I Get So Emotional Baby!

During our last Mops meeting, we watched a video on the topic of anger. It had many amazing tools to teach us how to deal with our emotions, or our “Super Power” as she called it. We can use our anger for good or for evil. And I can sooooo relate to that. I am a passionate person. I love deeply and am very sensitive to others. But I can also respond in anger swiftly. I am not one to hold my feelings In. Whereas my husband is calm cool and collected and holds everything in until it all comes out. I don't know if one way is better than another, and I definitely see our different emotional responses in our children and how they deal with their own big emotions. It's just like a mirror up to your face of your own sin and ugliness. Ouch! Generational sin is some powerful stuff.

I am highly on guard for getting out of control with my kids. We had some major emotional, verbal abuse in my house as a kid. (I think that's why when I had so much anger after having my last baby, I knew my brain was not working correctly.)

But you guys, I have been so on edge last week analyzing my every move. Am I raising my voice too much? Oh crap, I sighed at my kids fighting, will they think I don't  love them wholly for every essence of their being? My husband came home and was in a good mood, and I was in a grumpy mood. Will he think I am an angry old grump? I was literally freaking out over every exasperated sigh and exhale.
It is highly important to be self-aware and have practical tools to aid us in controlling our anger. But we have something better to help us!

This morning I read my devotional and was again reminded that no matter how hard I try and try to do what is right in my own power I am going to fail, no doubt about it. But we are free from the bondage of sin. Praise Jesus! I can analyze myself all day long, or I can give it over to the one true God who has me

"I have been liberated,
Set free,
and given new life,
New hope,
New motivation,
and new peace,
Of heart and mind.
No I have not been freed
To walk my own way,
To write my own rules,
OR to do what I choose.
No, I have been given
The best of freedoms.
I have been freed,
Not from God's rule,
But from my bondage
To me.
Following,
Obeying,
Serving,
Submitting to God
Is the thing I was created to do,
So it is the place where
True freedom is to be found.
Rebellion never gives life.
Self-rule never brings freedom.
So grace has worked to rescue
Me from me,
So that I can know the true freedom
of serving Him." Paul David Tripp

-Summur

Conquering Relationship Challenges

Our Tuesday morning Mops meeting was one that got me thinking a lot about my relationship with my husband.  Since we got married eight years ago, we have had to work hard on our communication.  I realized quickly that when I would ask too much of him, he would shut down.  I attributed this to the way he was raised and figured it had nothing to do with me.   Boy, was I wrong.

My husband is the sweetest man I have ever met.  Because of his size people become hesitant, but after a quick Harvey laugh, it is realized he is hilarious and light-hearted.  Things don’t ruffle his feathers and he has the ability to go with the flow.  Our beginning vacations as a married couple consisted of riding by the seat of our pants.  At times we would find ourselves driving up to Kirkwood in the dead of night or meeting up with friends in a faraway place at the drop of a hat.  It was fun and always an adventure.  His flexibility and sense of adventure is attractive and exciting.   I like reflecting on that time when decisions didn’t feel heavy.

Life progressed to beautiful children and a lot of necessary communication.  First of all, raising kids involves a lot of talking, planning, follow through, revisiting and repeating.  The fun is and will always be in our relationship, but having to talk business is a chore.  I find we get offended easily and in turn we don’t want to talk about it again. And, hay, who wants to deal with the un-fun stuff anyway?  Adulting in general is hard and I was not surprised to hear that the majority of problems in a marriage are not the big ticket items.  In fact, it all relates to how we communicate with each other.  Come to find out it is not all related to the way we have been raised; it has to do about the way we act towards each other.  It should be simple.  Here I am madly in love with my husband trying to be a good partner, friend, lover, and wife.  Aren't we all working towards that goal?  But things get in the way and riffs happen. 

Fixing those small things that bug us about each other have a simple solution.

