A Precious Gift

Erin from the Modesto Pregnancy Center joined us at our last meeting. The pregnancy center provides pregnancy testing, classes, and they even have a boutique that moms can shop in with baby bucks earned by attending classes. Besides these things, and in my opinion one of the greatest gifts they give, is the knowledge that they are loved by God and so are the babies that they are growing.

It is a place that is near to my heart because 10 years ago I walked into a pregnancy center scared and nervous. The kind people at the pregnancy center helped me confirm that I was  pregnant and asked if they could pray for me and my baby. I walked out of that office afraid of what was to come but comforted by that prayer. As my pregnancy progressed I would receive calls from the pregnancy center workers to check on me and pray for me. It was touching and something I will never forget.

I ended up having a beautiful baby girl, Leilani Jae. That tiny baby that rocked my world and made me a mommy turns 10 tomorrow. It is the most bittersweet feeling in the world. I am so proud of her and I love seeing who she is becoming, but I wish I could make the single digit years start over. She is mature, funny, and so smart. She loves to be on stage and is the sweetest big sister ever. I am in awe EVERY SINGLE DAY by this gift that the Lord gave me. I am so grateful to be her mom and I sit here crying happy tears as I remember the nerves I felt and how I had no idea how I was going to do this. I am forever grateful for the women that told me I would be alright and prayed over us. That support meant the world to me and I love how the Pregnancy Center gives hope to moms that need it. -Ana

Made with Love

Alrighty let’s see. Our last meeting was the Market and Mingle. How fun was that!? It was so cool to see Mamas talking with other Mamas and to see different gifts and talents people have.

So I thought I would share something that I thought about after I made something a few months ago.

I made a sign that says “made with love” on it to put in my kitchen. After I hung it up, I was thinking about how I made that sign with love and I loved what I had made. The sign is to say that the food I make is made with love, but that’s not what this is about. It just made me think about how we were all made by God and He made us with love and He loves what He made. We are His masterpieces. He chose our smiles, our eyes, our hair-color, our voices, the gifts we have, and everything else about who we are.

It just amazes me that the God who created the universe, gravity, snow, fire, day, night, and everything else, created me. And He created you. 

It makes me think about my babies and how I don’t have the ability to choose anything about them. God made them one of a kind and from day one they’ve surprised me as they grow and I learn more about them; and they’ll continue too. Shiminy, I surprise myself sometimes too, haha.

And that brings me to me. It’s amazing to me that I have this body I live in but sometimes I have no idea what’s going on with it. I was born with it and yet I still have to learn more about it and get to know it better, though I won’t ever know it fully.

I’m so thankful that God knows me fully and I can rest knowing He’s got my life in His hands.

All that to say... you were made by God Himself and you are loved and valued.

So I took a little detour to try writing a poem and this is what resulted:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We are all makers

Makers of something

It may seem great

It may seem like nothing

God has gifted us in different ways

To be a hand or a toe

Makes no difference you know

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Psalm 139:14 - I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

1 Corinthians 12:14 - Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

1 Corinthians 12:25 - .. , so that there should be no division in the body, but that it's parts should have equal concern for each other.

Psalm 25:1 - In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.

-Heidi M.

Your Fire is Coming...

With a little bit of laughter and a whole lot of Jesus, we are going to be better than alright.
Lisa Mills had me peeing my pants! Her southern accent and red hair were what my soul needed this morning. To be honest, I had a hard time getting to MOPS this morning. I woke up exhausted, kids were late to school, lunches were not made, and the idea of being “on” sounded dreadful. Those who know me, know this is not me, but this morning it was! I am so glad I got my lazy body out of bed and forced it to go get fed, by all you lovely ladies. I don’t think I have ever regretted forcing myself to do something I didn’t want to do, but I have regretted laying there and allowing my rut take over my morning or day.

Anyways, back to Lisa, she truly fed my soul. Her ability to laugh and embrace the little things in life was so refreshing. For one, I will never look at TSA uniforms the same. Two, I have a new respect for small kid potties and the magical power they hold.  

