4 Brave Mamas

           Oh my goodness Mamas, yesterday was powerful! Four AMAZING women shared their MOPS testimonies, and I balled like a baby. Seriously, I don't even know if I can read my notes, they are covered in tears. What struck me the most when I heard each woman share their unique story, was how much I related to all of them. I was like 'Yay they're as messy as me!' And then in discussion time, I found that others at my table had messy stories too, beautiful messes!
     
         First to share was the funny and beautiful Mama, Megan. She was so brave to go up on stage and keep it real! I really admired her transparency. She shared her struggles as a new believer, and then as a new Mama. Megan had Post Partum depression and struggled with anger. When she first joined MOPS, she felt the need to "Fake it till I make it," but God kept reminding her to trust Him. Through coming to MOPS, God used some women to rally around Megan through encouragement and unconditional love. Today, she is so thankful for God, her family, and MOPS. Megan shared how she is the youngest Mama we have in our group, but I feel like God has given her great wisdom. Her words of encouragement for us are "Trust God, be honest, and ask for help. He will send the right people into your life, you only need to let them love you."

      Next up to share is the magnanimous Katie. The second I met Katie, her warmth made me feel like I had known her for years. I would have never expected she had such a trial in her life. Katie shared about being separated from her family, feeling isolated and having a marriage that was falling apart. When she first came to MOPS, she had fears of being judged. But no one ever judged her, and she felt loved. She was able to share with her table leader her struggles, and that she was on the verge of packing up and leaving her husband. Her table leader was there for her and gave her godly wisdom. Through counseling and our Great God, her marriage is better than ever today, and her husband became a believer last year! Praise the Lord!
I am so impressed by Katie's trust in God and her ability to share with her table leader. Katie's advice to us is to "Ask for help and open up. Without these moms, I wouldn't be with my husband or have my family." Thank you, Katie, for being so brave!

      Next up is someone I call a friend and was instrumental in bringing me to MOPS. The lovely and sweet Amy. Amy also struggled with Post Partum Depression and feelings of loneliness. Her mentor recommended she join MOPS, and like our sisters above she hesitated at first. But when she came she realized "I am somewhere where people are kind of not okay too." She also shared about her battle as a perfectionist. The Lord revealed to her...."Amy, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you, it matters what God thinks of you." So true Mama! Amy is on leadership at MOPS. On of the best pieces of advice I thought she shared was that she turned her focus outward to serve others. Instead of looking inward like depression makes us do, MOPS gave her an outlet to serve others and focus on them. Amy's brave advice for us is to "Just take a baby step out of your comfort zone!" and " We are all moms trying to figure it out, all wanting to do the best for our kids." So refreshing to hear!!!

  Last, but certainly not least, is one of the funnest and funniest chics I know. I am thankful that I have been blessed to get to know her this year. She's the wonderful Ms. Teresa. Teresa had a tumultuous childhood that consisted of her parents divorcing, her mother's addiction to prescription drugs, and her step father abusing her mother. As a young girl she would tell God she hated him, and she learned to bury her feelings inside herself. This led to lack of trust, low self worth, and surfacey friendships. Teresa joined MOPS with her guard up. She was beginning to let them down and then she found out she was pregnant with her third child, while her second one was only 5 months old. She was devastated and began to put her walls back up. But you awesome MOPS moms opened your hearts to her and those walls came back down! God is so good! Teresa's last statements were so powerful I just need to share them all with y'all. "We are all broken. We need communities like MOPS to let our walls down." "I feel safe sharing my real self. Never did I think I could have these friendships." And my most favorite of her wise words "He loves me, He never left me. Even in dark days, He never left me!" Wow!

       Sorry I wrote a book, you guys, but I really feel the Lord saying through these Mamas, be open and share your hearts with each other. Each one of these women were apprehensive about joining MOPS. It was scary to all of them. Being real and truthful was scary to them too. But, just think how different their stories would be if they didn't reach out. Look at the Bravery of these women in spite of their fears. And, look how the Lord used their stories to encourage us to reach out. The enemy wants us to stay home and hide our fears deep inside ourselves. But our Great Father provides sisters to share with, give and receive love from, and know we are not alone. That deserves a Hallelujah!

April Mom of the Month (M.O.M.)!

Our April Mom of the Month is....

Cyndi D!!!

1.) Who's in your family?

Myself, my husband Walt, Grace 4 1/2, Emily 3, Wade 6m.




2.) What is your favorite thing about MOPS?

My favorite thing about MOPS would have to be getting to know other moms & learning that I am not alone in raising my kids.




3.) What is your favorite family activity?

Saturdays are my favorite...when Walt doesn't have to work, we go to Mr. T's for donuts, then take the kids to the park to play & then go home & spend the afternoon hanging out in our front yard visiting with the neighbors & enjoying family time.