Number 1: Examine the way we question our partners.  Day in and day out I ask why.  Questioning is part of understanding and it is what I do.  I thought that asking why was helping our communication.  My husband is not one to readily spew out details, so asking why seems like a way to get more information.  Asking why is okay, but the way we ask may change the results of the conversation.  My goal is to try to ask why in a way that does not assume that he has not thought through the situation.  Remembering that he makes choices by considering all options will make my questioning come out prettier.  My hope is he, in turn, will not attribute my asking why to nagging.

Our partners crave respect.  Showing respect can be as easy as a simple thank you. 

Number 2: Say thank you.  It is time to start noticing those small things and thank them for it.  I tried it last night, and it brought out a smile.  I am not just thanking him for the things I ask him to do, but for things he usually does.  My goal is to thank him as much as I hear I love you, which is an awful lot!

Finally, the racy part. 

Number 3: Our partners want to feel close and connected to us.  Women can feel this closeness and connection through many different outlets, like a heartfelt conversation, but men need it in a physical way.  Although it is so hard to want to make love when you are bugged, it may be something that will help the communication.  That physical connection is the antidepressant for him and may make the situation feel lighter. 

In our marriage we have grown and are continuing to learn how to empower each other.  Our pitfalls should not be considered a road block.  Working on communication by speaking kindly to each other, respecting the choices we make and connecting emotionally and physically can help bring both individuals back into alignment.  Being on the same page will make conquering our challenges together easier. 

- Amanda

It's Only a Season

   Has your life ever felt chaotic and out of control? (most days, right?) Then add moving, changing churches, a new job, toddlers, and .....really? A  surprise pregnancy!?!?

Our speaker Summur Braley shared her intimate and personal story of coming face to face with postpartum depression (PPD) & anxiety.

  All Summur ever wanted to do was to be a loving mommy to her children but during her last pregnancy and after the birth of her 4th child, sweet Holiday, she started to not recognize who she was becoming.

  On edge, very angry, anxious, and distant from God. At this time, Summur felt like if something happened to Holiday, it  could possibly be a medical emergency and going to the ER or almost calling 911 full of panic and fear was the "go to answer".

    It was a very sad and stressful time for their whole family. Matt, her dear husband, had to calmly talk her off the ledge she was so clearly on. She decided to call her doctor who told her in a very matter of fact way that she had Postpartum Depression. This was a difficult diagnosis to understand because Summur had always been a very cheery person, an extrovert, so how could this be? The doctor explained that anger is one of the main signs of depression and anxiety. The number one sign for Summur was that was she acting "unlike herself". Her doctor put her on antidepressants and sent her to a psychologist. The antidepressants didn't work but the psychologist was terrific. She gave her breathing techniques, practical daily changes to make along with suggestions of looking out at the horizon, beyond that little square we are locked in when we have a baby.

    Summur also learned that PPD & anxiety is a chemical imbalance in the brain. It's not something you have done, it's not because you think negatively, its not something we bring on ourselves and it's not the Lord punishing us.

   It turned out that talking about it was huge - for her and for many others. This epidemic is nothing  to be taken lightly. One of our own in MOPS lost her best friend to suicide because of postpartum depression. We can not trust our feelings at this time. We must reach out and get help even though it seems like everyone is so far away from us, including God. They are there for us, He is always there for us. Untreated postpartum depression can lead to postpartum psychosis and that is a very scary thing.

  We were given a very helpful handout that explained symptoms of PPD & anxiety, and postpartum psychosis, what to do if you have symptoms of PPD and how to help someone suffering from PPD.

   Finally "spring came" to Summur and her household, she started feeling like herself again, seeing colors and using her creative energy to start a tie dying business. God was so  faithful.

"For everything there is a season"
Ecclesiastics 3:1.

Please remember that PPD is only for a season but you do need to recognize it and treat it.

Have Hope -
Ginny

Hush Little Baby, Mama's Gonna Buy You a Mercedes if you go to Sleep

"Rock a bye baby, in the tree top
When the wind blows the cradle will rock,
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall,
and down will come baby, cradle and all"

That's some dark stuff right there.