I loved that Lisa got serious at the end, because that woman has some amazing insight. There was so much there that I honestly can go in so many ways with this post, but I will focus on this: God may not give you your microphone until you allow him to heal you and restore you from your past.

We all have this one thing in common: WE ALL HAVE A PAST!

All of us, we all have it. Some of us have 24 years worth, others are passed 40 years worth, but it is there! It is all different and shaped differently. Some might consider their past worse than others, others may think their past is not worth mentioning because it doesn’t involve a dad chasing them through the woods with a shotgun, as you try to protect your siblings as Lisa did. Regardless of what your past holds, we can all agree we have been betrayed at some point in our lives by someone or something. We have ALL had to forgive something or have something to forgive. We have been changed by someone else’s actions. It may have been when we were 10, 15, 25, or in my case 1 years old.

Here is my past, I was molested for 12 ½ years of my childhood. It was by someone I knew, and my parents trusted. I had no idea what was happening until about 6 months before it stopped. He stole something truly precious from me. Something I could never gain back. Something that my husband should have had to himself. He made me fearful of being with a man. He stole that, and there was NOTHING I had done to deserve it.

It took another 5 years before I was able to tell my mother what had happened. To be honest it was God who told her, I was so ashamed, but he made me have a horrible dream and she heard the revelation come out, as in my dream I shouted terrifying noises. The truth coming out caused more problems at first, it is what my mother calls the sizzle of a fire burning out when someone adds water to a burning fire. Well, it sizzled, and it almost seemed like it got worse before it got put out. Although to the outsiders my life seemed to be a royal mess, the truth was, for the first time in my life, my soul was starting to heal. The truth coming out allowed my suffocated being to finally take a breath of living air. God opened my heart to seeing the big picture. As He continued to heal me, I kept hearing him say over and over again, forgiveness is not about him, it’s about you healing from him! It is you letting go of the last strings he has on you, you forgiving him will set you free from his abuse.

Forgiveness came easy through Christ. Trust me, if it would have come from me, I would still be in a tangled dark mess. Allowing Christ to take ahold of my darkest moments allowed him to use my mouth and actions to glorify him through the act known as forgiveness. I remember the hell day the Devil had with this; for him being against me, he used God’s ability to allow me to forgive my abuser against me. Everyone questioned if this truly happened, how could I have forgiven so easily and without strings. No one does that, if he truly did this to you, you would make him pay for his actions, you would never forgive, you would never go to his bedside as he nearly died and say to him, “My forgiveness is without strings.” But through Christ, anything is possible. (I can imagine the Evil One falling over backwards over this comment).

Friends, I share this with you for two main reasons: To let you know you’re not alone, and two, to show you how God must restore you, even when it is not your fault, before being used.

Your story may not be like mine, it may be “worse”, or it may be “rosier”, regardless of it, you are not alone in it. We all have had reasons to hold on to anger, fear, anxiety, you name it; but you may not be able to be used to your fullest until you start healing from it. You don’t need to be perfect, please don’t misunderstand me, but you do need to figure out what is holding you back.

Lisa gives a beautiful example of his promises. God gave her a microphone, for her it literally is a microphone, as a tool to use after her healing from her dad’s abuse. God will use us and all our broken pieces the moment we hand them ALL over to him and allow him to restore us.
What will your microphone look like once you allow him to restore you? What fire will He ignite in you, if you allow him to start healing your soul?

I’ll leave you with this last thought from Lisa, “Your fire is not one you go seek, it is not hard to find or hard to manage, instead, God will throw this fire towards your direction, when the time is right.”  Your fire is coming; He will do the hard work to make it, the question is, will you let him?

Much Love,
Yessie J.

