This picture makes
me smile. It’s not the greatest picture of Jim, and you can hardly see
the view that we had from the top of the mountain overlooking the hills and the
ocean, but it reminds me of a great day and a beautiful gift from a loving
Father.
Jim woke me up
earlier than I would have liked on Saturday morning. He handed me a
coffee and instructed me to brush teeth and throw on some clothes—we were off
to Coastanoa. I rolled out of bed and we headed out on the two hour drive
to our favorite hiking spot.
This time of year
has always been a struggle for me. The post-holiday let down followed by
a month or two of cold, wet days leaves me feeling a little blue and not very
motivated to do much. I appreciated Susan’s talk about depression last
week—it was so informative. I’m not sure if my blues have ever turned
into depression, but I do know that they have occasionally stolen my joy and
made me lose all perspective. With Ivey back at college, it seems
that this year has been especially hard for me.
We drove to Half
Moon Bay and stopped at the local grocery market for a picnic lunch. We
have this down to a science after five years—fresh bread, smoked salmon, sliced
cheese, and some fruit. We got a warm juice and a wheatgrass shot for
energy and drove to the trailhead. As we parked and began our walk, I
could feel the tension and sadness beginning to fall away. After 2 hours uphill
through grassland, and then thick forest, we reached the summit. The sun
was shining, the wind refreshing, the smell intoxicating, and the endorphins
from the climb exhilarating. I felt so free and energized for the
first time in months.
However, the most
beautiful thing about this day was not the view or the endorphins, but that my
best friend knew just what I needed and he dropped everything to make it happen
for me.
He knows my limits
and he saw me getting to the edge of them. He also knows that I can
breathe better surrounded by trees, and that sometimes I need a push to get me
there. He is patient and loving as I wake up from my sluggishness and
begin to feel alive again. He knows every part of me and he loves me
anyway. He always waits and hopes for the best me to show up again.
He draws me out and lifts my eyes back to Christ and the marvelous healing
light He offers. He makes me remember how grateful I really am. He
is a beautiful husband, a loving dad to my girls, and my very best friend.
We began our lives
together as friends my first year of college. We gradually grew from best
friends to dating, and then marriage followed 4 years later. I am
so thankful that no matter what has happened in our lives, through all the stages
we’ve gone through, we have found a way to nurture our friendship.
I’m not saying it’s always been easy and I’m not saying we haven’t had our
struggles, but there has always been a clear vision of who we wanted to be for
each other, and we have worked hard to make that a constant in our lives.
I am not sharing
this with you to brag or somehow say that our marriage is perfect. It
isn’t. But it is real and it is strong. We haven’t figured it all
out, but as I pray for you and your marriages, I want to share what we have
learned:
We have learned to
put our guard down and be totally transparent, trusting each other to handle
what we are given gently and with great care.
We have committed
to praying for each other and trusting as God works in our marriage to make us
stronger and to help us love each other more.
We try to be slow
to criticize and quick to find good.
We try never to
manipulate and we try never to assign motive or intention. We always hope
for the best from each other.
These are our
goals as we do life together and though we often fall short, we are constantly
growing closer and closer to each other along the way. Whether you are
already there, or feeling like you don't know where to start to even become
friends again, here are some practical tips that may help foster the
friendship:
1. PRAY PRAY
PRAY for your spouse. Prayer builds love and intimacy. Never
underestimate the power of prayer--especially for the ones that God has placed
in your life.
2. Can you
remember a place or an activity that gave you the feeling of freedom and
joy? Even if it seems silly or impractical--go for it. Share it
with your husband and let him see that side of you again!
3. Find some
way everyday to encourage, support, or build up your husband without expecting
anything in return.
4. Hold
hands whenever possible.
5. If you
have to talk about something difficult or challenging, talk while you walk and
walk side by side. Refer to #4 :)
6. Share something with your husband that
he might not know about you, and ask him questions that let him share himself
with you in the same way. It could
be something small like a favorite place, or something big like a dream that is
growing in you. Play top 3 (top 3
favorite desserts, top 3 favorite vacation spots, etc.) You never know—tastes
change with time!
7. Never
stop finding the humor in daily life and share it with each other. There
is nothing more fun than laughing. Well, almost nothing...
"Love is
patient and kind, not jealous, not boastful, not proud, rude or
selfish, not easily angered,and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love
does not gloat over other people’s sins
but takes its delight in the truth. Love always bears up, always trusts,
always hopes, always endures." 1 Cor. 13:4-7
"His words
are sweetness itself; he is altogether desirable. This is my darling, and this
is my friend..." Song of
Solomon 5:16
"Oil and
perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his
earnest counsel." Prov. 27:9
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of
lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” James 1:17