But we've all been as desperate for our baby to sleep as the lyricist to that ancient nursery rhyme.
If my baby would only sleep through the night....
If my 2 year old wouldn't climb into bed and kick me in the head all night...
If my 4 year old wouldn't wake me up at 3 in the morning asking where her hoodie is... (this literally happened last night and she doesn't own a hoodie currently)

But alas the struggle truly is real, Ladies.
I feel like my main goal as a mom is to get my children to sleep. Okay kids let's eat this meal at this time, play at this park, have this playdate, and so on and so forth and then you precious children will sleep like angels tonight! Thank you to the good Lord for bedtime!

Last week we were graced with the presence of an honest to goodness Sleep Expert. The lovely Jo Anna Inks. When I heard she was coming to share with us I honestly thought..."Oh this will be good for all of those young new Mamas."
You see I am an old old Mama, with four children of varying ages and I've always had pretty great sleepers. So what could I really learn?

And then I was humbled.
(Why is it that all of my blog posts have this common thread? Apparently I need a good kick in the pants)

Jo Anna had some amazing tips.

1/ Watch the Waking Hours
Babies get over tired very easily, if they are grumpy they are probably TIRED!

2/ Don't Be Afraid of the Dark
Humans, and babies, sleep better in the dark.

3/ Be Predictable
Babies and Toddlers love a predictable routine. A predictable bedtime lets your child know what's coming.

4/ Feed After Naps, Not Before
Number one reason babies/toddlers don't sleep is the connection they have formed with needing to eat to fall asleep.

5/ Same Place, Same Time
Have your child sleep in the same place and the same time everyday. Nap time and bed time should be in the same place too.

I ran into Jo Anna in the bathroom after her talk and told her about my one year old, Holiday. She had been waking up at 5 or six in the morning and I do not like waking early, at all. I put Holly down at 7pm like clock work every night, Jo Anna suggested trying a 6:30 bedtime. This morning she woke up at 8 am y'all!!!
Oh happy day!!!

You guys there was just so very many good tips that Jo Anna had for us. I highly recommend you give her a call.
1 (209) 813-0609.

Good Night Sweet Hearts,
Summur

Rhonda Stoppe: There Is Hope

Rhonda Stoppe speaks like a woman with “No Regrets.” Not like a woman who wishes her life had been different. Not like a woman who hasn’t made mistakes. She doesn’t preach like a woman who holds onto pain, and she doesn’t speak the Word like a woman who doesn’t understand It’s power.

Instead, she spoke at MOPS on Tuesday like a woman who’s seen a lot, if not “it all.” A woman who has had to go before the throne of God on WAY more than one occasion, to ask for very large things.

Like Forgiveness. Like Grace. Like healing. Like Love for her enemies. Like strength when she feels the most thin, and the most weak, and the most unable.

She spoke like a Mother. Like you and I.

When I hear the phrase “No Regrets,” it triggers all of my regret. I think, well, that’s not me, lady! I have stuff. I have things that I wish I could erase or do-over. But the more I hear the definition of “The No Regrets Woman,” according to Rhonda, the more I realize that IS me. That’s all of us. Or, it can be, if we choose it.

One way we can choose to have a No Regrets Life, is to look at our lives like a story. Like a narrative, still being written.

Often I look back on events past, and think about the decisions I made, and looking in on those little moments in time can be discouraging. But then I look at those events, mixed in with those moments of rescue by God, those times when I was at my lowest, and someone came to help me. I remember moments where it seemed hopeless, and a stranger saw me and gave me words of encouragement in a college bathroom. I remember being halfway across the country, and another believer took me into their home and treated me like family.

I still look at my hurt, I remember those who hurt me.

But I remember those who helped me more. And I know that those moments were God showing up. He never left.

He shows up in our stories. If we look for Him, we will most certainly find Him there.

And the beauty is that our stories aren’t done yet. He isn’t finished! When the little moments get me down, or I feel worn, or tired, or unappreciated, I will remember this is only a tiny part of a greater story of God’s goodness in my life.

I have hope to be a No-Regrets woman. And so do you, sister.