Lead Me

Last Tuesday the magnanimous Heather Blass, my very first MOPS leader, shared with us about Leading Where We Are. She challenged us to step up as leaders within our "Sphere of Influence". She encouraged us that God will use us where we are, and reminded us that "God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called"! She was so inspiring in her message that I found her after, interrupted her conversation, and told her that I think I need to go back to school full time and become a medical doctor. Ha! We will see if that is what He has in store for me.
     This last week her message has me thinking about what the Lord has done in my life and how He has used me. Used me in ways I never planned for or would even want. He has even taken away things I thought I wanted but I'm so glad He took away.
   I used to like to think I knew everything and how my life should work out perfectly, oh and I could tell you how to live your life too. Of course I can still think this way from time to time. I think this has got to be pretty funny to God because of the amount of plans I have had for my life. It is a long family joke that if you name a job, or a place, I have probably worked there. I literally want to do everything and be everything. I have worked as a Waitress, Salmon Hatchery Tech, Nanny to the rich, Missionary, Hot Dog on a Stick chic, etc. The list literally goes on and on. After High School graduation I was accepted into an acting college in NY, but was trying to decide if I should be a Paratrooper Medic in the Army...I ended up settling on Child Development...also, Fashion School was an option before I met my husband and I got my EMT shortly after we were married. So yes, you can say I have a focus problem or lots of different dreams.
     When I became a Christian, and a wife and mother shortly after, I thought I had finally figured out what I was supposed to do...The Highest calling known to man, a Stay at Home Mama. Surely it would be a super easy and rewarding job, right?
  Fast forward a few years and my husband and I were raising support to be missionaries, not the cool ones who get to go to a third world country, but the Home Team ones who go to Dallas TX to work in an office. So we headed to TX with our 3 year old and 16 month old. When we got there it was a great community of believers and I made instant girlfriends. I told God.."Okay Lord, now we can relax, this is what you have for us for the rest of our lives and it’s perfect. We live in a bubble of Christians and I get to homeschool my kiddos and humbly serve you until I die, perfect." Well He had other plans. We served there for 3 and a half years and slowly found out it was a corrupt ministry. 2 of my husband’s cousins ended up diagnosed with cancer, one of whom was my BFF. So we headed back to Modesto with no job, and no house, and zero plans and ideas for the future. Not at all according to plan.
    Surely I would not be used now, or be able to lead anyone, I thought. I was sad and depressed and felt completely alone. It was all survival mode at this point; feed our children Lord and provide for us. Not many of my prayers were to ask for Him to use me. But He did. In time God provided Matt a job, us a home and me a MOPS group. After one year I was asked to lead a table at MOPS. I started to get a little cocky..I asked God to allow me to show these ladies at my table a thing or two. I had wisdom and could surely lead this table no problemo. Well I went into the year pregnant and ended up diagnosed with Postpartum Depression (PPD). All those gals at my table who I thought I could teach a thing too, ended up holding me up that year and helping me to just survive. Still not my plan and surely He can’t use me now! The next year He did end up using me through my toughest trial I had ever had. He gave me a chance to share my story at a MOPS meeting. Through that, many gals opened up about their own walk through depression and anxiety. And women still come up to me today to share about their walk through depression.
    Two things I never planned to happen and God was able to use me in ways I never expected; Helping women with PPD and Spiritual Abuse. He used me to lead. And still is. Who knows what He wants me to do when I grow up, wink wink.
   If I would have known as a little baby Christian the things He would allow to happen in my life I would have never signed up for them. My kiddos are now in school and I am still leading at MOPS and living in Modesto. Add those to the list of blessings I never planned for.
We all have desires in our hearts. HE will give us those desires the Bible says. Let’s spark those fires of the things we have a passion for and see how He will use us. It’s just the simple act of being willing to be used by Him. Being a leader is just a person being used by God. Taking small steps to work towards what we have a passion for. He will open the doors He wants us to walk through, and close those He doesn’t.

My challenge to you ladies is to walk boldly as Mama leaders! To prayerfully be open to what HE has for you. To remember that you are a unique and gifted person whom God has given desires and dreams to for a reason.
I wrote down a couple of scripture references to remind us all who we are in Christ. Do not be fearful Mamas to Find Your Fire. God put it in your heart for a reason. HE may not follow your plans, in fact I guarantee He won’t. But His plans will be awesome! Love you!, Summur

You Are........
A new Creation    2 Corinthians 5:17
His Workmanship    Ephesians 2:10
Chosen and Royal    Romans 8:1
Without Condemnation    John 1:12
Child of God      2 Corinthians 5:21
Righteous    John 15:5
Temple of God     Ephesians 2:6
Friend of God   2 Timothy 1:7
Full of Spirit of Power, Love and Self Control     Galatians 2:20
I can do All things     Romans 8:17
Citizens of Heaven    1 Corinthians 6:17
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made     Colossians 3:3

--
SUMMUR BRALEY

GOD IS LOVE & HE LOVES YOU!

