birthday. We were new parents and we had just moved into our own home and we had a lot of debt. From home mortgage, student loan, car payment, a few credit cards, and very little investment or savings. We were living paycheck to paycheck and felt like there was always a cord around our neck that we couldn’t move forward.

We heard about a Navigating your Finances class through Big Valley and we thought, “Well, we don’t really have anything to lose”. So, we signed up honestly to get some education about how to maybe get a better hold of our finances. We finished the course just like any other couple, very encouraged and motivated to get out of debt. We were in a good place to start with only one car payment that we were almost done paying so we thought “Hey, let’s start there!”. And then boom! My husband’s car kept breaking down to the point of it’s better to just sell it for parts, and I got into a car accident that completely totaled my car 2 months shy of paying it off!!  Talk about set back, we needed our cars for work commutes. No cars meant no work. No work meant not getting out of debt! I was very disappointed. We knew we didn’t have any money saved to even consider buying a new car, let alone two!

We got some money from my accident, but it was really just enough for a down payment for one car so there we were trying to get out of debt, yet we had just signed about 25k dollar debt for car loans. Where was my emergency fund when I needed it?! Where was my car fund when I needed it?!?!

I tell you this story to encourage and tell you that it is possible to have a hold of your finances even if it seems like you are in a deep hole and unable to get out. We will have setbacks, emergencies happen, the question is how prepared are you for those setbacks? Believe me, they will happen that is just life. I love how Tarah called it “budget meeting”. That meeting ladies is so important! Don’t miss that meeting and most importantly do not reschedule it! Today is the day to start. We must be open to talk about the place where we are right at this moment if we truly want to make a change and set an example for our children and teach them a valuable lesson on how to manage our finances in a God pleasing way.

Today my husband and I are still working towards gaining financial freedom! It won’t happen overnight but believe it or not we are closer than we were 4 years ago. We paid off one of the cars pretty quickly and the second car we will pay off God willing later this year. So, I leave you with this as I click send on my very last payment to an over 30k debt. The Bible’s consistent message in regards to money is to be wise. God wants you to seek wisdom when it comes to your finances. He wants you to pay off your debt, read Proverbs 22:7. He wants you to save money but not hoard it read (1 Timothy 6:6-11). Give to the Lord joyfully for God loves a cheerful giver (2nd Corinthians 9:6-7). Most importantly Believe that God is our ultimate provider and he will fulfill every need you have (Philippians 4:19). Jesus wants us to be free and that includes our finances as well. -Alis

Finding Friends

Happy VERY belated galentines ladies! Sorry I am late on the blog, life caught up with me and to be honest I had forgotten. Mom brain is real guys!

During our valentines meeting we celebrated GALentines and had the chance to mingle and relax. Two of my very favorite things. Having the chance to do this made me reflect on the friendships that MOPS has blessed me with. MOPS gave me the gift of 3 am friends.

Have you ever heard of a 3 am friend? I heard it at a MOPS meeting from a speaker once and I don’t remember who said it but I never imagined having one. A 3 am friend, is a friend that will be there for you no matter the time. We all need that person that we can call to celebrate with or cry with or sit and eat snacks while the kids tear up the house with. Husbands are awesome but when you’re in the trenches and he is busy with work or maybe you guys are not seeing eye to eye you need your 3 am friend. They can pray with you, cry with you, laugh with you, or if you are lucky like me they will feed you. I pray all the time that all of you moms that come here in search of friendship find your 3 am friend. I don’t know about you but I held myself back for so long from friendships out of fear of not being “good enough”.  I would have never had my friends if they had not talked to me first. I know it can be a bit uncomfortable to talk to someone new. I totally feel that finding friends is just like dating. It is sometimes awkward, and you can get nervous, and there is even an app you can download now where you can swipe through matches! I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone next meeting and be a friend to someone. Ask for their number or a playdate! If it feels weird come say hi to me, I’ll be the slightly awkward but smiling mom at the back table ready to give you a squeeze and chat. Let’s make the most of MOPS and let there be no mom alone. Love all of you GALS and shout out to my 3 am friends! Thank you for being a gift to my life and shoulder to cry on when I need it!

Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ - Galatians 6:2

A friend loves at all times - Proverbs 17:17

-Ana

Don't Stoppe Believing!

The Amazing Rhonda Stoppe spoke this morning and she, like always, blew my socks off. I have been wondering what to be when I grow up as I hit 40 and now I know I want to be Rhonda when I grow up. I want to be that fired up, to have that spark she has. She is such a beautiful soul and the Lord has always spoken to me through her.

She dove into Moses' and Davids’ Mothers this morning. I never usually think about their moms. It's funny, we tend to look at the stars of these stories and not at the influential people in their lives. Their Mamas had huge impacts on making them into the godly heroes of the Bible we look up to. Our roles as Mamas are huge. Rhonda spoke about the number one thing that makes Christian kids walk away from God is having hypocritical parents; and if you tell a kid of 2 crack heads about a God who loves them they are more open to the truth. This is so true!! My husband comes from a home of Christians whose family looked great at church, but at home it was a whole other ball game. Matt walked away from the Lord as a young adult. Thankfully God pulled him back into the fold. I grew up in a non believing home and as soon as I learned about Jesus I instantly knew He was real.

Rhonda's talk was good and encouraging and I was really enjoying it until it hit a little too close to home. I have major Mommy issues. My mom has had addiction issues that led to abuse in our home. I have never felt nurtured by my mother, let alone liked or even loved. So when Rhonda spoke about "if you have Mama issues you will push other women out because you can't trust them" huge alarm bells went off for me. I have always had a lot of friends but when the chance to go deep and really trust another woman comes in, I run. I find something to nitpick about their behavior and make an excuse for why they can't be in my life anymore. Right now I am asking God to forgive me for resentment, bitterness and an unforgiving heart. I am asking Him to help me to love and trust other women. I know it won't be an overnight healing but I trust that He will help me to heal.

Wow I had no idea this morning was going to go this way and I am so thankful that it did. He is so good to have Rhonda share one sentence that I know was specifically for me.

Mamas, let's do what Rhonda said and fight for Joy in our homes. Let us let love and joy fill our homes. For me that means working on my hang ups so anger and resentment will no longer take a hold of my heart. What does that look like for you and your home? Let's think of one thing we can do today to show our kids a joy filled home that has a Mommy who, yes makes mistakes, but who loves Jesus! I love you Mamas and I am praying right now for you, that when you read this you will be encouraged to trust Him and may the Joy of the Lord be your strength.

Summur

Surrender Daringly

Have you heard of enneagrams? For those of you who aren’t familiar, enneagrams are a system of classifying personality types where each of the numbers 1-9 represent a personality type and its psychological motivations. Participants strive to use the enneagram to become more aware of their own psychological fixations, spiritual problems, patterns of behavior, and as a way of relating to other people. I had heard about them before but just recently dove into finding out what my number was. Long story short, I’m an 8 which is often referred to as “The Challenger”. A major part of an 8’s personality is the strong desire to control their environment; especially people. Certainly it’s not my favorite part of my personality, but, oh boy, is it a very LARGE part of who I am.

I have struggled my entire life with seeking to gain control. I have had a life where things have been very unpredictable. I’ve experienced a lot of loss and sadness related to things so far out of my control while enduring a lot of physical, emotional, and spiritual pain. There’s this part of me that thinks, “If I can just control this aspect, things will be better.” Abusive father, parents’ divorce, single mother raising me, brother battling cancer, tumultuous family relationships, friendships abruptly ending, abusive relationships with boyfriends, miscarriages, battles with mental illness, brother dying, autoimmune disease, children with health issues... all these things I have ZERO control over. But, that doesn’t mean that at most times I didn’t fight tooth and nail to gain control in nearly all these situations.