-Char

Sharing the Joy of Books

Last week we were inspired to take our children, and our grandkids, on trips to foreign lands; to meet kings and queens, rulers and emperors, Indians in the Cupboard and Very Hungry Caterpillars. We were told we could have a P.H.D. by being a Parent who Has Desire to share the love of books and reading with our children.

I was struck by the generational passion for books that was so evident in this family. Cheryl had a mom who read to her, then she read to her children and now they are reading to their children. In the Bible we read about generational sin, sin that affects the 3rd or 4th generation. How wonderful to think about a positive generational habit to pass down to the 3rd or 4th generation and beyond.......the love of reading & books.

We were asked to think about some questions so I will highlight a couple.

1. How do I instill in my children a desire & excitement for books?
Start young! Train early!
Set aside time to read and remember that a busy schedule is a deterrent to reading!
Reading is the honey for your child's soul- sweetness of life, and we are capable of giving honey to our children even if it's only 10 minutes a day.
One book recommendation was Honey For A Child's Heart by Gladys Hunt.

2. Where do I find good books?
Visit the library, church and city libraries.....frequently & regularly. Go to story time, get them their own library card and let them pick out some of the books. Be sure to get books on tape for car rides and always have a book with you for doctor appointments or waiting in pickup lines.  There's also second hand book stores, Amazon Used Books as well as trading books with friends and family. Be sure to buy some books for your children to own - this will be the beginning of their library. Try buying books for each of the holidays and when you bring them out year after year a tradition will be born.

We were given ideas of practical times to read to our children:
During breakfast read a devotional.
During lunch show picture books.
During snacks after school, read them chapters from a novel.
During bedtime read more stories as everyone gets cozy and winds down.
Let them read in bed and never use their reading time as discipline.
Remember that reading leads to better writers & listeners and reading is the key to true learning.

We were challenged to be a commercial for reading by putting down our devices and model "SQUIRT- silent, quiet, un-interrupted, reading time". There are so many benefits to reading to or with your children including bonding with them and having an avenue to teach them your faith and values.

So with a B.A.- Better Attitude, a B.S.- Believing Spirit, a M.A.S.T.'R.- Make A Special Time to Read; you will end up with a P.H.D. Let's be passionate parents about reading and sharing the joy of books. Well I'm off to join Pa & Ma and their daughters Mary, Laura and Baby Carrie as they leave the Big Woods of Wisconsin to move West to Indian Country.
Happy reading!

-Ginny

Traditions: Simplify and Enjoy

With two young kids, 5 and 2, I have been grappling with the question: did I get them enough?  I started the Christmas season with a plan to buy a large Santa present for each of them and just a couple small gifts.  I thought I would do the four gifts that I had read about on Facebook last year, but when telling my friend my plan, I realized I only knew the first three gifts to give.  I knew it was something like: something they want, something they need, something to read and then, huh, no clue.  Even with an almost flawless gift giving plan, I still find myself doubting my choice to keep it simple.  And, it is not just with presents.  Honestly, if I did not have the expertise of mentor moms, speakers like Marti Boone and my own mother, I would be a mess through Christmas trying to do and buy everything.  Being overindulged, over-scheduled and overwhelmed is not the way I want my Christmases to be.  I realize now keeping Christmas simple, enjoying family traditions and remembering what Christmas is really about is the greatest gift I can give to my family.

Our guest speaker, Marti Boone, gave me an answer to my gift giving conundrum and that answer is the same one my mom has been saying to me the day my daughter was born.  Simplify.  It is just as exhausting for me to live my over-complicated life as it is for my mom to hear about it.  I already live a hectic life with a husband that travels for work a fourth of the year and two young kids; I am trying to make those unbearable moments into teachable moments.  As much as I am told to keep it simple, I find myself exhausted from over doing it.  It is easy for me to say I am only going to do the traditions that are important to my family, but actually following through takes self-control and not falling into the pressures around me.  I have to really think about my family’s needs and what we can and can’t do during the Christmas season and what is truly important for my family.  The tool that Marti shared has my name written all over it.  The simple T chart, with things I need to do on one side and things I want to do on the other side is exactly what I need to keep my family from being over-scheduled.  If I get to just one thing on the want side, it will be an added bonus.  It is the first way I am going to keep it simple. 