Dear You!

“How you think about being a parent DEEPLY shapes how your KIDS view the world.” Mandy Ariotos’ comment stopped me on my tracks while I was trying to eat my doughnut Tuesday morning.

Well, Game over! I am done for! I have complained, doubted my parenting ability, vented to my friends of how overwhelming this PARENTING job is. Surely this means my kids are going to complain, vent and feel overwhelmed with life! So, I am giving you all my 2-week notice. Please find a new mother for my children who loves motherhood 24 HOURS A DAY, one who will never complain or vent! She will be calm, patient, and joyful about motherhood. I desire my kids to be children/adults who love life, so please help me help them, by finding a better mother for them.

If it was only this simple.

Let’s hear that again, “How YOU think about being a PARENT DEEPLY shapes how your KIDS view the world.”

I am going to be super real with you all right now and tell you that at 38 weeks pregnant I found myself with this thought, “Would I love my child when I realized he/she was not perfect?” I mean really, when they were not sleeping, spitting up at me, pooping on me, talking back to me, you name it, would I still love them? Well, my fears were put to rest when she was born. I know you know this already, but you love that child so much when they are being charming and attentive, as well as when they are being punks, rude, and unkind. It is inside our soul to love them more than ourselves, to put ourselves second, third, or fourth on our own list, just to make sure they are well and taken care of.

Going back to the thought given to us by Mandy, “How YOU think about being a PARENT DEEPLY shapes how your KIDS view the world.” If this idea is true, and I love this child as much as my soul tells me I do, then I need to evaluate how I view parenting. Most would tell us, “Ok well, go open the best parenting book and start there.” Mandy had a different view on this; before you view your thoughts on parenting, view your thoughts on YOU! Who are you? How do you view You? Do you like yourself most days? Do you like the place you are at in life? What ignites your fire? What perks your interest?

If you don’t love yourself, if you are not taking care of yourself, if you aren’t fueling yourself, HOW can you love, care for, or fuel someone else? Say, What?! All of us are in different places in our lives with this concept of loving our self. Some of us are in the pit of hell, just trying to survive the day. Those moms may view this thought as “Absorb; one more thing to throw on your ‘to-do list’.” Others may have been in the pit, but someone already placed a ladder down to them, which helped navigate them out of this ugly place. These women may already be in the journey of learning to love herself.

Whatever place you are at, know these two truths; you are not alone, and you are loved so much by one amazing God. There is a way out if you’re in the pit, even when you do not see a ladder in sight. If you have been thrown a ladder already and have gotten out of it or are in the middle of your climb out, please remember to put a ladder back down for another momma to make her way out herself.

I believe with my entire heart, we can all emerge from this pit. Trust me, I was one of the women at the bottom. It starts with putting ourselves first on our to-do list. I also believe by doing so, we will be better human beings, better lovers, better mothers, and better friends. (Almost sounds like a 90’s rap song 😊).

In closing, here are three points to ponder or enact today:

1. Can you please stop what you’re doing right now and say, “I am going to learn to love myself, because I am worth loving!” Say it again, “I am going to learn to love myself, because I am worth loving!” Say this every day until you mean it and believe it! This will one day become “I love myself!” “I really love where I am at!” This concept is not cocky or conceited. If you can’t love yourself, it will be hard for you to put yourself first. Say it again, “I am going to learn to love myself, because I am worth loving!”
2. Look at your to-do list and replace three of your chores today and every day for the next thirty days with:
1. I will make my kids belly laugh every day.
2. I will take 30 min to myself and do whatever it takes to make myself feel fueled (this may mean waking up earlier or staying up a little later, or asking for help, just to get this time).
3. Do something to make you feel beautiful. Like maybe actually shower today, or put on a favorite lip shape, spray some perfume, or maybe just say, “you’re beautiful, darling!”
3. Ask, “What fueled me before motherhood, before wifehood? What made me get excited about life?” Write those things down and then try doing them again! Maybe it was singing, dancing, playing an instrument, running, cheering, meeting your friends after school/work, creating, acting, whatever fuels YOU!!! This is about YOU, not your husband or your child or your best friend.