4.) If you could hang out with any celebrity for the day, dead or alive, who would it be and why?

The only person I can come up with would be Sarah Drew (Mom's Night Out, Grey's Anatomy) She seems like she would be really fun & I really admire her values in the hollywood industry.




5.) Describe a fun childhood memory.

I love camping, so my fun childhood memories involve lots of camping trips...we have gone camping many places, but every summer we go to a place called Sly Creek Reservoir with my immediate family & my aunt & uncle and their 2 boys...we have been going to this same place for at least 14 years and we enjoy taking our wakeboard boat with us...there are so many memories that we have made there together!




6.) What is one piece of advice that you can offer to our group?

I try to remember to give myself & others grace. So, if I don't get everything done around the house (laundry, cleaning, etc...)I try not to be too hard on myself. I try to do the same with my husband & kids too.

Being Brave To... Love Extravagantly

I don't make space in my life for extravagant love.

Most of the time I'm just trying to get dinner on the table by 6:00, my kids to bed on time, and to school with clean clothes and a lunch.

My baby needs diaper changes, and feedings, and naps -- preferably not in the car, but that's often how they happen.

At yesterday's meeting, listening to Bob Goff speak, I had tears. The kind of love he was talking about seems so far away to me; so amazing, but nearly impossible.

I'm surviving here. My days are a series of distractions. How do I love my kids this way? How do I love my husband like that?

If I think about it for long enough, I realize it's not necessarily all the "to-do's" in my life keeping me from going the extra mile.

It's fear.

Bob spoke about this in reference to his story about "four-footer" and the boy's miraculous recovery from a horrific attack by evil men. The boy knew that God was bigger than his enemy. And he was not afraid.

What am I afraid of? What are we, as moms trying to make it through the day, afraid of? What keeps us from loving extravagantly? Because, let's not forget that we love already. We love greatly. We love our kids and husbands by our scheduling, our dinner-making, our early-rising. We love them by meeting their needs, don't we?

I don't feel capable of more right now, to be honest; but I don't have to do this alone. I can not love this way, but God can. And He does. He loves us beyond just meeting our basic needs, doesn't He? He loves unconditionally, and without reservation. He loved us when we were still lost.

Keeping these three things forefront in our minds, we can also love that way, and encourage greatness in our kids:

1. Instead of telling people how far they have to go, what if we tell them how far they've come? Often we strive to "encourage" our kids, or our friends, or our husbands -- and instead of doing that, the complete opposite is accomplished. Let's tell them what they have done already! Let's encourage them in how far they've already climbed! Because the road is long, and life has steep slopes. When we feed this kind of speech into others, they will remember how far they've come and be encouraged to keep going!

2. Tell people WHO they are, not WHAT they are. I gave an example to my table yesterday of my oldest daughter. She's 7, and her personality... challenges me. She can be disorganized, and irresponsible. She loses things and blames others for her problems. Often we tell her what we want from her: Be more organized! Take responsibility! And honestly, I don't see this helping her. She gets discouraged, and beaten down. I see her spirit wilt under the weight of our scrutiny. What I have rarely done, and should do MUCH more, is encourage her strengths. She is creative, and loving. She tries hard to please her parents and teachers. She protects and loves her sisters and brother. These are words she needs to give her courage when life is hard. Some tasks will always be a challenge for this girl; but I want her to be confident in her strengths so she has the energy to also take on those hard things. Bob Goff said it this way: "Stop manipulating -- don't tell them what you want, tell them what you see in them, what they are turning into." What we want for our kids, isn't always what they will be, and it isn't always what God wants for them.

3. If you want to bring out extravagant things in your kids, do extravagant things. Keep in mind, that what is extravagant in my life may look different than what it is in yours. Don't define "extravagant" according to another person or another family. You don't need to pull your kids out of school and travel the globe in order to love them like this! But wasn't that an amazing story to hear? It really did encourage me that nothing is impossible. I can wake up on a Saturday, and choose to say "Yes, why not?" to my six-year-old and her list of places to go that day. I can write notes of encouragement and put it in my kids lunches. I can say "so what?" to my list of to-do's, and instead play a game with my kids, even if it's close to bedtime. I can choose to say a big NO to fear, and YES to joy.

Also, I think as moms, we get lost, too. We forget that there were once extravagant things we wanted for ourselves! Paths, dreams, hobbies -- we put them on the back burner. And they've since gone cold.  Don't you think your kids would be encouraged to see you enjoying your life? Doing something brave, going somewhere further? I think so.

I'm going to think about that for myself, and I challenge you to do the same. Our extravagance doesn't have to take us to other countries, but it can still take us on journeys we may have never known.