A second way to keep it simple is by focusing on Christmas as the season of giving and Christ our Savior being born.  By making traditions like going to church and sharing with others, our children will learn from us the true meaning of Christmas.  It is our job to teach our children that doing for others is the greatest gift.  Marti shared multiple ways to do this throughout the holiday season.   She suggested making goodies and sharing them around the neighborhood, visiting older people who may not have family around, and to consider giving to Angel Tree, an organization for kids who have a parent who is incarcerated.  By involving our kids in sharing we are teaching them that Jesus is the reason for the season.

Lastly, expect​ ​the​ ​unexpected during the holidays and in life in general.  Unlucky for my family, I experienced this first hand over Thanksgiving.  My daughter woke up with strep throat and we spent the day trying to get antibiotics for her.  It was not what I had envisioned, but we made the best of it.  I was glad that Thanksgiving was not at our house this year and my husband and I were able to make it work.  He went to Thanksgiving number one at our uncle’s house and I went to Thanksgiving number two at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  All the while, my son went to both and was a trooper even without his typical nap.  It all worked out, my daughter got better and I learned a valuable lesson: it is not in my control.  As much as I plan for this Christmas, things may not go according to plan and that is okay.   

Keeping it simple is not the only way I am enjoying this Christmas season.  As a relatively new mom, I am working on my family Christmas traditions.  I grew up in a family that has traditions and those traditions are what we remember as adults.  Off the top of my head, it was two Christmas trees (one for the kids and one for my mom), crab for Christmas eve, Christmas movies galore and candlelight service at church.  It has changed as we have gotten older, but those memories feel good and I want my children to reflect on their traditions when they are older.  One tradition I want to try (*and maybe you do, too) is Marti’s ginger cookies.  Her ginger cookies were the gift she sent to her son, Todd, when his ship docked in Virginia.  She was unable to deliver them herself, but her family friends were going there for Christmas and were able to surprise Todd.  Marti also shared a Christmas tree tradition and it had us in tears.  Her tree is not a Pinterest tree, instead her tree has ornaments that have been in her life for over forty years.  Not all of them are beautiful to the naked eye, but beautiful to the beholder.  One ornament was made by Joel, her son, in 1981 the day he invited Jesus into his life.  Another was a paper chain made by her and her brother.  Four months later her brother passed, and on her mother's tree the chain has hung for many years.  It is missing links, but it is a special memory that makes the tree complete.  This tradition is beautiful and I am glad it was shared with us. 

Ultimately, we all strive to have a loving, sharing, and caring Christmas.  Hearing from others about Christmas reminds us what we know is true in our hearts.  Christmas is about Jesus Christ being born.  My hope is that all of us can enjoy Christmas with our loved ones this year.  Merry Christmas.

“Let not our hearts be busy inns that have no room for Thee, But cradles for the Living Christ and His nativity”

*Big Soft Ginger Cookies
2 ¼ cups all purpose flour
2 tsp. ground ginger
1 tsp baking soda
¾ tsp ground cinnamon
½ tsp ground cloves
¼ tsp salt
¾ c margarine, butter or shortening
1 cup sugar
1 egg
¼ c molasses
2 tbsp sugar
-Combine flour, ginger, soda, cinnamon, cloves, and salt; set aside
-In large bowl beat margarine, butter or shortening with an electric mixer on low speed for 30 seconds to soften.  Gradually add the 1 cup sugar, beat till fluffy.  Add egg and molasses; beat well.  Stir dry ingredients into beaten mixture.
-Chill dough before shaping into balls.  Shape into 1 ½ -inch balls (1 heaping tablespoon of dough each).  Roll in the 2 tablespoons of sugar and place on ungreased cookie sheet about 2 ½ inches apart.
-Bake in a 350° oven about 10 minutes or till light brown and still puffed.  (Do not overcook.)  Let stand for 2 minutes before transferring to a wire rack.  Cool.  Makes 24 three inch cookies.

- Amanda