So, start here, right here at MOPS this year. Let this be your ladder that helps you find your way out. Let this year be the year you find YOUR fire. This year is about fueling you and in return you will be able to fuel those around you.

Now imagine how your view of parenting might be able to change with a healthy you!

The phrase “How you think about being a parent DEEPLY shapes how your KIDS view the world,” may just not sound so negative anymore, when you are the best version of you!

Much Love,

Yessie J.

MOPS is Back

MOPS is back! MOPS is back! Who else did a happy dance when they woke up that Tuesday morning? Hot coffee, donuts (with no sharing required), and adult conversation are going to be a regular part of your life ladies! WOOHOO! This year is going to be so fun! I promise.

I hope everyone had a blast at our first meeting. If you missed it, don’t worry, there is a lot more MOPS awesomeness coming your way this year. I hope you know that every one of you is not here by accident. You have been prayed for all summer long and that isn’t stopping now. I hope that you allow yourself to step out of your comfort zone and soak in everything that MOPS has to offer you. Here you will find your tribe, a safe place to laugh or cry, and a break that you deserve. You do so much for others mama; you deserve this.

I feel like we all remember that first day feeling. I remember walking in my first day and feeling a bit overwhelmed. Thoughts like, what if no one likes me or what if I say something dumb were running through my mind. Those worries quickly disappeared once I started meeting these sweet moms!  They made me want to come back. My first year I held back a bit, and my second I came back determined to get the most out of MOPS. I have made the greatest friends I have ever had here. Friends that will say, “Come to my house now and I’ll feed you.” Food is my love language, okay! Friends that will let me vent and not judge me. Friends that will stop me mid-sentence and say, "We are going to pray about this RIGHT NOW." I want all of these things for each and every one of you! Welcome to your mom tribe ladies. This is the year that you find what sparks you! Don’t hold back.

-Ana

Flawed but Free

Oh MOPs, how I’ve grown to love you. I never would have thought I’d be part of a “mom group”, but now I can’t imagine my life and motherhood without it.

I’ve loved so much about this year’s theme Free Indeed.

I have moments when I’m gutsy, and moments when I hold back. I have moments when I let love be the loudest voice, and moments when I don’t. I have moments when I go first, and moments when I don’t go at all.

All that is okay. Even if you haven’t ‘Gone First’, ‘Let Love be the Loudest Voice’, or ‘Been Gutsy’ yet, you still can! We may be starting a new theme next year, or even a new adventure, but we can still take away from this year.

I may not be free from what I consider are my difficulties and flaws, but I can be free from tearing myself down about them. They’re there and it is what it is right now. I get to choose to be kind to myself and move forward. Whatever circumstance I’m in or ‘problem’ I’m having, God can use it to transform my heart. My attitude towards my life has a huge impact on how my day goes. No lie, it’s hard to have an attitude of glad-itude over an attitude of mad-itude sometimes; it can be hard to just have a positive attitude over a negative one. But for me, when I have a negative attitude, it makes everything worse and no good comes from it. It doesn’t help to tear myself down. It helps to build myself up in Jesus and in who He says I am. That brings me freedom; that yes I’m flawed because of sin, but I’m a child of God and He loves me, He created me for a purpose, and He’s going to continue refining me until I’m home with Him. I can embrace the good qualities I’ve been given and work with what I’ve got.

I really loved Racquel’s idea of writing out the unhelpful lies we believe about ourselves and things that are true of us and TEARIN’ up them lies!