I grew up in a Christian household, accepted Christ at a very young age, went to church, went to Christian schools, was involved in church activities and missions. I grew up knowing God was in control, but I always had trouble giving up my control to Him. I had no problem giving Him my prayer requests and my praises, but I couldn’t give up control. WHY?! Do I know better or do I think I can do better than God, just because I think my circumstances “should” be different or that “I don’t deserve this”? I used to question why these things kept happening. Hadn't I been through enough?! I had this expectation that I deserved a break from the hardships. After my brother’s death, I began to accept that God was using these moments to teach me, shape me, grow me, or use me for his greater good. Well, at least I thought I did. I know that in my heart of hearts because the Holy Spirit is screaming it to me, but I still struggle daily with seeking to control.

Surrendering to God is the ultimate act of faith and the most daring and brave thing you can do in your walk with Him. Think of the freedom of not feeling the burden or pressure to control every situation. To let yourself off the hook from thinking everything is up to you. God asks us to cast our cares and burdens upon him. What are we missing out on by distracting ourselves with what we think we can/should be able to control? Where could that energy be better spent? What message are we missing when our focus is on unhelpful expectations and the need to control?

Being a mother is the hardest job. You wear many hats as a mother. You love so fiercely. You experience 257 emotions every day. The second you become a mother, you are transformed. It is no longer about you. Everything you do is for your child. Their needs surpass your own. You would do anything for your child. You are exhausted. You struggle with the dreaded mom guilt, feeling like you are constantly falling short. You are being tested each and every day by these little blessings that make you want to cry and pull your hair out while simultaneously making your heart melt. But God chose YOU to be the mother to your child. Motherhood is the perfect lesson in control. That is, you have very little control over your child. You can do all the right things, but your little human is a being with free will. You can provide the perfect sleeping environment, but it’s up to your child to sleep. You can provide all the right foods, but it’s up to your child to eat. You can teach them and train them in ways that they should go, but it’s up to them to make the right choices. You are not in control of your child’s life. That statement can be terrifying. Your child is your heart walking around outside of your body and it can be tremendously difficult to see them experience pain or difficulties or struggles. I say all this, not to discourage or be a bummer. I say all of this because I feel motherhood is the ultimate lesson and tool that God uses to refine us. We need not worry or fear because He is in control.

Motherhood has brought me to my knees more times than in my entire life before having children. I have given my concerns, my worries, my anxiety, my fears, my struggles, my transgressions, my pleas, my desires... I have laid them all before him. But why do I still struggle with feeling like I still need to control everything? Maybe it’s just part of my personality- that strong willed, controlling 8. I still hold onto a piece of those things I lay before Him. I struggle with full surrender. But God continues to work in my life. He continues to use the daily struggles of life and motherhood to refine me. He brought me MOPS. He brought me to the blog team. He brought me this message. He is using the Holy Spirit to scream at me that I need to not just give him my worries and strife, but truly and fully surrender them to Him. I need to let them go... *cue Frozen sing along!* When I truly surrender, He brings me encouragement and restores my soul. There are so many challenges in motherhood, I don’t want my worries and constant need to control to add to the difficulties. I don’t need my load to be any greater. I need that weight lifted off my shoulders and to let things go when I give them to God. I need to be bold, be daring, and daringly surrender. I want to be still knowing that my God is bigger than any problem or worry I have. He is always in control. I need only be still and listen and trust that when I surrender to him, He has me exactly where he wants me to be and will guide me through this thing we call life.

-Heather G.

RESPECT

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Well my Christmas Décor is packed away; the New Year is among us. It seems most people are saying goodbye to the “bad” of 2018 and embracing the hope for 2019. As I take a moment today to reflect on the last 365 days, I can not help and feel contentment.