Be brave, ladies. And even when this MOPS year ends, and this theme of "Be You, Bravely" is no longer, still be brave. Make it your life's work. Being a mom is no small task, and loving extravagantly is not the easiest path, and having goals beyond breakfast may threaten to overwhelm. Still, be brave. I'm right there with you. We all are.

God Author of Forgiveness

     
   I don't know about y'all (forgive the Texas affectation), but it is easy for me to go down that familiar rabbit trail of holding on to all the wrongs that have ever been done to me. We all have past hurts. For me it's a mother's on going addiction, betrayal by friends, men that used me, and most recently, leaving a ministry that was spiritually abusive. Life can be HARD. But God has a way of gently reminding us that He is in control. This time HE used the lovely Julie Westfall to remind me of that truth.

( me holding onto bitterness)

           If you missed our MOPs meeting Tuesday we had a video before Julie shared with us. The video featured a couple who struggled with forgiveness, stemming from past infidelities and how they were able to overcome those issues. What struck me most was when the woman featured in the video, Trisha Davis, shared this: "True forgiveness you offer to a person regardless of their response. You win! You let go of bitterness. Every time you choose forgiveness, you choose healing. I'm not going to let this control my life anymore." After hearing this, the Lord showed me that not forgiving is a control issue. I think if I just hold on to this righteous anger I can control the situation so that this person can't hurt me anymore. But forgiveness is letting go and letting God take control. So freeing.

           After the video, Julie spoke and it was so encouraging! I just had to--embarrassment be darned--shout out 'Amen' at one point. My favorite part was when Julie shared from Matthew 18. We are called to limitless forgiveness. 7 x 70 times. This is not a mathematical equation, it's a call to ALWAYS forgive. God has it under control! She shared a K-LOVE quote, "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die". Wow! It is so true how bitterness and anger only hurts ourselves. As people we want justice and we want fairness, but we have to remember to trust Him. Our God is a god of righteousness.

            Let's face it, forgiveness can be hard, but when we start to focus on the things above instead of the things below it gets easier. The Bible states 'the wages of sin is death'. The wages of MY sin is MY eternal death. I do not deserve forgiveness. If Christ died so that I may live eternally with Him in heaven, can't I forgive another for smaller offenses?

  

"For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to Him through the death of His Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through His life!  Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation." Romans 5.10,11

          

          This Easter let's daily ask the Holy Spirit to help us keep our hearts focused on Him and not ourselves, remembering the price Christ paid for us. He is Risen!

It Works for ME! -- From the Hot Pink (Soma) & Light Pink (Dana) Table

Connie C - When you have an evening out at a friend's house, bring your kiddos' toothbrushes! They can brush their teeth before you leave, and then you don't have to worry about it when they fall asleep on the car ride home! 

Courtney V - Star charts for attitude checks, chores, and counting practice! She loves the chart by Melissa and Doug! Tip: Michael's carries many Melissa & Doug products & always has a weekly couple of 40-50% off a regular priced item. You can get your chart at a discounted rate! 

Soma D - Always carries a zip-up blanket in the trunk of her car. This works great for park play dates, Concert-in-the-Park, ect. Use a Bed, Bath, & Beyond coupon that always comes in the paper or mail to save $ on your purchase. 

Laura P - She keeps her kid's pajamas in a drawer in the bathroom, so they are ready to go after bath time!

Jessica D - She gives her kids cod liver oil (lemon flavored), vitamin D & C, & probiotics to stay healthy during the winter. She's a mom of 4, and she likes to steer clear of the doctor's office! 

Melissa B - Makes her bed every single day! This brings a sense of calm to her day, it inspires the kids to make their bed too, and if the rest of the house is a disaster...at least the bed is made! 

Della B - When your kids go to school, carpool! In 5 years of carpool, her kids have never been late to school because each carpool mom is accountable to each other! Also, if you run into a car emergency, one of the other moms can help you out! 

Katie - She keeps a journal on hand in her family room to write the funny things her kids say! 

Diane - She uses a sweater shelf to lay out a weeks worth of clothing for her kids!

Zelda - She uses a portable potty called the "Potette Plus!" It comes with disposable baggies liners, and it's great for road trips. It cost around $13 at Babies R Us! 

 

Caryn L - She wants to instill a love of reading into her daughter, so she found that the best time to reads books to her is after nap time while she's still waking up!

Christine C - She loves a clean house! She's found that an irobot vacuum cleaner and a Hurricane Spin Mop works for her! 

Megan O - She suggests making your own Moby wrap by purchasing 5 yards of fabric & cutting it lengthwise down the middle! Moby wraps = great bonding time.

DeAndra T -  Changed her attitude from serving her family to serving the Lord. 