I wrote something like:

I AM WORTHLESS AND DON’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT

Then I wrote:

I AM FUNNY

I AM KIND

I AM TEACHABLE

Sometimes I see myself becoming beautiful in different ways, even where I would’ve never thought I was beautiful before. Of course then in moments when I fall, I see parts where I’m still flawed. But that always just takes me back to my need for Jesus. Oh how needy I am for Him and how thankful I am to have Him in my life!

I also loved Dana’s analogy…. It was an analogy, right?... Lol. Anyway, whatever it’s called, here goes my paraphrase… I loved the analogy of the $20 being crumpled up and torn but people still wanting to use it. We can see ourselves as broken, worthless, or hopeless, but God sees us as His beautiful children He created. We are loved. And we are wanted.

Lord, sometimes I think You have Your work cut out for You with me and my issues, but then I remember that You’re God and nothing is impossible for You; not even me. Thank You for Your grace and for loving me while I’m a continual work in progress on this earth. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

-Heidi

Encourage One Another

Last MOPS was my favorite meeting of the year. Three Brave and beautiful mamas got up on that huge stage with those bright, shiny, sweaty lights, and stood in front of over 100 women and poured out their hearts for us. I love these three gals so very much and I am blessed to call them all friends.

When I think of these gals it reminds me of what brought me to MOPS 4 years ago. It was to find some friends. My husband, 3 little girls and myself had just left a ministry we were working at in TX after finding out that it was corrupt. We left quickly and moved back to Modesto without a home or a job for Matt.
We started back up at our old church but I wasn't able to click with the women there.

One morning I woke up feeling very sad and alone, my heart ached for some girl friends...even just one. I read my devotional and it just so happened to be about friendships. I got the girls out of my brother and sister in laws house, where we were staying at the time, and took them to the local McDonald's. Took a book with me because it was 11am  and it would probably be slow. I was looking forward to some quiet time.... afterall it was a Tuesday. We walked in and the play area at the Pelandale McDonald’s was brimming with toddlers and some intimidating mothers who seemed to all know each other. I told myself to just sit in the corner and keep my head down. After some play time, Riette had to pee and ran to the bathroom barefooted. I chased her in there and a Mama of twins was also in there. She asked if I was a part of MOPS....
"Umm no, is that some sort of government program?" I naively replied.
Regina ignored my stupidity and brought me back to the group introducing me to some amazing Mamas...Heather, Amy, and Melanie were so kind and they invited me to MOPS. Amy even knew my husband and we all knew many of the same people so I thought maybe it wouldn't  be so bad.

My first MOPS meeting I walked in blown away by all the perfect looking Mamas and felt a bit uneasy..but Jennifer spoke to me in the breakfast line and put me at ease. My table just happened to have one of my friends from church and a sweet gal named Sarah there too. There was only a few meetings left that year but I kept going...I had feelings of not belonging and awkwardness but every meeting someone would suggest to keep going and not give up.

So the next year I came back, Amy was my table leader and she was such an amazing support for me. She listened to me at a time I felt like no one would. She allowed me to feel like a normal mom and not the label I was putting on myself as a "Failure Missionary". I came for friends and I got healing.

Gosh you guys, I could go on and on about all the things that MOPS has done for me. Provided friends, given me a place to serve and feel appreciated, and my orange table holding me up during Postpartum Depression.

I am in total agreement with Amanda, Riane, and Caryn when they shared that they didn't know before they joined MOPS why they needed it..but y'all know who knew! Our mighty savior Jesus! He knows what we need, He knows how to use us in each other's lives to be His hands and feet. I bet all the ladies whom I mentioned above do not remember these conversations they had with me, or never thought that what they said to me on those days had such an impact. But God knew I needed to hear those things.

I'm so thankful for each and everyone of you at MOPS! Thank you for coming and being real. Thank you for smiling at a Mama you don't know. Thank you for leaving your house when you feel a little depressed. Thank you for being brave enough to say I need help, I need prayer. Thank you for being Jesus in the flesh to one another.

Encourage one another and build each other up.
1 Thessalonians 5:11

-Summur