Personally, I know how devastating this year has been for some of my closest friends. Some have lost loved ones after a long battle with health issues, others have separated from long relationships/marriages, another handful lost the heartbeat of the child they have not yet met but loved so dearly, additional individuals lost jobs, homes, along with hopes and dreams that they had anticipated for 2018.

I know how hard some years can be, some years where you hope desperately, they leave behind all the darkness that year held. I remember having, what seemed to be year after year of devastation. I recall frantically having an DNC the last week of 2012 after learning I had lost my child earlier that month. 2012 had already brought Mom’s cancer and losing a child, was just the icing 2012 needed, so I made sure all the “bad” would stay that year. 2014 Mom died on December 23rd and I was not going to let 2015 have her burial, so we begged and pleaded for us to bury her before the year ended… I know hard years and wanting to leave them behind, so with that I will give myself permission to continue this post.

2018 has brought contentment. Everything was not perfect and rosy, but it was not devastating either. I think for the first time in my life, I have given myself permission to look at the good the year brought, instead of focusing on the bad I was leaving behind.

Our speaker on our last meeting had so many great moments on stage and even though it seemed to be two different areas she spoke about, for me it all undertone one word, RESPECT.

RESPECT- A FEELING OF DEEP ADMIRATION FOR SOMEONE OR SOMETHING ELICITED BY THEIR ABILITIES, QUALITIES, OR ACHIEVEMENTS.

Respect for others is extremely important and not to be taken lightly. I think when we think of this word, we usually associate it with how we respond to someone else. Wendee focused on the word internally; to RESPECT oneself. To allow one permission to put one first and give your being the respect it deserved. All over the Bible, self-respect is talked about.

“I am fearfully and wonderfully made”- would I not respect something that is made wonderfully by God?

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” – would I not respect something God created in HIS own image? 

Why don’t we give ourselves the respect we deserve? Why do we sacrifice and to the point DISRESPECT ourselves, to make someone else happy?

Wendee referenced a line from the book titled 7 Things Every Healthy relationship Needs, “Respect Yourself. Respect is crucial to relational health. And again, you can’t respect anyone else if you don’t first respect yourself.” 

To respect oneself, is not conceded or unloving to another, it is a healthy way to learn to be a better individual. It will teach you how to love others better if you love and respect yourself. If you put you and your family first. She mentions how she leaves for Christmas to allow herself the time she needs to focus on the holiday and respect her external family needs to build their own traditions and not feel the pressure and fear the holidays can bring. This is one of the ways she has helped herself and her family. This may not be for everyone and I know her well enough to know she is not saying to everyone to ditch their extended family on the Holidays. I do believe what she was saying is give yourself the permission to respect your needs and wants during this season and in life in general.

So, I am RESPECTING myself enough to look at 2018 and focus on the good. I am not going to look at what failed, for it is so easy for me to pick on myself and what I could have done better. I am respecting myself enough to say, “Yessie, it was a good year.”

So, what happened to me in 2018, well I grew as a woman. I learned to love harder and seek friendships. We paid off a lot of debt by budgeting and working super hard. I made the decision to close some doors with unhealthy relationships in order for the “possibility” of them to be opened again in a healthier and much deeper way, or for them to remain closed as they might have been toxic. I started to blog and write more, to allow all my thoughts to be put into words and actions. Finally, I allowed 2018 not to dictate me but for me to dictate it!

I recently heard a quote from Gisele Bundchen. “The mind is an instrument, don’t let it play you, you play the instrument!”

What a great reminder of how much we can control our mind and perspective.

So Happy New Year, embrace whatever 2018 had written for you and prepare yourself for 2019.

Let’s start off with embracing this definition of RESPECT.

RESPECT- A FEELING OF DEEP ADMIRATION FOR YOURSELF ELICITED BY YOUR ABILITIES, QUALITIES, OR ACHIEVEMENTS. 

Much Love and Respect,

Yessie J.