Dana D - While she makes dinner, her boys each get a special activity! The older brother gets to play with kinetic self-sticking sand (from Brookstone), while the younger brother plays with an empty/clean Parmesan cheese container & q-tips! This keeps them entertained for a bit while she makes dinner. The sand isn't messy, and the youngest enjoys putting the q-tips in the container over...and over again! 

Being Brave To... Raise Responsible Kids

Yesterday we were joined by speaker, author and educator, Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, and her talk was on "Responsibilities for Young Children."

I know a lot of moms couldn't make this meeting; there are so many sick kids right now, and that, along with the time change, sure makes it hard to leave the house.

Literally, the only reason I was able to come to MOPS was because my husband was home and offered to stay with all 4 of my kids. Mine have spring break this week, so it was pretty heroic of him.

Anyway, on to the topic at hand.

Dr. Fritzemeier joined my table for breakfast. She's a smart, educated woman, with a lot of ideas. I mentioned that I was probably late to the game, as I'm only just starting to give my 7 year old more household chores. And she agreed, I was a little late; but better late than never.

The whole premise behind her talk (dare I say, lecture?), was that if you start giving your young children responsibilities in the form of chores around the age of 2, they will learn that this is just what you do in a family, and that taking care of ourselves and contributing to the work load is part of life.

Waiting until school age can become a bit more challenging, as by the time they are maybe 7, they understand that chores are work, and aren't so eager to join in on the "fun."

But it's more than just chores and chore-charts, said our speaker. It's about raising self-sufficient and responsible people. Chores tend to be a path toward helping our kids to problem-solve, think creatively, and think critically.

They also can help our children become more independent, and increase their self-esteem.

Here's the conundrum for a lot of us moms of preschoolers: We are low on time, low on energy, and low on patience. Is it just me? Because my life doesn't allow for a lot of direction and instruction for my toddlers.

I'm literally struggling to get them to eat their dinner and get to bed on time.

But here are some things I have been able to initiate in my home, as far as chores and responsibilities are concerned:

My 7, 6 and 5 year olds must keep their rooms basically clean, especially before leaving the house or doing something "fun" (i.e. watching tv, playing games, going on play dates, etc.).

I do not make them clean up or make their beds in the morning before school in the morning. And that's ok with me. It works for our family this way, because the room-cleaning takes place usually at night before bed, or when they are home on the weekend. I've had to evaluate when I as the mother and supervisor have the most time and energy to devote to the process of that whole room-cleaning deal. And this is with my school age kids. It might look differently with a 2 and 3 year old, but it really depends on your life, activities and family structure.

Some other tasks my kids are responsible for are: cleaning their place when done with a meal, cleaning up a spill when they are at fault (usually a drink at dinner), and putting their laundry away.

According to Dr. Fritzemeier, I'm probably giving my school-age kids the responsibilities of a 2-4 year old.

Here's why: I'm a perfectionist. I take over a lot of the time, and have difficulty allowing my kids to do things when I know it won't get done the when or how I want it. (I'm a work in progress)

But you know what? I feel like I'm far from failing. I know my kids, and I know myself, and believe me when I say, what chores I give them stretches all of us.

And it should. Learning to be responsible (for a kid) or to give responsibly (for a parent) is no easy task. When one task is mastered, we move on to another. We are consistently challenging ourselves, even if the tasks we're doing aren't at a certain level or place on a list.

Another big part of the discussion yesterday was giving young children choices, or limited choices. This helps to foster decision-making ability, and may make your everyday tasks a little less chaotic.

For example, instead of asking your child "Do you want to get dressed?" We say, "What do you want to wear, your blue shirt or your green shirt?" Therefore, taking the element of "no" or a battle out of the equation.

But for those of you (me) with "threenagers" this may not apply, or you must break out your creative thinking skills because those kids will always find a third option.

Preschoolers. Amiright? Seriously.

So, I will leave you with a statement for thought and reflection in light of this whole topic: "Rarely do things for your children that they can do for themselves."

However this may look in your home, with your kids, and the stage you are at (in your perfectionism recovery, maybe), I hope you are able to continue or begin or whatever in helping your kids to grow into confident, thoughtful, and responsible adults.

March Mom of the Month (M.O.M.)!

March Mom of the Month:

Lisa L!!!!

1.) Who's in your family?
Me, my loving husband, and my 2&1/2 year old daughter!



2.) What is your favorite thing about MOPS?
The yummy breakfast from the moms!



3.) What is your favorite activity to do with your daughter?
Dancing with her and watching her dance to music!



4.) If you had a day all to yourself, what would you do?
Sleep........



5.) What is your favorite sweet treat?
Almond marzipan cake or moist chocolate cake!



6.) Describe a fun childhood memory?
Going to the beach and swimming with my family!



7.) What is one piece of advice that you can offer to the moms in our group?
Have patience with your spouse, kid(s), and yourself!