Dear You!

“How you think about being a parent DEEPLY shapes how your KIDS view the world.” Mandy Ariotos’ comment stopped me on my tracks while I was trying to eat my doughnut Tuesday morning.

Well, Game over! I am done for! I have complained, doubted my parenting ability, vented to my friends of how overwhelming this PARENTING job is. Surely this means my kids are going to complain, vent and feel overwhelmed with life! So, I am giving you all my 2-week notice. Please find a new mother for my children who loves motherhood 24 HOURS A DAY, one who will never complain or vent! She will be calm, patient, and joyful about motherhood. I desire my kids to be children/adults who love life, so please help me help them, by finding a better mother for them.

If it was only this simple.

Let’s hear that again, “How YOU think about being a PARENT DEEPLY shapes how your KIDS view the world.”

I am going to be super real with you all right now and tell you that at 38 weeks pregnant I found myself with this thought, “Would I love my child when I realized he/she was not perfect?” I mean really, when they were not sleeping, spitting up at me, pooping on me, talking back to me, you name it, would I still love them? Well, my fears were put to rest when she was born. I know you know this already, but you love that child so much when they are being charming and attentive, as well as when they are being punks, rude, and unkind. It is inside our soul to love them more than ourselves, to put ourselves second, third, or fourth on our own list, just to make sure they are well and taken care of.

Going back to the thought given to us by Mandy, “How YOU think about being a PARENT DEEPLY shapes how your KIDS view the world.” If this idea is true, and I love this child as much as my soul tells me I do, then I need to evaluate how I view parenting. Most would tell us, “Ok well, go open the best parenting book and start there.” Mandy had a different view on this; before you view your thoughts on parenting, view your thoughts on YOU! Who are you? How do you view You? Do you like yourself most days? Do you like the place you are at in life? What ignites your fire? What perks your interest?

If you don’t love yourself, if you are not taking care of yourself, if you aren’t fueling yourself, HOW can you love, care for, or fuel someone else? Say, What?! All of us are in different places in our lives with this concept of loving our self. Some of us are in the pit of hell, just trying to survive the day. Those moms may view this thought as “Absorb; one more thing to throw on your ‘to-do list’.” Others may have been in the pit, but someone already placed a ladder down to them, which helped navigate them out of this ugly place. These women may already be in the journey of learning to love herself.

Whatever place you are at, know these two truths; you are not alone, and you are loved so much by one amazing God. There is a way out if you’re in the pit, even when you do not see a ladder in sight. If you have been thrown a ladder already and have gotten out of it or are in the middle of your climb out, please remember to put a ladder back down for another momma to make her way out herself.

I believe with my entire heart, we can all emerge from this pit. Trust me, I was one of the women at the bottom. It starts with putting ourselves first on our to-do list. I also believe by doing so, we will be better human beings, better lovers, better mothers, and better friends. (Almost sounds like a 90’s rap song 😊).

In closing, here are three points to ponder or enact today:

1. Can you please stop what you’re doing right now and say, “I am going to learn to love myself, because I am worth loving!” Say it again, “I am going to learn to love myself, because I am worth loving!” Say this every day until you mean it and believe it! This will one day become “I love myself!” “I really love where I am at!” This concept is not cocky or conceited. If you can’t love yourself, it will be hard for you to put yourself first. Say it again, “I am going to learn to love myself, because I am worth loving!”
2. Look at your to-do list and replace three of your chores today and every day for the next thirty days with:
1. I will make my kids belly laugh every day.
2. I will take 30 min to myself and do whatever it takes to make myself feel fueled (this may mean waking up earlier or staying up a little later, or asking for help, just to get this time).
3. Do something to make you feel beautiful. Like maybe actually shower today, or put on a favorite lip shape, spray some perfume, or maybe just say, “you’re beautiful, darling!”
3. Ask, “What fueled me before motherhood, before wifehood? What made me get excited about life?” Write those things down and then try doing them again! Maybe it was singing, dancing, playing an instrument, running, cheering, meeting your friends after school/work, creating, acting, whatever fuels YOU!!! This is about YOU, not your husband or your child or your best friend.

So, start here, right here at MOPS this year. Let this be your ladder that helps you find your way out. Let this year be the year you find YOUR fire. This year is about fueling you and in return you will be able to fuel those around you.

Now imagine how your view of parenting might be able to change with a healthy you!

The phrase “How you think about being a parent DEEPLY shapes how your KIDS view the world,” may just not sound so negative anymore, when you are the best version of you!

Much Love,

Yessie J.