Friday, November 9, 2018

Your Fire is Coming...

With a little bit of laughter and a whole lot of Jesus, we are going to be better than alright.
Lisa Mills had me peeing my pants! Her southern accent and red hair were what my soul needed this morning. To be honest, I had a hard time getting to MOPS this morning. I woke up exhausted, kids were late to school, lunches were not made, and the idea of being “on” sounded dreadful. Those who know me, know this is not me, but this morning it was! I am so glad I got my lazy body out of bed and forced it to go get fed, by all you lovely ladies. I don’t think I have ever regretted forcing myself to do something I didn’t want to do, but I have regretted laying there and allowing my rut take over my morning or day.
Anyways, back to Lisa, she truly fed my soul. Her ability to laugh and embrace the little things in life was so refreshing. For one, I will never look at TSA uniforms the same. Two, I have a new respect for small kid potties and the magical power they hold.  
I loved that Lisa got serious at the end, because that woman has some amazing insight. There was so much there that I honestly can go in so many ways with this post, but I will focus on this: God may not give you your microphone until you allow him to heal you and restore you from your past.
We all have this one thing in common: WE ALL HAVE A PAST!
All of us, we all have it. Some of us have 24 years worth, others are passed 40 years worth, but it is there! It is all different and shaped differently. Some might consider their past worse than others, others may think their past is not worth mentioning because it doesn’t involve a dad chasing them through the woods with a shotgun, as you try to protect your siblings as Lisa did. Regardless of what your past holds, we can all agree we have been betrayed at some point in our lives by someone or something. We have ALL had to forgive something or have something to forgive. We have been changed by someone else’s actions. It may have been when we were 10, 15, 25, or in my case 1 years old.
Here is my past, I was molested for 12 ½ years of my childhood. It was by someone I knew, and my parents trusted. I had no idea what was happening until about 6 months before it stopped. He stole something truly precious from me. Something I could never gain back. Something that my husband should have had to himself. He made me fearful of being with a man. He stole that, and there was NOTHING I had done to deserve it.
It took another 5 years before I was able to tell my mother what had happened. To be honest it was God who told her, I was so ashamed, but he made me have a horrible dream and she heard the revelation come out, as in my dream I shouted terrifying noises. The truth coming out caused more problems at first, it is what my mother calls the sizzle of a fire burning out when someone adds water to a burning fire. Well, it sizzled, and it almost seemed like it got worse before it got put out. Although to the outsiders my life seemed to be a royal mess, the truth was, for the first time in my life, my soul was starting to heal. The truth coming out allowed my suffocated being to finally take a breath of living air. God opened my heart to seeing the big picture. As He continued to heal me, I kept hearing him say over and over again, forgiveness is not about him, it’s about you healing from him! It is you letting go of the last strings he has on you, you forgiving him will set you free from his abuse.
Forgiveness came easy through Christ. Trust me, if it would have come from me, I would still be in a tangled dark mess. Allowing Christ to take ahold of my darkest moments allowed him to use my mouth and actions to glorify him through the act known as forgiveness. I remember the hell day the Devil had with this; for him being against me, he used God’s ability to allow me to forgive my abuser against me. Everyone questioned if this truly happened, how could I have forgiven so easily and without strings. No one does that, if he truly did this to you, you would make him pay for his actions, you would never forgive, you would never go to his bedside as he nearly died and say to him, “My forgiveness is without strings.” But through Christ, anything is possible. (I can imagine the Evil One falling over backwards over this comment).
Friends, I share this with you for two main reasons: To let you know you’re not alone, and two, to show you how God must restore you, even when it is not your fault, before being used.
Your story may not be like mine, it may be “worse”, or it may be “rosier”, regardless of it, you are not alone in it. We all have had reasons to hold on to anger, fear, anxiety, you name it; but you may not be able to be used to your fullest until you start healing from it. You don’t need to be perfect, please don’t misunderstand me, but you do need to figure out what is holding you back.
Lisa gives a beautiful example of his promises. God gave her a microphone, for her it literally is a microphone, as a tool to use after her healing from her dad’s abuse. God will use us and all our broken pieces the moment we hand them ALL over to him and allow him to restore us.
What will your microphone look like once you allow him to restore you? What fire will He ignite in you, if you allow him to start healing your soul?
I’ll leave you with this last thought from Lisa, “Your fire is not one you go seek, it is not hard to find or hard to manage, instead, God will throw this fire towards your direction, when the time is right.”  Your fire is coming; He will do the hard work to make it, the question is, will you let him?

Much Love,
Yessie J.

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