Testimony comes from the Latin word Testis, which means “a witness.” To give one’s testimony therefore for means to give one's witness of an event(s). What a crazy concept to think about, when we give our testimony, we are telling a story of something that we had happen to our own lives and we were a witness of it's level of impact in our lives.
Lauren Daigle has been on the Christian radio stations as well as main stream radio for several months now with her number one hit, You Say. I wanted to try a different approach to my last blog with using some of her words as I recount how truly amazing Ana, Rebecca, and Ruth's stories were last week.
It is not an easy task to tell another individual about a struggle, hurt, sin, or rejection we have been through or are going through. Now it takes someone to be bold, brave, and truly remarkable to lay down their guard and tell us how amazing our GOD was through the tears, the pain, and how they witnessed first hand His grace at work.
I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know (ooh oh)
Ana went up on stage and shared her horrific encounter with violence in her own home. She stood in front of over 70 people and described how she would wake up in fear of what would happen today. How as a child she feared her parents and later in her teenage years her spouse. How as a mother she had to let her children go with this man who was supposed to protect them but instead brought them home harmed. She didn’t have a relationship with GOD at this time, but He still showed up. You see, our GOD is not a one-sided GOD, he doesn’t need our love and attention to give us HIS. HE is always present, always loving, always strong, always there to carry us, we just need to stop and see it. Looking back through this Hell, Ana can see God's fingerprints through her story. Things at the time she could not understand, could only be God now. The small things that became life changing things, like how one day her parents just stopped fighting…. One night her abusive husband just didn’t come back home…. How one phone call saying “I don’t want to have the girls over anymore, “ from a violent Dad…. Just how in all those moments of, “What happened, why did it all stop,” God was present without being asked to come in. How he took care of his sweet daughter with rent money, an outstanding new husband, a community of friends who have become family, and most importantly how he embraced her with open hands when her and her husband made a decision to be spirit led and started their intimate and loving relationship with him.
You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe
My Mother committed suicide, were the words uttered out of the lips of Rebecca. I recently read a blog from a woman who had lost her mother as well, and she described the feeling of one losing a mother, in the best way I have ever heard, so I want to share what she said. She said when you lose your mother you lose a part of you. A part of you that for the remainder of your life you keep searching for. You look for your mother in a crowd, you look for her in the sky, and you try to find her most impossible places she could be in. You are always searching, like Rebecca I am as well always searching and, in a way, feeling lost without my mother here. I love how Rebecca did not paint this perfect picture of her and her mother’s relationship, but still her heart misses her mother. Misses those moments she has missed: like her engagement several weeks after she took her life, her two little girls being born and taking the most adorable butt cheek picture ever.. those moments that bring Rebecca joy now and sorrow, her mother has missed. The one thing I will always remember about Rebecca’s Testimony was her line “when your monies become your Testimony"! WOW! I believe this is the moment we allow GOD to start healing our MONIES and allows us to WITNESS our TESTIMONY. Rebecca you are brave, you are strong because you know who is holding you up. Thank you for my hug too!
The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me
In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity, (ooh oh)
You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
Oh, I believe
One thing I have learned in my 7 years in MOPS is never say never. Don’t judge, don’t think your invisible, don’t think it will not happen to you. Ruth, I have known for a while now, and she is strong, loving, and the last person I could imagine being in the battle of her life when she found out she was expecting her third child. Seeing her go through this literally broke my heart. I was scared for my friend. She had to ask for help when she no longer could help herself. Medication, Doctors, Counselors, and Psychologist had to come to her side to help her body and mind heal. When she was not with another adult her children had to be taken care of by someone else. She was fighting to survive, but she was not alone. For Ruth's story, what stood out to me was how she struggled to believe in a loving GOD she grew up knowing. There are times we connect and are vulnerable enough in our life that we can finally share with our loved ones thoughts that come into our head. Ruth through this battle was able to share with her father, her struggle with believing or understanding how this all works, speaking about GOD. This conversation is not an easy one to have with a father who has brought you up telling you God is good through it all. In her vulnerability she found compassion from her father, love from her father, understanding from her father. He understood her. Our mountains in life bring out so much beauty, one thing for Ruth it brought a deeper connection with her father. For when we feel not alone, we allow ourselves to be more open to one another. We don’t feel judged.
Taking all I have and now I'm laying it at Your feet
You have every failure God, and You'll have every victory, (ooh oh)
You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe
As I say good-bye to this ministry I love and have poured into for so many years, I hear these stories and remember my “Why” for this ministry. All these testimonies ended with the same ending…. “Because of the ladies I have met through MOPS, I am OK! They brought meals, shared their own stories, called me or texted me, they pushed me to be brave, they held me up, they became my family"!
As I walk out of those Venue doors, 7 years after I walked through them, I look back at my MOPS journey as well and I am so thankful. Big Valley MOPS was GOD'S vessel that carried me through my MOM'S diagnoses with breast cancer, my miscarriage, a new “surprise” pregnancy, my mother’s death, delivering a baby girl 6 weeks after burying my mother, another “surprise” pregnancy 8 months later, a restored marriage, a career change, and now saying good-bye to a ministry my heart loves. I am a better person because of my MOPS home, I have built friendships that have become family. I have learned about working with women (one thing I honestly thought I could never do), being a better leader, a better friend, a better listener, and knowing when to keep my mouth shut (well learning this one still).
Thank you MOPS for allowing women to come and share WITNESS to their MONIES. For giving women an arena to be strong and bold; while being humble, tired, and not having it all together. Thank you for allowing us to be brave, when we know our story will change someone elses. Thank you MOPS for being our safe place.
Oh I believe (I), yes I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
Oh I believe (oh)
With all my Love,
Yessie Jamison (and Lauren Daigle)
