Going First

I don’t know about you gals, but I truly enjoyed this morning! Like a lot! The casual atmosphere in the room, the laughter, activities, and blessed flow of coffee! There are not many MOPs mornings where you get the chance to chat with ladies from all over the room (and walks of life), so this morning was refreshing! 

Racquel, our fearless leader, full of grace and humility, showed true courage by stepping on stage and sharing her heart and struggles with making friends. Thank you Mama for going first! 

Now, don’t take this the wrong way, but women can be mean. Then you throw being a fierce mama bear in the ring and the mud can fly! Women have always been bombarded with contradicting messages and agendas; how we should raise our kids, maintain our homes, what we should wear, how our body should look, to vaccinate or not to vaccinate, even down to how our life “in the bedroom” should look. It’s exhausting and discouraging and then we finally think we have it figured out and we think we have to find other moms with exactly the same way of life to make friendships. 

Makes you want to crawl into a closet somewhere.

But don’t be discouraged, BE BRAVE! GO FIRST! 

Be first, to look at your life and be okay with how you are doing, because Mama, you are KILLIN’ IT! Then turn to the mom next to you and give her a pat on the back, because guess what....She’s KILLIN’ it too! You both may be on completely opposite sides of the motherhood spectrum and could very easily be disagreeing on everything there is to argue about, but instead you can let it go and watch an awesome friendship flourish! 

I have this awesomely awkward ability to strike up a conversation usually with anyone who comes within 10 feet of me. Sitting at the DMV, I’ve had some hysterical conversations with persons of wild character and we pleasantly passed the time in bored comradery. That old lady in the grocery store watching my kid throw her shoe across the aisle always has the best advice. And yes, I see you super awkward teen boy with your headphones on in line at Taco Bell, we gunna talk and you ARE going to respond. Awkward meet awkward. Are my conversations always met well? Nope, but that’s okay because I was brave and went first! 

Now, striking up conversations with strangers throughout your day may not be your thing. And that’s okay! But, maybe there are things that you could share with those friends and acquaintances in your circle that maybe are difficult to share, but would beautifully deepen your relationships. When you step out in faith, knowing that yes, you could get burned, you are being courageous! You are taking a chance, and dear friend, the God who knows every hair on your head, knows your every fear, but also exactly what you need.  

There are a couple very precious women in my life, who if I hadn’t taken the chance on them and went first, our friendship wouldn’t have left that moment and I would be out a couple very dear friendships.  

Thinking about going first and being brave and making friends reminded me of a blog I wrote 4 years ago where I laid out a bunch of mom confessions in name of being authentic and “Going First,” and the list really hasn’t changed 🤦‍♀️

So I thought it beard repeating. 

“I've read a lot of blog posts, Facebook comments and heard many fellow moms talk recently about the desire, no, the DESPERATE NEED to connect and be real with other moms who are in the same boat as themselves. I strongly agree! It's hard enough keeping our tired unwashed heads above water without feeling like we should be walking on it to! That's Christ's job.

So, I thought I'd "keep it real" by posting some good old fashion mommy confessions...

1. I rarely, if ever give my children vitamins

2. Instead of gathering and drying everyone off, I've peed in a pool

3. My boys have had frozen chicken nuggets 3 meals in a row

4. There are days I don't brush my teeth...Coffee & gum works wonders

5. While potting training, instead of washing the poo filled undies, I throw them out

6. I have left Target on more than one occasion and have no idea how much I spent.

7. I have continued scrolling Facebook even as my boys are beating the tar out of each other.

8. I've never made my own baby food

9. Goldfish crackers and chocolate granola bars make great dinners

10. I've spanked out of anger

11. I didn't say anything as my child continually licked water off the park playground

12. I nap. A lot.

13. One vaginal birth was enough for me. I loved my C-section, and I haven't heard any complaints from either child.

14. I've be very prideful when I win the "my baby weighed this much" battle

15. I've probably forgotten your birthday

16. While running errands I think bribery in the form of candy or Hotwheels is totally acceptable

17. I've passed gas and blamed it on my son

18. We watch a lot of TV

19. While cuddling with my boys, everything else can wait (even the forgotten boiling pot of pasta)

20. I have played the Mommy Battle game, both winning and loosing and I am truly sorry

Here's to ending the battles and instead lending a helping hand, a fresh cup of strong coffee and a friendly compassionate and GENUINE smile to your fellow Mommy whose just trying to make sure her kids turn out "ok" too.”

SO, confessed I have.  Now it’s your turn to GO FIRST and step out in the name of friendship! Let a little bit of your wall down, share a bit of awkwardness and watch a friendship grow!

You won’t regret it! 

Love you, dear Mamas! 

-Mallory

Freedom in Recovery

When Heidi reminded me that morning that it was my turn to write the blog, I was super stoked! Then I realized the topic was recovery, not a light hearted topic to sit with, let alone write a blog about.   

It’s now a week later and I’m still sitting in front of my computer wondering what in the world to type out. I’ve prayed asking God to give me words, to show me which direction I should go in. So I decided to do a little word vomiting....I apologize in advance. 

You see, for the first time in my life, the recovery process has become a very personal and very real part in my life, in my husbands life, and in our marriage.  

In the beginning, It was my husband who needed recovery and to be part of a community who understood and could support him. Then we’d go to counseling together and hash out all the hard stuff, trying to get ahold of our life. Then God started pointing out areas in my own life that needed grace and some light shone into the darkened areas I had been avoiding in myself.  

God showed me that I couldn’t control my husband’s behaviors and I definitely couldn’t change him. That man of mine, I had to leave him in God’s hands. But He did expose some areas in my life that I could be allowing Him to work on and walk me through. 

The first step to recovery is that moment when you come face to face with your own struggles and hurts and weakness and knowing you can no longer keep up the facade that you are “okay”.  Not an easy thing to admit or sit with, especially if you are a mom. This world has created this idea that moms have to have it all together; do all the things, be all the things, and never stop being strong for your family, for your children. 

To sit in a moment and admit defeat, who has time for that?! Who has the mental energy to sit with someone you trust and ask for help? When the world demands so much from us, how can we completely reprioritize our lives to fix what we thought was perfectly hidden and contained?

Oh, dear Mama, we NEED to make that time. The time to sit in our struggles, time to look deep down into the heartbreak and pour our hearts out to Christ. Allowing the Creator of the heavens and earth to heal our hurts before they are passed down to our precious next generations. I want to do everything I can to encourage my children to be the best version of themselves and bloom where God has planted them! That means starting with myself, digging deep to understand my own perceptions and expectations both good and bad; slowing down and giving thought to my words and actions, and living my life for Christ! 

Then, we need to be courageous and step out and ask for help from those fellow women who want to come around you, encourage you, keep you accountable and be there with a hot cup of coffee and quiet companionship when you have no more tears or words left to share.  

I beg you mama, not to take your hurts, your secrets, your burdens lightly. This comes from a mama who recently had to come face to face with my own broken heart, fears and weaknesses. I came to the end of my strength and all that was left was Christ, and it was a beautifully difficult place to be. Facing my need for recovery, my need to let others into my hurt, was and still is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But, oh friend, it is so worth it.  

Thank you Suzi for being brave and transparent in sharing your story with us and opening the door to recovery. 

-Mallory